Falling & Flying
by ellenlovesellen
Summary: MerDer AU. Meredith Grey and Derek Shepherd met during a medical conference in LA; there's immediately something between the two of them, but what if Meredith is positive about never wanting to date, and most of all, to fall in love?
1. Chapter 1

**I had this idea in mind and I tried to put it down… I hope you like it – please read, enjoy and review!**

 **A big THANK YOU to my lovely Vero (merder32) for being my beta! If you are searching for some great MerDer stories, check her page!**

 **Love,**

 **Hel**

 **Chapter 1**

 **Just coffee**

 _ **I remember what you wore on the first day  
you came into my life and I thought "hey, you know, this could be something".  
'Cause everything you do and words you say, you know that it all takes my breath away  
and now I'm left with nothing.**_

"So, you're gonna fly all the way to LA in the morning to attend a medical conference with the Chief?" Cristina Yang asked, lazily nibbling on a muffin.

It was almost midnight, after a twenty-hours-long shift; she and Meredith Grey, her best friend, her co-worker, her _person_ were in the kitchen of Meredith's mom's old house and the table between them was full of muffins. It looked like Izzie, their very blonde, very girly other friend, had been through another crappy moment. She used to bake to deal with things.

"And Shep," Meredith replied, her mouth curving in a soft grin. "I'm going to LA with Chief Webber and Amelia Shepherd. I feel a little sorry for the girl, she wanna be a neurosurgeon so bad but at Seattle Grace we don't have a neurosurgeon worth to be call this way"

"Yeah," Cristina murmured. Amelia Shepherd was not exactly her friend; she and the girl had barely exchanged five sentences in a few years but she understood her need to have a mentor. "I am really lucky to have both Burke and Teddy," she added, referring to her boyfriend, Preston Burke, the Head of Cardiothoracic Surgery and Teddy Altman, a blonde, funny, but most of all extraordinary capable cardio surgeon who took Cristina under her wing.

"That Nelson sucks. And most of all, Amelia's brother is THE Derek Shepherd, god of neurosurgeon or something like that. I can feel the pressure"

"Yes, whatever, Ellis Grey's daughter. She could even be the sister of a neuro god, but you are the daughter of _God_. As in blood and flesh god"

"Okay, we're not going to have this conversation again. Plus, you reminded me I have to deal with my mother, tomorrow. So, I need to sleep". Meredith stood up. "Good night, Cris. I'll see you in two days!"

She ran upstairs, changed and climbed on her bed. Exactly then the iPhone on the bedside table ringed. A text from Alex Karev, another co-worker, practically her brother. _"Going to LA, uh? Looks like u'll see ur mom. I don'twanna be in ur shoes, sis, but try to have fun! Xoxo"  
_ Cristina was her best friend, she thought while lying down and turning off the light. But Alex – Alex can understand her like no one. She wasn't exactly thrilled about seeing her mom again, but the medical conference sounded like fun. Like work – real work. Like she was going to be a real surgeon, with a different name, a different story, and just her own cleverness. Without being related to Ellis Grey. Or, at least, she could pretend to.

* * *

Meredith could feel Amelia Shepherd's eyes on her. She turned her head a little and smiled, tentatively, to encourage the girl to say something.

It was barely nine in the morning, they had been flying for a hour and a half. So, this means they were almost in Los Angeles. Meredith had been lazily reading a copy of _Vogue_ Izzie had left on her bag the night before, Amelia has been listening to music and Richard was still napping.

"You look nice," Amelia said smiling widely, scanning the girl's white tee and the coloured necklace. Meredith raised an eyebrow. "Sorry?"

"Nice. You do look nice. I've always seen you in that crappy scrub…". Seeing that Meredith puzzled expression hasn't changed, she laughed hard. "Oh gosh, what you must be thinking! I am not hittin' on ya, I am straight! I was just tryin' to be friendly"

"Oh!" Meredith exclaimed, a little more relaxed. "I wasn't thinking you were hitting on me, I saw you kissing O-" her eyes drifted to Richard and to Amelia's shocked expression and she bit her tongue. "I know you're straight," she corrected herself. "I am just… not used to friendly chatting"

"How so? You're always hanging out with Yang, you live with Karev and Stevens… am I correct?"

"Yes," Meredith replied, closing her _Vogue_. She wanted to talk to Amelia, actually. And it was strange because, like she said, she wasn't used to meeting new people, not since she met the other interns at Seattle Grace. Why Amelia never hung out with them? "You are correct but we have a strange relationship, basically constantly insulting each other". Amelia laughed, letting her finish. "Izzie is the only one who's a little sweeter". She looked at the girl with attention: the black shirt, the make-up that lit up even more her pretty blue eyes. Long, light-brown tresses on her shoulders. "You look gorgeous, too. Just to return the favour!"

"I like you, Meredith Grey," Amelia declared, as a matter of fact.

"Why do you never come to Joe with us?"

"I don't wanna intrude, I suppose. You guys seems like…family".

Meredith smiled a little. She wasn't used to the whole family concept at all. Family. Family involved a loving mom, a funny father, a sweet little sister, maybe. Family meant cookies baked together on Sunday mornings or afternoon strolls in the city. And holidays, and kissing each other good night. Family means love, and Meredith Grey has seen no love in her life at all.

"Feeling free to do so, the next time. Come alone, or bring a guy. Are you dating O- are you dating someone?". Apparently, Meredith knew about her fling with Owen Hunt, one of the residents. "Mmh, kinda," she explained. She knew better than to admit she might have a relationship with one of the bosses, she witnessed how it was hard for everyone to accept Burke and Yang, at the beginning. Plus, being the baby sister of Derek McDreamy Shepherd, the neuro god, was enough; she doesn't want another reason to make people think she has her shoulders covered.

But in the little time she'd been talking with her, Meredith seemed nice, funny, and definitely worth-trusting. "I have feelings for him and I am try to sort out if he might like me back. What about you?"

"Oh, I am dating Josè since I was a sophomore"

"Josè?"

"Josè Cervo," Meredith explained. One moment of silence, and then Amelia's hard, loud laughter. "Oh god! Tequila!"

"Yes," Meredith giggled. "I don't date. Never have, never will. One of the few things I learned from my mother. Men are distracting, and I don't need distraction. And I am not the kind of girl who falls in love. Trust me, I learned better!". She bit her tongue, having said more than enough. Amelia's nice eyes were on her face, but she didn't ask more.

There was a moment of silence, then Meredith, again, asked: "So, neuro, uh?". They were barely two months away their final exams and everyone was freaking out about choosing an area. Making up a work, choose a life. Cardio or neuro, general or ortho. The work you are going to do your whole life.

"Yes! Totally into the brain. I knew so since I started med school, and even if I tried changing my mind…"

"Why would you do so?"

"I'm gonna be the other Shepherd all life long, I suppose"

"Welcome to my life," said Meredith, her voice full of sarcasm. "I am the mini-Grey, can't you see it? The daughter of the legend. And I wish practically twice a day I can do something else!".

Amelia was about to reply, her eyes full of understanding but Richard's voice scared them saying: "Looks life someone found his twins!"

"How long have you been awake, Chief?" asked Meredith, giggling a little. He was right. Her and Amelia were similar and that felt strangely nice.

"What happened to calling me Richard? I knew you since you were five, carrying Anatomy Jane through the whole hospital. Besides – we're not working"

"Well, technically we are," Amelia commented grinning at the situation.

"If Amelia calls you Chief, I'll do the same"

"How about Amelia calls you Richard, too?" the soon-to-be neurosurgeon asked.

"I guess…" he said. "Very well, seems like we're about to land. Who wants Starbuck's breakfast?".

Two hands were raised, with two shining young pair of pretty eyes.

* * *

"What a crappy idea," Meredith murmured to herself. She was standing in a conference room full of physicians, in a fancy indigo dress, with her hair pulled up in a chignon; she spotted a group of people in the middle of the room, enamored with a doctor who was making small talks. Her mother, of course.

"Are we going to greet Boston Mass General Head of Surgery?" Richard said, his face relaxed in a kind smile.

"Oh gosh," Meredith breathed, but Amelia unconsciously saved her. She spotted a group of five and exclaimed: "Guys!" running toward them. Two of them were African-American, along with a good looking man and a stunning, tall red-head girl hugging Amelia. The last one was a man – no, not a man, more like a god. Tall, well-built, with dark, perfect hair, a dreamy smile and two blue-ocean eyes. He and Amelia looked alike.

"Is he Derek Shepherd, the god of neurosurgeons?" she asked to Richard, but realized she was left alone. In that moment, Amelia called her. "Mer! Come here!".

She reached for her friends, her own green eyes drooling in a pool of blue.

"These are my friends, Naomi and Sam Bennet, fertility and cardiothoracic surgeons. They run a practice here in LA"

"Nice to meet you," she said politely, shaking hands. "Meredith Grey, I am an intern at Seattle Grace like Amelia"

"Grey?" asked the good looking man. "As in…" and his eyes searched for Ellis.

"Yes, as in related to Ellis Grey," she explained, rolling her eyes. "I'm her daughter"

"I'm Mark Sloan, and this is my wife, Addison Montgomery" he said, embracing the stunning beauty. Addison Montgomery? She was a superstar! Meredith couldn't ever imagine she would look _like that._

"I'm a plastic surgeon and she's a neonatal, we work at Mount Sinai"

"And this," Amelia said, embracing the last man, "He's my brother"

"Dr. Derek Shepherd," he said, and his voice was calm, low and sexy, just like him.

"Nice to meet you, too," she smiled. "Now would you please excuse me, I have to find my mother"

"Are you gonna play the princess part, Mer?" Amelia said, laughing.

"I can't avoid it any longer!".

But apparently, luck was on her side. She was about to go to her mother, when a voice announced the meeting was about to start, so for the following two hours she was trapped in a small, comfy armchair, next to Amelia.

* * *

Derek Shepherd was actually very curious about hearing Dr. Grey's speech. She was a living legend, everyone studying medicine or working in the field knew about her. However, the truth was he wasn't really positive about her being this extraordinary. He simply thought she was slightly overrated.

Anyway, after about fifteen minutes, he had to realize she was even better than what he had heard through the grapevine; she was confident and brilliant, funny and intelligent, and totally fascinating. Blonde, short hair, and piercing eyes behind the glasses. Cold eyes. Nothing like her daughter – Derek had heard exactly one sentence from the young woman, said three times. But he had immediately discovered passion, a hidden sweetness, and strength. Things, he thought, she hadn't took from her mom.

"As most of all surely know," continued Dr. Grey, "my daughter, Dr. Meredith Grey, has almost finished her internship in surgery. I have to admit I was slightly pissed off that she chose my old friend Richard Webber instead of me," she stopped for a few second, waiting for the crowd to stop laughing. "But anyway, I would like to have her up here for a moment – I am positive you want to hear what is going on with the future of medicine!".

Meredith wanted to die in that precise moment. Her mom was Satan. She was even worse than what she had always imagined. Looking terrified to both Richard and Amelia, she decided she had just one thing to do: stand up, climb on the stage and prove herself.

She walked to the stage, hoping that her dress was alright, wishing to not fall from the heels or making a fool of herself. Her mom smiled confidently at her, while Meredith considered different options to kill her and made it look like it was an accident.

She took the microphone and started speaking.

 _God, help me, please. Just help me – I'll stop the whole tequila thing, but please, please, let me get through this!_

She spotted a pair of piecing blue eyes from the first chairs – Derek Shepherd was scanning her from head to toes. And not in a wrong way – with curiosity, and interest. From some strange reasons, that look gave her strength.

 _I can be even more arrogant than you, mom._

"Good day, ladies and gentlemen. As my mother introduced me, I am Meredith Grey and in two months I'll have my final exams. I worked for the past few years at Seattle Grace Hospital, in Seattle, Washington. My very first day of work, Dr. Richard Webber told us we were about to live the best and worst years of our lives. I didn't know what it meant, but now I do realize it with full conscience. I became a doctor myself, and I have seen my colleagues working small, little miracles all the way.  
Dr. George O'Malley was call 007 the day we started. After a few weeks, he did surgery in a elevator, during a black-out, following the advices of our Head of Cardiothoracic, Dr. Preston Burke. I am sure everyone in this room knows him. Actually, Dr. Burke and Dr. Teddy Altman fight almost every day because they both want to be assisted by another one of my colleagues, Dr. Cristina Yang.  
I could go on for hours, but I'll give you just another example: I am sure everyone here knows Dr. Derek Shepherd. Well, I have the pleasure to work with her sister, Dr. Amelia Shepherd. She didn't have the luck to have a mentor, during her internship. Anyway, I saw her performing an emergency craniotomy with the only help of her strength her knowledge, because she doesn't have time to wait for our Head of Surgery without losing the patient.  
And then, there's me – I am about to have my exams, like I said before, and hopefully I will soon be a general surgeon. I don't know where I'll go, maybe I'll stay where I am working with Drs. Webber and Bailey as an equal. But believe me, and remember, in ten years: Drs. Cristina Yang. Amelia Shepherd. George O'Malley. Isobel Stevens. Alex Karev. Meredith Grey. You haven't heard the last from us. Thank you for your attention".

She gracefully climbed down, in the exact moment the crowd started clapping fiercely. Even her mother was smiling.

 _Actually, being a star is hereditary_ , thought Derek, smiling.

* * *

Meredith had actually survived.

The conference day, the lunch with her mom and doctor Webber, where she had let them do all the talking. Her mom had been brilliant and polite, maybe even kind to her. Maybe Meredith's speech was giving its fruits.

It was five in the afternoon, and she had just discovered that day was Amelia's birthday. She had promised the girl she was going to "party away the night", in Amelia's words, with her, her friends – as in drs. Montgomery, Sloan, Bennet and her brother. And Josè Cuervo, obviously. Since she had talked so well about her during her speech, Amelia had promised her a whole bottle.

So, with jeans, a t-shirt, and sneakers, earphones on, sunglasses and hair pulled up in a bun, Meredith was walking across the promenade, trying to figure out what she would buy for Amelia.

"Dr. Grey?" a voice called her. She raised her head. _Oh, God._

"Dr. Shepherd!".

He smiled. Oh, what a smile.

"I wasn't sure it was you. I mean, with the sunglasses and everything…". He looked amazing in jeans and a shirt, even better than the morning. And despite her resolution on not to dating and not to feel attraction for any guy, she still was allowed to look.

"Oh, yes, I am taking some time off. I spent the day between my mom and that terrible dress, so I just wanted to relax and drink a coffee, plus I need to find a gift for Amelia, so-".

She was rambling. How impressive. Little she knew, Derek was completely fascinated. He couldn't believe his luck, in meeting her casually. She was beautiful, even more than in the morning. Plus, she was smart. Really smart. And he found that rambling attitude pretty sexy – along with the honey hair, the green eyes, the slender legs and the full breasts – yes, he had actually looked.

Derek met a lot of woman every day. Nurses, interns, patients. Women, young women, girls. He can acknowledge sexy women, but never, not in ten years, has he felt the same attraction he was feeling in that moment for Meredith Grey, a girl he had know for a few hours. It was a pretty strong attraction, too. Making him want to speak to her, to know her ideas, her vision of the world and her dreams. Making him want to sweep her off her feet, kiss her senselessly and making love to her from that moment to the following day, ravishing her skin, tasting every inch of her amazing body.

"A gift for Amy, uh? What do you have in mind?"

"I don't know. I don't have any ideas"

"Do you want some advice? I think I can manage buying a gift for my baby sis". He smirked at her, and she instantly knew why he was called McDreamy. Her knees felt like jelly, she could feel her throat closing in fear. He was danger. And despite she knew she had to run away, she asked: "What did you get her?"

"Just an iPhone 6. I didn't have time to find something better". Again, that smirk. And Meredith couldn't resist teasing him back: "Arrogant much, aren't you, Dr. Shepherd?"

"Always the arrogant, Dr. Grey. Arrogance, along with geniality and sex-appeal, wins in every situation".

Her stomach groaned in desire.

"You're extremely full of yourself, I see"

"Me? It wasn't me telling every single neurosurgeon and general surgeon in the country that they will remember me, in ten years!".

Touché.

She smiled widely at him. _Screw the fear. We're just talking_.

"That was payback for my mom's own arrogance. I'm sorry if I did mention you, anyway"

"You could buy me coffee as a truce. What do you think?".

She remained silent for a few moments. Coffee. With him. Coffee with the most good-looking guy ever in a great city, under a bright sun, with a lazy, sexy wind coming from the ocean…

 _It's just coffee. Get a grip, Mer. Just coffee._

"I'm sorry, dr. Grey, I didn't mean to cross a line," he said while her silence. She smiled sweetly: "No line crossed at all, dr. Shepherd. And it's Meredith, just Meredith. Anyway, aren't you a gentlemen, asking a girl to buy you coffee?" she smirked, seeing him blushing. How adorable he was. "Lead the way, is there a Starbucks somewhere?".


	2. Chapter 2

**Here we go, again! I am so happy you liked the start of this MerDer trip... thank you for your kind words! And thanks to VERO (merder32) because she's the best beta ever!**

 **So, here's chapter 2... read, enjoy and review!**

 **And if you have ideas about Meredith and Derek... WRITE! He may be death on the show but he can live here, and we can keep on thank him - them! - because they made us believe in true love!**

 **Hel**

 **Chapter 2**

 **Fireworks**

 _ **You don't have to feel like a wasted space  
You're original, cannot be replaced  
If you only knew what the future holds  
After a hurricane comes a rainbow**_

"So, tell me something about yourself," whispered Derek, sitting on the bench next to Meredith. They had got Amelia's present and two coffee from Starbucks.

He was immediately captured by a sweet, clean scent of lavender. Again, thoughts of her hair between his fingers while they made love hunted his mind.

"About me?" asked Meredith in a cute way. "There's nothing to tell. Nothing interesting at least"

"I don't believe you. But it's okay, at least for now. Let's play a game, we're going to tell each other five things about ourselves, and.."

"Dr. Shepherd-"

"No, Derek. Why am I allowed to call you Meredith and you would stick to the dr. thing?"

Meredith smiled, wide and happy. Relaxed, maybe for the first time, since that morning on the plane. "Okay, would you like to start, Derek?".

His name tasted like honey on her tongue. _Oh, crap. This is dangerous._

"Yes. I grew up in Connecticut; I have four sisters, all of them are physicians. My favorite ice-cream taste is coffee; I've been friends with Mark and Addison – Drs. Sloan and Montgomery – since first day in med school. And I went to Columbia".

Derek smiled at her, her hair brought on her eyes by the wind. He reached out to move them behind her ears, but saw her froze, so decided otherwise. Meredith took a few seconds to stare at her hands, unable to speak, completely terrified. His smile, his scent, the look in his eyes while he wanted to touch her hair.

 _I have to run. I have to run, as fast as I can._

But, for some strange reasons, she replied: "Okay, let's see… I grew up in Seattle but moved to Boston with my mother, universally known as God; I am an only child and my favorite ice-cream taste is strawberry. What else? My best friend's name is Cristina Yang, and I went to Dartmouth. Is this enough?"

"For now, Meredith. For now". Derek could see there was something scaring the girl, but he actually couldn't figure out what it was. Maybe he was asking questions that made her uneasy. Maybe she simply wasn't interested? But the way her cheeks went red when he came a little too close told him it was not the case. She was attracted to him, like he was attracted to her. Well, more like stunned and enamored, but even attracted would work…

"Tell me about Seattle Grace Hospital?" he asked, hoping this would make her relax more. It worked: Meredith smiled, and playing with a curl of golden hair, started chatting about interns and attendings, about special cases she witnessed. And then, suddenly, she stopped: "Oh, well, I think I am bothering you, your sister works with me so you probably already knew all of this cra- ehm, all of this stuff. I am sorry I don't have anything interesting to say, drs. Montgomery and Sloan are probably a better company than me, because I am just me and…"

Again with the rambling. Derek laughed hard, while Meredith thought again about running away. What was she thinking? Neurogod. McDreamy. He was a goddess and she thought she could chat with him like he was one of her stupid, intern colleagues?

 _You are so naïve, Meredith,_ her mother's voice said in her head. _You aren't strong enough. You aren't smart enough. What did I do wrong with you, child?_

She felt bitter tears in her eyes, thank God for the big, hiding sunglasses she was wearing.

"Hey," he said sweetly, impulsively taking her hand. Meredith felt cold drops on her back, but she didn't want to take her hand away. His touch was nice, comforting and warm. And sexy as hell, like everything about Derek. Derek…

"It was me asking about your work. Amy isn't usually this chatty – at least not with me! And believe me, you are great company. Actually, the best". He smiled at her.

 _Now I get why they call him McDreamy…_

"No-one has ever called me chatty," Meredith replied, smiling back. "They say I'm dark and twisty"

"How so?" Derek asked, their hands still intertwined.

"Well, you know, parents issues, abandonment issues, my mother telling me that I am –" Was she about to tell him, a complete stranger, a renowned neuro surgeons, that her mother thinks she's a waste of space on the planet? Wait: has she really just told him she has abandonment issues?

 _I really do have to run._

"Well, her telling me all the things she says"

"Which things?"

She moved her hand, standing up. "I have to go," she said suddenly. "I have to get back to the hotel, probably your sister and dr. Webber are looking for me".

Derek eyed her intently. "Oh, okay. Can I walk you back?" he offers, not wanting to let her go.

 _Don't go.  
Stay with me.  
I want to wait for the dark with you, sitting down on the beach and count the stars together.  
I want you to tell me about your whole life, I want to make up for the time I lose.  
I want you to give me your future._

"Uh- yes, I think so. If you have time to waste," and she smiled.

"Yes, I think I do".

She was utterly embarrassed by his charm, and his attentions toward her. Can't really say she was used to displays of affection, or whatever was what dr. – _Derek_ was displaying.

They walked all the way back to the hotel in complete and comfortable silence. Derek was torn about the urgency of planning his next move to win her over and the happiness he truly felt just being like that, walking next to each other, occasionally sharing smiles. And Meredith's position was even worse: run away like she used to do when a guy became a little too… suffocating was impossible, with Derek. He was funny and charming, amazingly handsome and extremely polite, and she was enjoying her time very much. Can she allow herself to get to know him?

 _He's a world renowned surgeon and the brother of my new friend. It's complicated and I am tired of complicated situations in my life._

When they reached her hotel, Meredith stood in front of him, unsure about what to say.

"So…" he started, and she took courage: "Thank you, Derek. I really had a nice time"

"Despite standing up in the middle of a conversation to go hiding?" he smirked, and Meredith's cheeks flushed terribly. "A- oh. Yes. Besides that," she decided to play along, smiling at him. Could he understand her? Really, deeply understand her, her life, her various issues, her fearing of trust and commitment?

Probably not. He was just another guy.

"I'll see you tonight?" he asked, reaching gently for her hand, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Yes," she whispered back, and felt a sudden, enormous need of kissing him. And finally, like she wanted to do since the morning, she ran away.

* * *

Dressed in a knee-length, strapless ivory Hermes dress, barefoot but with her pair of Louboutin sandals in her hands, Meredith stood in the sand. It felt so good, so unbelievably good. The night light breeze caressed her hair, held back on her nape, kissing her skin.

Maybe, that trip had been a great idea. The night had gone amazingly, so far: Amelia was so funny and sweet, introducing again her as her friend, occasionally placing her arm around Meredith's shoulder while drinking tequila's shots with her.

Meredith was enjoying herself, drinking, dancing, joking with her friend and even talking about medicine with Addison, Mark, Naomi and Sam. Meredith really liked Amelia's – or Amy, like Derek called her – friends. She was particularly fond of Addison because she was everything a woman-doctor would like to be: focused, smart, brilliant, refined and incredibly beautiful.

After a few hours of fun, a slightly tipsy Meredith stepped out on the beach, ready to enjoy every moment in LA, and most of all, ready to let her thoughts run to Derek.

They had talked and laughed together, he had told the others about their meeting of the afternoon and Meredith had felt more at ease than ever. He could be a prince charming. Maybe even _her_ prince charming, if only…

"Nah, that's just the tequila talking," she told herself out loud.

"And what it is saying?" asked a voice – Derek's voice – behind her shoulders.

Meredith abruptly looked back: "Derek," she said, and smiled widely when saw him carrying a bottle of tequila and a shot glass.

"Josè!" she exclaimed.

"Do you want one?"

"Yesss! Defini-te-ly want one!".

Derek poured the liquid into the glass and handed it to Meredith.

"Thank you! You are my knight in shining… whatever!".

He smiled back, sitting next to her on the sand. She was drunker than what he had expected.

"Armor, Mer. Armor. Have I already told you how beautiful you look tonight?".

She was drunk, but not totally, so she blushed and replied: "Have I ever told you this is a limited editioned Hermes dress and I am completely ruining it? Completely! Com-ple-te-ly!".

He laughed and decided he was about to throw away 4oo$ in jeans and it was actually worth it. Wrapping an arm around her waist, he brought her to sit on his lap.

"This is better!" Meredith stated, giggling. She was so sweet and adorable while doing so. "Soooo so better! You are so nice and cute. Sooo cute!"

"You are beautiful, too. Princess," he told her, chuckling. Drunk Meredith was a great show. He wanted to tell her she was beautiful since the first moment he laid eyes on her. He just hoped she will remember, the next morning.

"You should date Addison," she declared, seriously.

"She's married to my best friend," Derek explained, laughing softly.

"I knooooow!" she screamed. And then, lowering her voice: "But she's soooo pretty! So so very pretty and you are pretty so pretty should date pretty!"

"You ramble even when you're drunk," he noticed, and Meredith hit his shoulder. Derek added: "Can you keep a secret?"

"Yes!" she whispered loudly, crimpling her nose in what he found the cutest way ever.

"You're prettier than Addison and I would rather date you"

"I knoooow!" she screamed again. "But I can't! I can't can'tcan't!" she sang

"Why?" he asked, seriously, but Meredith was unable to have a proper conversation. She tried to stand up, declared she wanted to dance, but fall again on Derek's lap, laughing.

"I can't stand!" she explained, hiding her face in the crook of his neck, hugging him.

Was she so drunk to not understand she was playing with fire?

Derek couldn't help but hugging her back, whispering: "You smell so nice"

"Mmh, you too," she murmured.

Derek lowered his face, searching for her gaze.

They couldn't tell if it was him or her. Maybe it was mutual, and their lips touched softly.

Meredith leaned back a little, looking scared and completely aroused. She closed her eyes, kissing him again. Immediately, the effects of tequila disappeared and she felt it all: knees turning into jelly, sweaty hands, dry throat, her heart jumping like crazy in her chest and she couldn't help but moaning.

Fireworks had began to play between the black sky and the ocean, colors running after themselves, explosions over their heads.

Not Meredith neither Derek noticed: he wrapped an arm stronger around her, the other hand running between the gold tresses, making love to her mouth with all his heart.

This was the girl for him.

He just knew.

Years spent on the books, building the man he was now, he didn't have time or willingness to share his days with a woman. And now, now that he was a grown up, now that he had it all, he was ready. Ready to settle down, ready to truly fall in love, ready to share.

With her. With Meredith Grey, a girl that after a few hours he wanted to call his own.

"Meredith! Mer!". Amy's voice was calling for her.

Meredith came immediately to her senses: was she crazy?! She pulled back, fear written all over her face. Derek tried to caress her, to tell her it was fine, that he wanted her and he wanted to keep her happy, but she just murmured "What have I done?" and ran away.

He was left alone on the beach, fireworks still playing over his head.

* * *

Time to try the last move.

Meredith was coming back to Seattle the following morning, so Derek, dressed up in a nice blue shirts and jeans, headed to her hotel. After the rendezvous on the beach the night before, he had spotted her at the medical conference, but didn't actually figured out how to go speak to her without letting everyone know – including Ellis Grey, God saves us – something was going on between them.

Probably Amelia knew something: she had looked strangely at him once or twice, but he didn't have time to fix that, too. He would leave to Meredith the decision: she can tell Amelia, if she wished.

When he arrived at the hotel, asked at the reception if they could call Dr. Grey and tell her Dr. Shepherd was waiting for her. When he'd been told she was coming, he made a last-time reservation for a table for two, on the panoramic terrace. Then, he waited patiently, his heart jumping like crazy in his chest.

Meredith appeared, dressed in an old Dartmouth t-shirt, a pair of denim shorts, Converse and her hair in a messy ponytail, saying: "Amy, I thought-" but she stopped and blushed furiously when she saw Derek. "It's you!" she exclaimed, even slightly pissed off.

"I'd say you're not happy to see me" he observed, but couldn't help but smile.

"What do you want?" Meredith snapped. He was dangerous. She had suspect it before but now she had proofs – real proofs. Like being curled in his lap, kissing his sweet kissable lips on the beach under the moon. It was wrong, and so cliché, too.

 _I thought I did a better job than this with you, Meredith,_ Ellis' voice said bitterly in her ears.

She was better than this.

"Just ask you if you want to have dinner with me. I've made a reservation," Derek explained, smiling kindly.

"I don't go out on dates," she snapped.

"We're not going _out_. We're having dinner here, you don't have to dress up"

"What would it mean? I'm tired of your tricks!".

Derek had a sudden image of her face the night before, so full of lust and passion for him, for _them_ , and he couldn't help but feel a thrill.

"I dare to differ. Anyway, this is not a date, just dinner. You don't go out with men but you eat, right?".

Meredith rolled her eyes: "Very smart, dr. McDreamy! Okay, let's eat!" and she leaded to the restaurant of the hotel.

"Wouldn't you like to change?" he asked, but following her.

"No. The winner takes it all, uh? And you said this is no date, so…".

She was right, Derek had said it, but the atmosphere belonged to the most romantic date ever. Flowers, candles, white table cloth, all of this right in front of the ocean. They were alone in the small, hidden terrace and Meredith had to learn how to manage with the emotions he stirred deep inside of her in a long-time basis. She felt lot and scared, so she decide to follow his gentle lead, answering to his questions about her work and her friends, laughing to his light jokes and sometimes asking about his life in New York. A life she could just imagine. Because the more she started feel comfortable with him, the more she thought they had lives waiting for them in two different parts of the country. And if Derek Shepherd could teach her how to love and being loved in return, she just couldn't do it. Because, if she decided a long time before that falling in love was not in her plans, let alone fall in love with a man who lived all across the country.

She couldn't fall, because she didn't know how to fly. She couldn't shatter to the ground.

When Derek escorted her right next her room door, he stopped with the jokes and the flirting and decide to discover his cards. She was leaving. The girl he had always dreamt about was leaving. For good. And they didn't have enough time. I didn't have enough time to convince her they were made for each other.

"I want to see you again," he whispered passionately, feeling so bold too place a hand on her hips. Meredith shivered a little but didn't pull back.

"We can't," she said back, feeling pain in her stomach. She was so stupid! She should have ran away the first moment she felt her back shiver looking into his eyes, and then she decided to stay and play with the fire.

"It was good spending time with you, but we can't see each other again. Let alone it's technically impossible!"

"It could be more than good," Derek explained, trying to hug her closer. "Give me your phone number, your e-mail…and we'll find a way".

She closed her eyes, trying to hold back the tears.

 _Run, Meredith. You'll end up burned. Run NOW!_

Seeing her eyes closed, Derek leaned down and kissed her gently, brushing her lips with his own. And exactly when he thought she was going to let herself go, she pulled back and ran into her room, shutting the door after her.

Derek just knew, he will never see her again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 **Chasing cars**

 _ **If I lay here – if I just lay here  
would you lay here with me  
and just forget the world?**_

 _Four months later_ _– Seattle, WA_

 _Derek dropped some cream on his hand and started spreading it on the girl's neck, caressing the smooth skin there._

" _Mmh," she moaned, reclining her head. He dropped a quick, sweet kiss on her temple, moving his hands and the cream on her arms. Meredith rested her head on his shoulder, messing the bun of her golden hair._

" _Are you hot?" he breathed in her ear, referring to the hot weather. They were on a beach, a dreaming, white-sanded beach._

 _Mmh," she moaned again, louder, reaching to stroke his tight. "Very hot indeed, Dr. Shepherd…"_

" _Meredith," he mumbled, kissing her neck._

 _Meredith…_

 _Meredith…_

 _Mer…_

Derek woke up in a pool of sweat.

 _Holy mother of crap._

"Good morning, Seattle! It's five in the morning and it seems we're going to enjoy an unusual sunny day…" came a voice from the radio. Five a.m. He needed to get up, to take a shower, fix himself some breakfast and go to work. He can't possibly waste time dreaming of Meredith Grey and waking up with a massive hard – on. Not here, and not now, especially.

When dr. Richard Webber called him, a few weeks ago, offering him a job as Head of Neuro at Seattle Grace Hospital, his mind had displayed a giant neon saying _Meredith_.

The problem is, he had decided months ago to stop thinking about Meredith Grey. He had been totally enamored with the girl's attitude, but she left. _She left_. Refusing to give him his phone number and another chance to see her.

Derek didn't want a girl who didn't want him.

Anyway, he had accepted the job. He needed a fresh start, especially with Addison and Mark away in Los Angeles. Seattle could do wonders to him, he could be near his little sister Amelia. And then, yes, there was Meredith. And he really needed to see her again, even if just for shaking her away from his system.

* * *

"A very good morning, attending friends!" exclaimed the bright, nice voice of Amelia Shepherd. She reached for Meredith and Alex and wrapped each arm on their shoulders.

"Shep, drop it," said Cristina Yang. She was usually a bitter person, especially in the mornings. "We've been attendings since two months, how long ago are you going to give us this show?"

"But this is a pretty nice morning," Izzie said, giving Amelia a smile. "It's rare for us to start at the same hour".

Alex Karev, Amelia Shepherd, Izzie Stevens, George O'Malley, Cristina Yang and – of course – Meredith Grey stood in their coats, outside the hospital, in front of their usual morning kiosk, enjoying a cup of coffee – Meredith's second – and some time together before their shifts started.

"At least it's sunny," observed George. "And you, Amelia, you have one more reason to be bright and shiny today"

"Which one?" asked Meredith, still relaxed against Amelia's side. Since their trip to Los Angeles, they had become close friends. They had spent various night with beer and tequila filling the other in each other's life. The only thing Amelia didn't know, was Meredith's… little elapse with her brother. Meredith was ashamed about their two dates – even if she had always specified how there was no dating – and their two kisses, and most of all about her undeniable attraction to Derek. He was a great guy, and even if he had spent every night since the moment when she had shot the door to his face, in her last night in L.A., she had dreamed about him, she was positive about trying to getting rid of the habit as soon as possible. She was tired of waking up in pools – sometimes it was sweat, sometimes… something else – and lay in her bed in the middle of the night trying to imagine how they could be together, if she would ever allow herself to date someone and if he wouldn't be all the way back to New York. She didn't even allow herself to miss him, but in the middle of the nights, alone in her room, she longed for him. Longed to be loved by him.

"The new Head of Neuro starts today!" Izzie exclaimed, bringing Meredith back from her _Mc_ Daydreaming.

"Oh, yeah," murmured Meredith. "I wonder who will be"

"I'm not sure if I should celebrate," Amelia observed. "I can have tons of problems with someone new". Her pager went off. "What the Chief wants from me? Ok, see you later, guys".

Amelia went inside, and Cristina breathed deeply. "Ok, I should go, too"

"Everyone should," grumbled George, and they walked inside the hospital.

* * *

Amelia knocked on the door of the Chief's office. When she heard his baritone voice telling her to come in, she almost had a heart attack.

"Derek!" she exclaimed. Her brother was strolling around, pretty nervously, in Richard Webber's office.

"I didn't tell her," Derek said to Richard, reaching out to hug his sister. Amelia took two seconds to put two and two together. "You are the new Head of Neuro!"

"Yeah. Surprise, sister!"

Amelia's face was anything but surprised.

"Dr. Shepherd, would you mind escorting your brother out? Dr. Edwards will show him around," asked Richard. Amelia nodded and went out, trying to process her feelings. She was happy to see her brother, of course. She missed him, and despite her friends, it would be nice having someone who was family – _real_ family – close. But she had moved to Seattle exactly to avoid Derek's shadow.

Plus, she simply _knew_ something had happened between Derek and Meredith, back in Los Angeles. She had been told by the way his brother looked at her friend, and the way Meredith panicked every time she mentioned Derek. So, she wasn't exactly surprised when Derek asked her: "Ahm- Amy, do you know where I can find Dr. Grey?"

"Meredith?"

"Yes, the one you introduced me to in L.A. Aren't you friends with her anymore?"

"She's my best friend," she said. "Beside Addie, of course. But I don't know where she is, she was in a particular difficult gallstones case – she is a general, now, you know. But if I see her, I'll tell her you're searching for her". She spotted dr. Stephanie Edwards walking toward them, so she left. She needed to clear her mind, but most of all, she needed to find Meredith.

* * *

Meredith had been stuck in pit for three hours, now. She had taken care of a particular post-op gallstones case, and now she was with her intern, a pretty but strange girl called Jo Wilson, checking on a 60-years-old female, arrived to SGH for a fell down the stairs. While seeing if she had some internal bleeding, she just knew something was neurologically wrong with the patient.

"Wilson, run, find Amelia Shepherd – I need her help".

Wilson ran – she just knew how to behave: if Medusa tells you to run, you run. If Medusa tells you to find dr. Shepherd, your legs will better carry you exactly to where dr. Shepherd was. If Medusa tells you to dance in the O.R., you dance. She had heard through the grapevines that Dr. Bailey, the other general surgeon, was call the Nazi, but Medusa was ten times worst.

She crashed in her friend Stephanie and a tall, good looking guy – the new Head of Neuro, of course – and she cursed under her breath when Stephanie stopped her.

"Where are you going?"

"Medusa wants me to find dr. Shepherd or she will scalp me". She flushed a look to Derek. "I am sorry sir"

"What's the matter?"

"We have a woman, down at pit, Medusa – ehm, the general surgeon was there and while securing she didn't have some internal bleeding, she said something was worse with the patient – something neurological. So she sent me to call Amelia Shepherd"

"We don't know where my sister is," Derek observed. "I am a neurosurgeon and I am the Head, and this is my first day – I can't wait to help. Show me where… _Medusa_ is".

Jo knew she would pay for this, but didn't complain. She led the way, hoping that he wasn't going to tell Meredith Grey she had called her Medusa in front of him.

When Derek looked where the scared intern suggested him to, his heart jumped like crazy in his chest.

There was a slim, elegant girl in indigo scrubs, fixing a patient. Her shoulders, the slim waist, the golden hair up in a messy bun. He knew before she turned – _Meredith_.

Despite his injured pride at her previous rejection, he felt a sudden wave of joy in his throat. She was here, right in front of him.

"Dr. Grey, I found the other Shepherd," Wilson announced. Probably Meredith hadn't heard just the last line, because she turned around saying "Amy, take a look- You!" she exclaimed, seeing Derek.

He was here.

In Seattle.

In her pit. Well, not exactly hers, but…

"Derek!"She couldn't help but smile a little. "What are you doing here?". She was so stunned she didn't even complained when he pulled her in for a quick, sweet hug. "Hello, Mer. How about we fix this lady and then I'll explain your everything?"

* * *

"So, you'll be working here?" Meredith asked quietly, just to be sure she had understood it all correctly. She had managed to take five minutes off, and she was sitting with Derek in a corner in the cafeteria, having a coffee and trying to digest the fact that he was here.

"Yes," he said brightly. "I wasn't happy anymore, in New York. My position here will be better, and plus, I didn't take so well the fact that Mark and Addison are all the way across the country"

"What happened to them?" she asked, and she looked at her black coffee, just to divert her gaze from his lips. Lips she wanted so much to feel on her own.

"They moved to Los Angeles to work with Naomi and Sam, do you remember them?"She nodded. "They asked me if I wanted to go, too. But like I told you…"

"Yeah, you would never live in L.A.".

She remembered.

What a mess of a situation. She has to deal with her feeling for him, her necessity to run from him, the fear of his next move, the sudden want to ask him if he still wanted her, not to mention Amelia's reaction to him here. She would be projecting her suicide if her mother had moved to Seattle.

Derek, on the other hand, felt so happy about his decision to accept the job. Seeing her with the patient, seeing the _surgeon_ made him realize how amazing she was, both as a physician and as a woman. The girl dancing around and drinking tequila barefoot on the beach was gone, but the woman in front of him was as much beautiful, sexy, smart and interesting. He wanted her more than he had realized back in New York, and he was going to make her feel for him the same things he felt for her. Period.

Tentatively, he reached out and took her hand on the table. She blushed and freed hers, pretending to scratch her cheek.

 _Not much for a start_.

"Mer," he tried again. She raised her face, green drooling in blue.

"Yes?" Derek saw the fear written in clear letters on her face.

"The Chief told me he and his wife are renewing their wedding vows, this Sunday. He asked me if I wanted to go, to start getting along with my – our – colleagues. I was wondering if you would like to go with me? I would kind of like to have you with me, or I'll end up alone in a corner. Besides, I had so much fun with you in L.A…".

Meredith knew he was lying. She knew it was an excuse. Derek Shepherd was such a natural, confident guy that he would end up hosting the party, actually. Not to mention his shoulders, the slim waist, the strong arms… The dreamy face. At a party. A party with rivers of champagne and tons of willing, giggling girls.

 _No way_.

Meredith Grey didn't date, and this was a fact, but she wasn't going to throw him in the lions' den. A tiny, stupid part of her longed to claim his as her McDreamy.

"Yes" she agreed. "Still – I don't date, and you know this". She stood, ready to go check again too her gallstones patient.

"I do remember. But I'm allowed to try to make you change your mind, I hope". He flashed her a very McDreamy smile, and left.

That man was trouble.

* * *

It was – finally – the end of the day. Meredith was quite content: her gallstones case was healing well, and hers and Derek's patient had nothing serious. She didn't even feel the need to scalp Wilson, since she had asked her to call Amelia and she had showed up with McDreamy… She smiled a little, thinking about Derek. Had she actually agreed on going to Richard's anniversary with him? What the hell was she supposed to wear? But, most of all, why the hell she cared?

 _Weak, romantic Meredith,_ her mother's voice whispered in her ears.

"Meredith!".

She heard a voice calling for her in the empty parking lot and she knew who it was. She turned around, and she saw Derek running to her, holding a small package in his hands.

"Hey, what happened?"

"Nothing," he said, smiling and handing her the package. "I brought you this… I found it yesterday". She ripped the package open, revealing a beautiful light – blue scrub cap with ferryboats printed on it. "I bought two, I have one too – the thing I like the most about Seattle is ferryboats, and you, of course. So…"

She held the little piece of cloth in her hands, unable to speak. No one had never done something nicer for her.

"I hope we both will wear it, during our first surgery together," he breathed.

Meredith looked at him, letting herself get carried away by the feelings he was giving her. "Thank you," she whispered, smiling so widely, reaching for him. Derek held her by her waist, leaning tentatively to her. Meredith raised her face, offering him her lips, uncaring about anything but them.

Derek kissed her, slowly and sweetly, holding her waist and stroking her hair back from her beautiful face.

"How I wanted to do this again," he moaned into her mouth, and Meredith smiled, bringing herself closer to him.

She was completely screwed and she knew it, but who cared? Screw the world, screw her mother, screw her rules. She wanted to feel him even if she knew she was going to run away. Again. Probably, she would have run in the exact moment if she had known Amelia was watching them form the other end of the parking lot.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you very much for your kind words! Nothing makes me happier than nice reviews! I'm so glad you're enjoying reading it as much as I'm enjoying writing, please keep on letting me know what you think. I was so afraid of starting this because English is not my first language and I was afraid to not be able to write at my best like I do in Italian – but I have to say, it's working! And my biggest thank you for this goes to my lovely twinnie:** **merder32** **who is beta-reading all of this!  
Someone is reading both this story and Never want more? I am pretty ****curious** **! Anyway, let's come back to Mer & Der… I'm sure you were waiting for a very needed conversation between Mer and Amelia.**

 **Enjoy, and please… review more!**

 **Love,**

 **Hel. (:**

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

 **Black & Blue**

 _ **You see the sunrise just around the bend  
you've made it through the darkness until the end  
you've been through hell and back again  
just to find your way home**_

Derek Shepherd had moved to Seattle to live in a trailer.

He had left his Manhattan apartment to bury himself in the wood. He had bought the land because it was cheap and amazingly beautiful, and had decided to start with the trailer, just the time to get adjusted to the change, and then go apartment – hunting. He wasn't exactly sure what he was going to do with the land, but he had decided it wasn't going to stress himself over it. He made enough money to indulge in a whim like that. Maybe, someday, he would feel like having a real home and he would have had the place where to build it. But a home is not a home, without a woman, and children…  
Derek was anything but a snobbish person. He was arrogant, of course, and as a world - known neurosurgeon had definitely a God-complex, but he wasn't a snob. Anyway, he had hated the trailer since moment one: it was tiny, uncomfortable… just extremely _small_.  
But that night – after his first day of work, after seeing Meredith again, after she agreed to go to the Chief's anniversary with him – he came home feeling content and happy. And even that crappy trailer felt like a big comfortable, modern loft.

Amelia Shepherd had a terrible day. A patient of a simple, ordinary craniotomy had died on her table from a heart attack, the intern she had for the day, Leah Murphy, was nothing but an idiot, and her dear brother was the new Head of _her_ department. It wasn't like she wanted that job for herself: she had just become an attending, and it was enough for her. She was content with it and most of all, with it _far away_ from her brother. She loved Derek, and Derek loved her. He was protective, nice, funny, willing to help and so very sweet. But as _her brother_. In the hospital, he was the neuro-god. He was McDreamy. He was the best, and she had spent most of her young life trying to gain her own name, and her own position. With Derek in Seattle, she wasn't _dr. Shepherd_ anymore. She was going to be _the other_ Shepherd. The _wrong_ Shepherd.

Anyway, a tiny part of her was happy. A part of her who was still young and scared was happy to have her DerBear next door, to help and protect her. And she was happy to have dinner with him, that night. She just had to make a stop at her house – well, Meredith's house – to shower, change, and most of all ask her friend why on earth she was kissing her brother in the parking lot of the hospital. But especially - why on earth didn't she tell her, because Amelia had a strong feeling that she hadn't witnessed the couple's first kiss.

Couple.

Her brother and Meredith.

A _couple_.

She found Meredith curled up on the swing in the front porch. She had her knees up to her chest, her face buried in her hands. She was wearing yoga pants and her Dartmouth t-shirt.

"Are you ok, Mer?" she asked softly slipping on the swing next to her. She immediately reached out to caress her golden, messed lock, trying to comfort her. She was in trouble, she could tell.

Meredith nodded. She can't tell Amy, can she? She felt terribly guilty. Among all her concerns about Derek, and relationships in general – or whatever he was suggesting – she felt like betraying Amelia. The girl had shown her unconditional loyalty, they got along because of their frustrating relatives and now she was fal –

 _No way._

"Yeah, Ames. Just a rough day"

"I imagine you didn't expect for my brother to show up during your pit shift".

Meredith's eyes were the size of two cups.

"You know?"

"Everybody does. When I passed by the lobby, nurse Debbie was telling nurse Olivia about your sweet little hug". She wasn't angry. She just wanted to play with terrified Meredith.

"Ames, I –"

"And I saw the two of you kissing in the parking lot".

Meredith gasped.

"Amelia – I'm sorry. I swear, there's nothing going on, I…"

"Nothing?". Amelia giggled. "Doesn't seem nothing to me. And anyway, Derek's been eating you up with his eyes, back in L.A.".

Meredith decided to keep quiet. She was going to lose a friend. She just knew it. And she couldn't tell anything to Amelia, she was completely guilty.

Seeing her friend so hurt, Amelia grabbed Meredith's hand. "Hey, it's ok. I'm not upset. I'm trying to figure it out, but I'm pretty excited about the two of you dating or whatever you're doing".

All the strength she has imposed on herself during the day, maybe during all her life, fell down in that moment and Meredith found herself mumbling tentatively the truth: "We're not dating. He asked me, he's been asking me since day one, but I can't – I just can't force myself to give it a try"

"Why so?" Amelia asked, as softly as Meredith's confession.

"My parents divorced when I was five, and I still don't know the reason. I just know my dad left, just like that. I've never, ever seen him or heard from him again. I know he has a new family, somewhere. Kids. Kids probably better than me. We moved to Boston, you already know this, and I practically lived at the hospital until I was able to provide for myself. My mother spent our little time together telling me I wasn't good enough. Anything I did wasn't enough for her. She constantly left me alone, no Christmas, no birthdays, no Sundays, no holidays. Anything. She's a little… softer, right now, maybe because I chose general, or maybe because Richard Webber told her a lot of times I am great, but I'm not sure she believes that, when I told her I wanted to become a doctor she answered that I could at least be a nurse"

"Oh, Meredith…" Amelia breathed, hugging her friend strongly. How a terrible childhood – she wondered how Meredith had turned into such a kind, focused, friendly young woman. She has Derek, and Liz, Nancy and Kat. And their mother, of course. A mother who had spent all of her life trying to make sure her children wouldn't miss their father too much. Every night, she tucked Amelia in and told her "I love you, I'll see you tomorrow". And Meredith had no one.

"I tried all my life to be in control of myself," Meredith continued. "And I can't let anyone in, because your brother is kind, and funny, and wants to date and…"

"And you're afraid you'll fall in love with him," Amelia stated. "And falling in love means losing control"

"He thinks it can work, but it really can't. As soon as he gets to know me, he'll leave. I am damaged goods, he wouldn't want to be around me"

"Meredith, he is crazy about you," Amelia said, hugging her again. "I saw how he kissed you and I swear I've never seen him kissing anyone with the same care. He won't walk away. Please, try and let him in, I believe he can make you happy"

"I can't let anyone hurt me again," Meredith said almost to herself, looking to the ground.

* * *

"Good morning!"

Derek Shepherd greeted cheerfully sitting down in an empty spot between his sister and a tall, girly blonde with her mouth full of fries. In front of him, an Asian woman was devouring a hamburger – Cristina Yang, the cardio rock star. He had met her the day before - two guys and Meredith. One of the guys, with gentle light eyes, was ogling him, and the other one seems very interested in his pasta.

"Sorry to bother you, but I don't know anyone yet and I don't really want to eat alone. I'm Derek Shepherd, from neuro"

"Yes, Ams' brother!" said the blonde sitting next to him, but she was interrupted by one of the two guys, who seems to have decided Derek was worth looking at. "We heard about you. I'm Alex Karev, pediatric, and this is Izzie Stevens, from the vagina squad". The blonde flashed him a killing look, and Derek wanted to laugh, because he and Mark used to called Addison the same way during their internship, but he thought it wasn't a smart move making himself an enemy on his second day.

"I'm George O'Malley, trauma," said shyly the last guy.

Meredith was trembling, with her eyes fixed on her salad.

"We've met yesterday," said Cristina. "Nice to see you again, dr. McDreamy".

Derek blushed profusely, but managed to laugh, and Meredith found herself completely captivated by the gesture: McDreamy – indeed – blushing like a schoolboy. He wasn't just funny, sexy, handsome and confident; he was also adorable.

 _Trouble, trouble, trouble._

"We're already on nick-names basis?" Derek asked. He liked doctor Yang: she was smart, talented and sarcastic.

"So let me introduce anyone properly," she smiled. "He's Bambi, or 007," she said, patting O'Malley's back, who looked like he wanted to strangle her. "And they're Evil Spawn and Barbie. I've re-named your sister the Shepherdess, and the rude, impolite blonde is Meredith Grey, general, daughter of God, universally known as Dark-and-Twisty Medusa, and nowadays the biggest fear of every intern"

"I'm not rude!" Meredith grumbled, her cheeks flushing, while Derek laughed out loud. Cute, pretty Meredith dancing drunk on the beach the biggest fear of every intern?

"And the interns are not scared of me!"

"Yes you are. You didn't even introduce yourself"

"That's because he knows who I am!" Meredith snapped. This was a tiny detail she still had to work out: telling her friends what was going on between her and Derek. And she didn't want at all.

"He does?" Cristina asked, confused. Then she looked at Derek: "You do?"

"I do," Derek grinned.

"They met back in L.A.," Amelia said, clearly annoyed. "I'm pretty sure we've mentioned it here and there, and you'd remember, if you'd be a little interested"

"I'm sorry, I can't waste my time following your conversations. Mer is annoyingly chatty around you"

"This is what happens when you hang out with a Shepherd," Derek commented, flushing a very McDreamy smile to Meredith. "And us Shepherd are apparently very fond of Meredith – ouch!"

Meredith had kicked his calf under the table.

"Probably it's Meredith who doesn't like _this_ Shepherd very much," she retorted, and Alex and Amelia laughed loudly. Amelia was indeed enjoying the show very much: she was used to walk past girls' bodies at Derek's feet.

"What happened between the two of you?" asked Izzie smiling widely.

Meredith was about to run away and go finish her lunch in the locker room. Luckily, her page went off and she did just that, mumbling "Nothing. And don't ask him or you'll be homeless by the end of the day".

 _This girl is always running,_ thought Derek. He had hoped for a lunch with her – even if not alone with her – and he had got a lunch trying to avoid the strange look in her friends' eyes. But he was lucky: apparently Izzie Stevens cared about having a house, and no one made further questions about his and Meredith's whereabouts in Los Angeles… for now.

* * *

Derek spent indeed a boring Monday, but Tuesday proved the week was improving, when Meredith entered his OR on Tuesday morning, with sparkling eyes and the scrub cap he had given her. Derek felt a rush of emotion running through his veins when he realized they had the same scrub cap on, exactly like he had imagined.

Surgery went well.

No other word could described it.

They kept on giving each other furtive looks, immediately looking on the patient when the other raised their heads, pretending to be focused on their work. Meredith felt his blue gaze on herself, and Derek was seriously terrified he would end up practicing a hole in the patient's cranium.

"You're sexually harassing me, dr. Grey," Derek murmured when he caught Meredith's emerald eyes on him.

"Am I?" she asked, playing dumb. "You're stalking me since your first day. And here I am just fixing this poor guy"

"You knew how to prevent the stalking, but you decided to let me suffer" he said calmly. "And stop looking at my chest," he added with a smirk.

"I am not looking at your chest!" she snapped. "Do you want me to kill the patient?"

"They say you Medusa doesn't kill patients, she just occasionally scalps interns…" he sing-songed.

"You are an idiot," she mumbled. "I don't like you"

"Oh, but you do. You're looking at me…"

"No, I am looking at this abdomen, McDreamy"

"Don't call me McDreamy"

"And don't call me Medusa! I'll kill Cristina…".

At her mention of dr. Yang, Derek asked: "How come you didn't tell your friends about… us?"

"How come you won't never, ever mind your own business? And there isn't an _us_ "

"I'll win you over. We'll end up married with three kids, and you'll wander around telling people how stupid you were wasting time refusing me". At this, Meredith laughed. Sincerely, genuinely.

"I'm done," she said, finishing her suture.

"Yeah, me too. Just a second and we can scrub out".

When they went off the OR, he trapped her in a corner of the empty aisle, between the wall and his strong body.

Meredith felt a rush of warmth going straight to her core. She craved this man, she could deny it to anyone, but not to herself. She had been very… sexually loose in college, and the chastity of the moment was indeed work's fault. Anyway, she was positive she hadn't met her real mate, yet. What she felt for him in that moment, the night before, back in L.A. was not just a sexual awakening. It was like she was identifying her mate. He felt like a missing piece.

This was why she wanted to run. He made her weak, and she couldn't be weak. She had erased that word from her dictionary a long time ago. And it would be easy to just walk away, but oh his eyes, his lips… his strong chest, his strong hand on her shoulder – a hand she so badly wanted to feel on her breast.

"Mer," he whispered, taking back from her head the scrub cup he had given her, releasing her honey hair. "Can I ask you something?"

"No, Derek, I won't go out with you," she replied with the last strength she had.

He chuckled. "You agreed to Webber's wedding"

"Technically is not a date," she protested.

"So, we can kiss but we can't date?".

She looked completely lost, and Derek decided it was the right moment: "I like kissing you. It was good. It's the best thing of Seattle, actually, kissing you regularly. Better than ferryboats, better than the Space Needle, better than a twenty-hours spinal tumor surgery"

"You're rambling," she smiled.

"Too much Greyness," he smiled. "When do I get to kiss you again?"

"Who's sexually harassing who, now?" she joked. She wanted to touch his hair. She wanted to kiss him, and hold him, and caress his hair. She wanted it so much her hands hurt. Instead, she walked away.

"Maybe after the party?" he asked behind her.

* * *

"McDreamy has the hots for Mer," Cristina declared, approaching Alex, Izzie, Amelia and George in the hall.

"Lucky little bitch!" Izzie exclaimed.

"Izzie, you're engaged!" Alex reminded her.

"Oh, yeah. Ok, don't tell Danny I said so"

"How do you know it?" asked George, pain clearly written on his face. He had always had a crush on Meredith.

"Try to guess?"

"Nurse Olivia was telling Nurse Debbie," Amelia guessed.

"And you know something, you bitch!" Alex exclaimed.

"I don't. Maybe the nurses know more than me. What were they saying?"

"That they scrubbed in together with a cheesy scrub cap and they flirted with each other. Your brother," and she pointed to Amelia "Even said something about five kids…".

Amelia laughed: that was totally Derek.

"Spill the beans!" Alex hissed.

"My lips are sealed," she said, as their pagers went off. Amelia thought it wasn't the last time she was going to hear about Meredith and Derek getting married, in that hospital, and she was right.


	5. Chapter 5

**Just this: I am so completely in love with bitchy, sexy Medusa!**

 **Oh, and I just wanted to write this: HAPPY GREYS' DAY! (No McDreamy, but at least I still have my Medusa… how sexy is Ellen with the short hair?!)**

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

 **My funny Valentine**

 _ **Don't you change one hair for me**_

 _ **Not if you care for me**_

 _ **Stay, little Valentine - stay**_

 _ **Each day is Valentine's day**_

What the hell is someone supposed to wear to attend a 25th year Anniversary party?

What the hell is someone supposed to wear to attend a 25th Anniversary party with the world's most famous neurosurgeon?

What the hell is someone supposed to wear to attend a 25th Anniversary party with the world's most famous neurosurgeon who happens to be, among other things, the man of your dreams, when you go on declaring you don't feel anything for him?

Meredith had actually spend an entire week trying to figure it out, and she wasn't sure she had success. Anyway, it was Sunday and Derek was even dreamier than usually, wearing elegant indigo pants and a white button-down shirt.

She hoped her outfit was decent, but judging by the way his eyes were worshipping her…

Meredith wore a strapless, pale pink knee – length dress, a big, multi-color necklace and nude high heel sandals. Her hair was up on her nape, but a few locks had managed to slip off and curl around her face, and she stood, hand in hand with Derek at the doors of the elegant room where the party was hosted.

There was pink and heart everywhere.

"It's Valentine Day?" Meredith asked Derek in a terrified whisper, and when she heard him chuckle and squeezing her hand, she remembered. Richard and Adele's anniversary. Of course it was freaking Valentine's Day.

"So, are we going to join our colleagues?" he asked smiling brightly, and Meredith couldn't help but smile back.

When they reached the table, she realized her mistake. They were going to still to a large table, and Meredith quickly scanned the couple chatting and eating.

"We're a little late, I told you your make up was fine," Derek whispered in her ear. But she wasn't listening.

 _Couples_.

Amelia and Owen Hunt finally together, sitting really close to each other.

Cristina and Preston Burke, Izzie and Denny Duquette, her fiancé, Alex with their intern Jo Wilson – who almost choked when she spotted Medusa.

Teddy Altman, the blonde, pretty Head of Cardio with her handsome husband Henry Burton, and Callie Torres, Head of Ortho, with her wife Arizona Robbins, Head of Pediatrics.

And she, Meredith, was holding hands with Derek Shepherd and _everyone_ saw them.

Oh, but who cares? She was determined to enjoy the night. They saw them together? They were allow to think whatever they wished!

"Hey," they greeted the table.

"Hey!" random voices answered. Meredith could see clearly the shocked expressions, more or less hidden.

"We're late," Derek explained.

"Yeah, my fault," Meredith came along, gladly accepting the chair he was offering.

"We should go and say hi to the Chief?" he asked low-voiced leaning to Meredith. She looked around and spotted the groom and the bride. "Nah, late. There will be time for it". She looked back to the table, realizing there was a really embarrassed silence.

"Spill," Meredith snorted. She looked at Jo: "Wilson, I'm going to be there all day long, so get used to it, please".

Derek, Callie and Cristina laughed slightly.

"Are you two together?" Teddy asked nonchalantly. Meredith liked her – not in that particular moment, of course, but generally yes: she was pretty, talented, and Cristina's friend. Maybe for these reasons, in that moment she liked the way she posed the question. Anyway, before she could formulate an answer, Amelia blurted out: "Who knows? My brother's been stalking her since I introduced them in L.A., but some day Meredith yells and walks away, some day they are totally making sweet eyes to each other"

"Thanks, Amy, now I totally look like a psycho," Meredith observed.

"That's why I like you," Derek answered truthfully and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, making everyone laugh.

* * *

The day had been amazing, so far.

Her friends seem used to her and Derek sort-of-together, the food was excellent, the music even better. Adele had made a comment about how "perfect for each other" they looked that had made Derek even more confident and Meredith totally embarrassed. She had danced with Alex, then with George and the Chief, while he had spent some time in the balcony sharing a cigar and some sport chatting with Owen Hunt and Henry Burton. He came back at the table hoping to have her for himself for the rest of the night, but Mer wasn't at the table.

"Where's Meredith?" he immediately asked Alex.

"Dance floor," he answered. Derek followed his gaze and a wave of pain, anger and jealousy travelled down his body.

Meredith was dancing with a blonde guy. She was dancing, and laughed, and she seemed pretty amused by whatever the bastard was saying.

"He came out of nowhere and asked her to dance," Alex explained.

"He didn't came out of nowhere, he said he had met Medusa – ahem, sorry – Mer… Dr. Grey at the interns' mixer," Wilson corrected. "I don't absolutely know how to call her"

"Ages ago," Amelia observed. "I do remember him. Finn something, he had spent the night drooling all over Mer's legs"

"Pretty much like he's doing right now," Arizona added.

Derek didn't need anything else: he raised and walked straight to the dance floor, reaching it exactly when the guy kissed Meredith's hand.

 _I'm going to kill him_.

"Derek!" Meredith exclaimed, stepping naturally out of the guy's hold and leaning to Derek. Her gesture, so natural and carefree, made him feel immediately better. He wrapped an arm around her waist, keeping her close. He kissed her forehead, just to fulfill the need to _feel_ her, and when she didn't object he suspected she was slightly drunk.

"I'm back," Derek said, half to Meredith and half to the guy, who was looking at him, completely confused. "Thanks for keeping my girl company," he added, this time looking threateningly the guy in the eyes. With that, he carried Meredith to another spot of the dance floor.

"You were really rude," she said wrapping her arms around his neck and swaying her hips to the music. She felt their bodies touch intimately – it wasn't just the dance, it was them, with their history, it was having feelings. It was craving the other's body in bed, at night, when alone and cold. But she didn't mind. It felt nice. Paradisiac, even.

"Do I have competition?" he asked, getting himself lost in her emerald eyes. Derek was shocked about how hard, deep and fast he was falling for Meredith Grey.

"Let me tell a secret," she said, and she seemed completely sober. "I declared I don't date… but if I will ever change my mind, it would be you".

Derek kissed her forehead for the second time that night. He closed his eyes, burying his nose in her lavender scented hair, listening to the song playing.

 _And you can tell everybody this is your song  
It may be quite simple but now that it's done  
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind  
that I put down in words  
how wonderful life is, while you're in the world._

"Do you want to have a drink?" he asked, his face still buried in her hair. She nodded, and holding hands and sharing smiles they headed back to the bar, when they spotted a figure, looking intently at them. Meredith gasped, while Derek took two more minutes to realize who the woman was.

Mid-fifty, blonde, green eyes – like Meredith's but way colder.

Of course. Ellis Grey.

"Mom," she said simply, gripping her hold to Derek's hand.

"Meredith," the other woman greeted, but no sign to wanting to hug or kiss the daughter. Derek was positive they hadn't seen each other since the medical conference. He didn't know why, it was just a strong feeling.

He felt Ellis' eyes on his, and he extended a hand: "Derek Shepherd. Nice to meet you"

"Derek runs Neurosurgery at Seattle Grace," Meredith explained, and Ellis looked disapprovingly to their intertwined hands. "And it's not the only field he runs, I see," she commented.

"Mother!"

"A chief, indeed. I can't say I am surprised, unfortunately. If there's one thing you have inherited from me, is the ambition"

"It was nice seeing you, mother," Meredith cut off as she – of course – ran away.

"Excuse me, doctor," Derek said politely, before going after Meredith.

He found her in the balcony, leaning all of her small weight to the banister.

"Mer," he whispered, posing a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"That was my mother," she said, sniffling. "Now do you get why I'm like this?".

The sun was setting down to the Seattle skyline, and Derek watched intently the Space Needle without really seeing it, choosing accurately what to say her.

"Please," she said again, her voice a feeble sound. "Don't believe her. You – I don't… I never…"

"Oh, sweetheart," he sighed, scooping her into his waiting arms. "Never," he said in her hair. "I would never believe her. _You_ don't have to believe her"

"You called me sweetheart," Meredith said in a childish voice, smiling a little.

"That's because you are. To me, you are".

Derek brushed her lips against hers. He didn't want to take advantage of her fragile status, he just couldn't help it. He needed her. He _wanted_ her, always, in every way. And he was starting to really understand her issues and her stocks, and that gave him hope – he was confident he would bring her to trust him, because he was sure she just needed to believe he won't ever leave her.

When he pulled back, Meredith, still eyes closed, kissed him again, gently pumping his lips, her hands gasping his shoulders.

"I'm here," he whispered on her mouth. He hugged her and ran his tongue on her bottom lip, until Meredith opened her honey cavern, giving him access.

They kissed, and kissed, and kissed – hands grasping shoulders and hips, smiling on the other's mouths.

"I'm here, I'll stay with you," Derek said over and over, and Meredith did really believe him.

"Happy Valentine's, Derek" she mumbled shyly.

"Happy Valentine's, Mer" he answered, happier than ever.

* * *

"Delayed example of human being! What are you doing?! I asked you a bloody test for patient 5673 an hour ago! An hour! Let it be you need to be two to do something I could do alone at the age of six – run! Stop swaying your little asses to the attendings and keep your eyes open! I don't care if you're tired, I am up since 48 hours and I even bring back a kidney from Boston! If I don't see that damn blood in thirty minutes, the next blood I see will be yours!".

Meredith was yelling to Leah Murphy and Stephanie Edwards in the middle of the hall, and Derek, who hadn't taken much seriously the story about Medusa and the interns, was speechless. She doesn't seem in a good mood. Not at all. Maybe it would be best to talk to her another time.

"What are you looking at?" she slapped at him.

Too late.

"Hey, Mer. I was stopping by to say hello," he explained, going closer.

"Hello," she muttered, her eyes fixed on her charts.

"Two steps forward and ten back..." he whispered.

"I don't need this McDreamy crap right now! Leave me alone!" she yelled again, when she saw a completely terrified Leah Murphy raising a trembling hand to attract her attention.

"What is it?"

"Dr… Mr… Mr. Hudson… I tried. I swear, when Stephanie… I –"

"Do you have some sort of speech deficiency?" she asked, perfectly calm and perfectly bitchy, and Derek, who still was witnessing the scene, felt torn between being disgusted by her perfidy or being amused by it (and even slightly turned on, but it was the normal Meredith consequence).

"He had trouble breathing"

"Damn! Let's go, page Altman immediately!".

* * *

 ** _Eight hours early_**

 _Meredith climbed down the car that had carried her from the airport to Boston Mass General and run to the Surgery floor. She need to do this nice and quick. A call had inform her the kidney was already took from the donor – she just need to take it, go back to the Seattle, and give her girl her new kidney. Meredith wasn't going to let her die. She felt particularly confident and relaxed, despite the adrenaline of the moment, and she suspected Derek had something to do with it. His words, "I'll stay with you," lingered on her ears like a lullaby. Maybe… just, maybe, she could give him a try._

 _When she reached the OR, anyway she realized the donor's surgeon was someone she didn't wished to see at all._

 _Doctor Ellis Grey._

" _It was about time, Meredith," Ellis slapped._

" _I'm sorry, mother," Meredith replied stressing the appellative. "I didn't drive the plane here, you know"_

" _I just hope this organ will arrive safely. You will be able to lose it somewhere and my patient will be dead in vain"_

" _I don't have time for this crap right now," Meredith said, grabbing the box. "I have to run back to Seattle"_

" _Oh, of course, so you could go on with your pathetic, little romance. He sure has perfect hair, a real Prince Charming"_

" _Leave me alone," Meredith whispered, feeling rather emotional about the whole Derek subject. She knew a word from her mother could destroy her little pink word and she wouldn't like to try it._

" _I raised you to be extraordinary. When you picked general I thought you were going to follow my step, I didn't realize you wanted to replicate my history even on personal level"_

" _What the hell are you talking about? Derek has nothing to do with you!"_

" _Do you really think you could have a nice, ordinary life? Yu are a rock-star, Meredith, just like me. And just like me, you are not made for love. You can't have love. If you let yourself live this pretty little novel you'll end up like me. Because you are like me! You can do well just in medicine – and I'm not even sure about it. You. Can't. Have. Love"._

 _Pretty much like when she was fourteen and she went to lock herself in her room, Meredith simply walked away, without giving Ellis a reply._

 _Was her mother right? Was she really unable to love? She imagined herself with Derek in ten years. Would they have a child? Would he leave them, would he do it? Was she really_ _be_ _like her mother? She needed to end everything with Derek. She needed to do it now, because she had just realized he had somehow managed to make her_ _fall_ _in love with him._

* * *

Derek found her crying her heart out in an on-call room, her hand curled up desperately to a Kleenex.

"Mer," he scooted immediately, closing the door.

"Go away," she said, not so convinced. And like she had imagined, he went to sit next to her.

"What happened?"

"Derek," she sobbed. "We need to stop whatever is going on between us"

"Mer, why?" he asked, feeling his heart breaking. She was so desperate – what had he done?

"Because I am – oh, God. I am falling for you, and I need you to end it now".

Derek held her close, his heart beating faster and he didn't know if it was joy or pain. She was telling him she reciprocated his feelings, but she wanted it to end.

"Mer, I am too". He held her chin, searching for her eyes. "I am falling for you, too. I already did. What is the problem? I'm here, Mer, we'll fix everything".

The heartfelt confession made her sob in his chest all over again. And then, she spilled it out. "I am like my mother. She says I'm repeating history. And this means I'll break your heart, and you'll leave me and our daughter when she will be five… I'll raise her telling her she's a waste of space and the planet and she'll never see you and she will grow up more damaged than me… oh my God," she was crying all over again, burying her face in her hands, feeling so alone, so worthless, so unloved and totally unable to make something good in her life. She thought in her confused mind state to Callie, Arizona and their daughter Sophia, to Amelia's smile whenever she saw Owen, to Teddy Altman's completely enamored gaze to her husband. She couldn't have anything like that, she couldn't, exactly when she realized she wanted it all with Derek. But it wasn't going to happen, because her parents didn't raise a healthy, balanced girl like Torres or Altman; they raised a loser. A distress.

Derek, on the other hand, felt totally smart because he had understand she was rambling about herself. So this was the problem – she was left alone, her whole life; everyone had always told her she wasn't good enough. And that terrible woman…

"Meredith," he said sweetly, cupping her face in his hands. She shouted her eyes. "Mer, don't cry – let me see your beautiful eyes…. Mer, she's wrong, you know? You are anything like that. She's cold, arid – and you're beautiful, kind, caring, and funny. I see the life in you – I see the light". She opened her eyes, looking at him incredulous. Maybe he had hope. "I just want to stay with you – don't you see? I wanna be here for you. And when we'll have a daughter, we'll tell her every night and every morning she's a freaking superhero, and she can do anything. We will tell her she's beautiful, and smart, and she can be everyone she wants. We'll bring her to the park, to do trick-or-treat on Halloween, in California for the summer, and the night of her second Christmas, after tucking her in, we'll make slow sweet love in front of the fireplace and we'll try to give her a little brother…"

Meredith was looking at him, completely speechless, completely thrilled, and completely terrified.

"You want to have children with me?" she whispered.

"Mer – I want everything with you. You captured my heart when I first saw you next to Amelia with your blue dress, I feel like I know you since… forever. It never happened before. I don't know where I will be in ten years, but I know there's something written for me and you. We were meant to run into each other. I want to discover it all, but I want to start nice and slowly, dating you, knowing you… healing you"

"Do you like lost causes?" she asked with half of a smile. She leaned closer and kissed the side of his neck. "I'm so tired of fighting you," she stated.

"Give me a try, Mer. Please – just a try. Beyond the fear, life is spectacular".

* * *

 **Who's ready for the 1** **st** **real date?!**

 **Let me here your voice, leave me a review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**I hope you'll enjoy chap 6 ;)**

 **I want to thank every single one of you for your sweet reviews... the girl who suggested to send Ellis in Africa made me laugh for a whole 15 minutes!**

* * *

 **Chapter sixth**

 _ **Stay**_

 _ **Not really sure how to feel about it  
something in the way you move  
makes me feel like I can't live without you  
it takes me all the way –  
I want you to stay**_

Meredith was strolling around the supermarket. Headphones over her messed honey hair, a song playing in her ears. She has been sent to do the grocery shopping first thing in the morning. Usually, it would have been Izzie's job, but she was completely freaking out with her own wedding plans, and Amelia had taken the weekend off to go somewhere with Owen. And Alex was practically living with Jo – the girl wasn't exactly terrified about dating someone who was her boss and lived with another boss of hers, who was her worst nightmare, too. So, she will have the house all to herself, until six-thirty, at least, time when her shift started.

Anyway, she was happy to have some free hours and a little bit of tranquility to work over her thoughts. She grabbed a random pack of biscuits, trying to avoid thinking about Derek. She had collapsed in his waiting arms like a scared child, and he had held her and calmed her with the sweetest attitude she had ever witnessed. Well, she hadn't seen so much sweetness in her life. Amelia was actually a sweet friend, when she was in a good mood, at least. Alex, too, had always offered hugs and comforting words. Cristina wasn't much of a sweet person, let alone her own parents. She didn't remember anything about Thatcher, besides maybe some breakfasts, and her mother had actually been sweet and warm like a piece of ice.

Richard Webber seemed pretty inclined to pampering her, if she would have allowed it; but between Meredith working in his surgical team and the scaring shadow of her mother, he rather acted like an old friend that some sort of paternal figure.

But Derek.

Derek Shepherd wasn't anything like that.

He was all sweetness around her. His words, his gestures, even the way he flirted with her. The way he held her told her she was the most important person in the world. The way he kissed her showed her how she was the only one.

She was so screwed up.

She had spent her life avoiding this kind of situation – being Ellis Grey's daughter and all. I mean, okay don't want to fall in love because it makes you vulnerable, but what about introducing your boyfriend to a mother who was more scary than the Devil himself? – and then this fantastic, attractive neurosurgeon from Manhattan had showed up and she had completely lost her mind for him.

And she was _almost_ ready to admit it, too.

Her cellphone tune woke her up from her daydreaming.

Speaking of the Devil…

"Hello?" she answered tentatively. In her confused state, after confronting her mother, she remembered she had kind of promised him she was willing to try to date. And she would bet he remembered it.

"Good morning, sexy lady," he greeted her with his smoothing voice.

Meredith felt a rush of warmth all over her body.

"Good morning to you too,"

 _Can you please try to_ _ **not**_ _make me come in the middle of a supermarket?_

"What are you doing?"

"Grocery shopping. Izzie is choosing between two identical shapes of pink for don't ask me which kind of stupid table stuff for her idiotic wedding and your sister has gone with Owen for a romantic trip, or some sort of similar crap. This means lonely grocery shopping and lunch for me".

Oh, crap. She didn't mean it like that.

"This is a pretty big issue. Your knight in shining armor will rescue you from the grocery and cook you a great, aphrodisiac lunch. How does this sound?"

"If you think you'll get lucky you're out of your mind," she snapped, trying not to focus on the effect the word _aphrodisiac_ had on her body. That man will be the death of her.

"I'll be lucky to see your pretty face," he replied.

"And now he goes all McDreamy on me… I'll wait for you at home, knight in shining… whatever".

* * *

When Derek ringed at her door, Meredith was merely pulling away her purchases. She was completely clueless about how to cook anything, and she wasn't sure she wanted him to know this little flaw of her. So, since he said _he_ wanted to cook her lunch, she didn't have to say she can't do it, right?

Meredith wasn't exactly sure what he thought about the topic. He had four sisters and probably a mother who was the exact opposite of hers, and Amelia could cook. Well, nothing like Izzie, who was capable of baking practically everything. Anyway, even if she had dated practically no one in her life, it had happened to have some guy who ran away as soon as he had discover Meredith wasn't exactly the domestic, wife-y kind of girl.

She opened the door and came back to the kitchen saying "hi" without even look at him.

She was freaking out.

"Hey, beautiful," Derek greeted, gulping. Apparently she was just wearing a sweater, reaching mid-tight. And nothing else.

Was she trying to kill him?

Had she realized she was practically naked?

Meredith turned around to look at him, and he caught something else. A pair of denim hot-pants. Extremely short. Extremely hot. _Oh my God_.

Meredith's gaze dropped, and with a wave of panic she spotted the bulge in his jeans.

Was she stupid? What was she thinking, let him find her with that non-existent piece of cloth on? He must think she was some kind of whore, making up excuses to draw him to her house, and making constant jokes, giving mixed signals… she hadn't realized how serious he was about this _thing_ , how attracted he was to her.

She went completely pale.

"Oh. I'm… I'm sorry". She ran to her room, pulled on a pair of jeans and came back downstairs, still barefoot, finding Derek in the same spot.

She had to solve this, she can't start anything, not even the lunch. She had promised him she would have _tried._

"I'm sorry," she stressed. "I didn't mean it like it looked. I came home from the market, jeans were bothering me, so I pulled the shorts on. I didn't have second meanings. And I'm acting like this because I'm scared, nothing because I'm some sort of slut who wants to make you lose your mind –"

"Meredith," he whispered, pulling her in his arms and hugging her. "I never thought it. Never. And I know you didn't mean anything with the story of the short". He leaned over to look into her eyes. "It's just that you are so incredibly hot and I had some trouble breathing". She blushed and hide her face in his neck.

"This is embarrassing"

"No, it's not". He cupped her chin. "Wanna start again? Hello, Meredith, I'm happy to eat with you".

She giggled. "Hello, McDreamy. I'm happy you'll cook for me, today". She mocked him a little but payed him back pecking him sweetly and quickly on the lips.

He was left stunned but was really good to act like anything: he didn't want for her to feel any pressure.

"So, what do you wanna eat? Pasta?"

Meredith nodded and climbed on the kitchen counter.

"Just tell me where the thing are, ok?"

"Do you want me to help you?"

She couldn't cook, but he was so adorable…

"No, no need".

Meredith discovered she wanted to be chatty, around him. "So, what are your impressions after these first weeks at Seattle Grace?".

Derek filled a bowl with water smiling at her. "Well, everyone is pretty nice. Not the best interns I've had, but anyway, there's a great amount of talent between the attendings"

"That's because we were the best interns," she declared.

Was she batting her eyelashes at him?

"I didn't have any doubt"

"Don't mock me!" she snapped. "Arizona Robbins said Alex is even better than she was! And we want to talk about Cristina? She kicks asses! And your sister is the best neurosurgeon I've ever seen in my life!"

"Thank you," he laughed.

Meredith blushed. In the impetus of defending her friends…

"Izzie Stevens seems good too, but I'm not sure she has the same genius I see in Yang or in you," he reasoned. "I know she's your friend-"

"It's fine," she replied. "But she's good. Maybe she seems normal to you because you are used to Addison Montgomery. She's like the Meryl Streep of OB/GYNs".

Feeling a rush of nostalgia, Derek smiled. "Addison is fantastic," and Meredith felt a wave of jealousy.

"Has something ever happened between the two of you?" she asked, and then added. "Sorry if it's too personal".

Derek abandoned the pasta and went to her, his waist between her knees. "No, almost nothing. I introduced her to Mark before I had the time to realize she was a woman". He laughed to himself. "And after that I've always thought about her as Mark's girl"

"She's gorgeous," Meredith breathed, more about his nearness than the memory of how gorgeous Addison actually was. "But I like that you are such a loyal person"

"I am. I could never do anything like that to Mark, and anyway, I spent all my life too interested in setting up my career, I didn't have time for girls. I've had a lot of adventures but I didn't see myself sharing my life with someone" _until now._

"How old are you?" she asked, their hands reaching for each other.

"Thirty-seven," he replied, his eyes never leaving hers. He wanted to kiss her.

"How old," she giggled.

They leaned toward each other, but the rumble of the water boiling and washing out of the pole was enough to broke them a part.

"It's almost ready," Derek informed her, smiling secretly at her frustrated expression.

Ten minutes later, they sat at the table, ready to eat. No one said anything, they seemed lost in their thought. Until Derek asked: "You know, when I kept on asking you to date me and you kept on saying no…"

"Yes," she breathed. Uncomfortable topic.

"At some point I thought you weren't interested"

"But you didn't give up because it was impossible that a girl didn't want you?" she asked, ready to prove him with a little bit of bitchyness. He laughed. "No, it's not that". And what he said made her completely melt. "I didn't give up because the way you looked at me made me thought it wasn't… _us_ , the problem. I wanted to be the one who stayed". He reached for her hand, and when he held it, Meredith looked at her plate, embarrassed and maybe even happy.

 _I wanted to be the one who stayed_.

She didn't ask for anything else.

She never would.

After some second of silence, Derek asked: "Mer, I don't wanna pressure you, I'm more than happy to just sit at this table for the rest of the day, but we kind of saying that to each other when you were crying and… Meredith, I felt something for you the first moment I laid eyes on you. I would really love to see where this will carry us… I don't know all the story of all the reasons yet, but I know you're scared, and I want to try to be here for you. Would you like to try to date?".

Meredith held his gaze for a minute.

She was scared to death. Could he be really this – this _Dreamy_? She didn't want to transform into some sort of girly, blonde thing melting under the blue of his gaze – some sort of Izzie, even if she did love her – but with him, if he was really what it seemed, she would like to… try. Try to be held. Try to reach her face to be kissed. Try to be happy to share the crappy cafeteria's coffee with him after a long shift. Try to curl up on the couch watching random movies and listen to the rain. Try to say I love you. Try to make love, and don't have quick, dirty sex like she'd done all her life long.

She wanted to try.

"Yes," she whispered. And smiled. "And stay at this table all the afternoon is definitely a no, for me. Would you like to move to the couch and watch some crappy TV-show or maybe a movie?".

He looked like a kid on Christmas morning. "Yes, let me just clean this…"

"No, let me do it," she stopped him accidentally caressing his wrist. "You've already cooked. And, anyway, it was amazing. Thank you". She leaned closer and kissed his cheek, putting immediately some distance between them when he made a move to embrace her at her waist.

She didn't want to get lost in heavy, passionate, tongue-y kisses or she will spread her legs for him in thirty seconds top. He had so much to offer, and for once in her life she wanted to have it all, not just being fucked against the kitchen wall. Well, _that_ too. But _later._

"You go to the living room and pick up a movie for us to watch".

Derek did so, and Meredith went to him in fifteen minutes. She found him on the couch with the remote of the DVD player in his right hand.

He looked so homey.

"The choice was between _Notting Hill_ , _Pretty woman_ and _You've got mail_. I chose the last, seemed like the best," he explained, putting the word _best_ between air quotes.

She sat up next to him curling her legs under her bottom and spreading a blanket over the both of them.

"They're Izzie's movies. I love her, but when she will finally be married, me and your sister will be definitely free from all of this girlish stuff".

Derek laughed softly.

It was raining, the rain fell sweetly on the glass of the windows.

"Can I hold you?" he asked softly.

 _I want to try to curl up on the couch watching random movies and listen to the rain._

She spotted closer and rested her head on his shoulder. He immediately wrapped his arm around her shoulders, bringing her as close as humanly possible.

They spent two hour like that, until Meredith fell asleep in his arms. It was a quarter past five and Meredith's shift started at six.

Should he wake her?

He looked at her and felt his heart melt in his chest. She was completely adorable, with her tiny little fist under her cheek, her freckled nose curling up along with her snoring. She did snore, and she had freckles. And he imagined he would wake up every morning with her in his arms, like that. Better if naked.

"Mer," he whispered, stroking her hair.

She blinked twice and opened her eyes, smiling widely when she saw him. "I fell asleep?" she asked with an adorable sleeping voice. Derek couldn't help but leaning over and kiss her on the lips. He was about to pull back immediately but when he felt her tongue asking for permission he scooped her in his arms kissing her senseless, like he always wanted to do. "Good morning, sunshine," he murmured on her mouth.

"It's almost night," she corrected, still kissing him. "Derek…"

"I want to make love to you," he confessed in the spur of the moment. He regretted saying it immediately, expecting her to tense in his arms, but Meredith kept on kissing him sensually. "But I have to go to work" she whispered, losing her hand in his curls.

He leaned back, searching for his eyes, and they shared a frustrated smile.

"Would you like to have dinner with me, tomorrow night?" he asked. "And not because I want to have se with you". When he saw her frowning, he laughed a little. "No, I mean, I do _want_ to have sex with you. I want it so much I can't breathe, I – okay, I messed this up".

Meredith giggled. "I got it, don't worry". She caressed his hair a little more, a pain in his stomach thinking she has to leave him to go to work. She did enjoy everything about the afternoon.

What had he done to her? Oh God.

"Was this our first date?" she asked him in a shyly voice.

"More like a… pleasant surprise. You know, calling you and deciding to meet. We can consider this our first date but it wasn't exactly the most romantic of the date"

"It was," she replied, still shy. "It's been perfect. Well, I don't have anything to compare this to, but I did like it a lot".

Derek held her close, and kissed the corner of her mouth, before asking: "It's the first time you're dating someone?" Meredith nodded, trying to resist the urge to hug him. "You're wasting me," she said impulsively, standing up.

"Why?" he asked, frowning.

 _God, please, tell me she isn't second guessing. Not right now, please._

"I've never felt this way before. If you hurt me, this time I'm not going to make it up". She started to walk to her room to get changed for her shift, but she stopped and without turning added. "Anyway, yes. I want have dinner with you, tomorrow. You have to show me how a real date works".

* * *

 **Get yourself ready for the next chapter… it's going to be EXPLOSIVE. ;)**

 **How did you like this crappy 1** **st** **date?! Let me know. Oh, and can you tell me who of you would be interested in an AU entirely Mer/Addie?!**


	7. Chapter 7

**I have a feeling you'll love this…  
biggest THANK YOU ever to my twinnie ****merder32** **, who betaed this too** **. It's so amazing to have someone who believes in you!**

 **Now, go grab a drink and enjoy some good MerDer sparkling ;)**

 **Hel**

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

 **Love me like you do**

 _ **Fading in, fading out  
on the edge of paradise  
every inch of your skin is a holy grail I've got to find -  
only you can set my heart on fire**_

"How's this?" Meredith asked performing a little pirouette in the middle of her living room.

Yes, she had lost her mind. It was official now.

She was wearing black leather pants, black pumps worthy of Carrie Bradshaw and a black strapless top, which looked more like a corset then a top. Blond honey curls loose on her shoulders and barely any make up on, except for red lipstick.

She looked intently at the faces of the people on the couch – Alex, Izzie, Amelia, Cristina and the poor Jo Wilson, day by day more willing to approach her life to Medusa's. George had disappeared in the exact moment Meredith had declared she needed an advice for her first date with Derek. He had always had a crush on her, and everyone knew it. It was probably for the best if he didn't see the candy he wanted to devour wrapped up in an exquisite paper… for another man.

"Yes! I love it!" Cristina exclaimed, but Meredith wasn't so convinced.

"We can do better, I think," Izzie suggested, diplomatic as always.

"Are you planning on slamming your pussy right on his face the minute you see him?" Alex asked, seriously.

"Alex!" Izzie yelled.

"Big brother! Big brother!" Amelia yelled even louder, pressing the palms of her hands on her ears. "I don't wanna hear it!"

"Well, that's a little whorish," Jo commented. "Can I say it speaking of my boss' outfit?"

"Jo, I'm not Medusa after work. I'm practically your future sister in law!" Meredith stressed, then she replied to Alex: "Well, no – Amelia, cover your ears – not right away, I mean. By the end of the night probably yes. It's too early? Oh my God, it's the first date – well, the second, if we count the lunch here, and I really really don't want to be my usual slutty self, I really want to make love to him so maybe the first date is too early and…"

"MEREDITH!" everybody shouted, silencing her.

"Stop with the ramble right now," Amelia imposed.

"And are you really talking of making love? Oh God, I swear I don't know you anymore," Cristina commented, opening her arms in a surrendering gesture. "Making love, seriously?!"

"Mer," Izzie said, sweetly, raising up from the couch. "Let's go change. Privately. You're falling in love, even if you're fighting it. You need to be prepared – but most of all, you don't need to listen to Cristina Yang!" and she flashed the Asian girl a killing gaze.

Izzie pushed Meredith upstairs, and when they reached Mer's bedroom, the taller blonde ordered: "Undress".

Meredith did so, raising both eyebrows when she saw Amelia slipping in the room and sitting legs – crossed on her bed.

"Mer, this is the underwear you're wearing?!" Izzie exclaimed, eyeing the simple, cottonish, black underwear. "How can he be hard with you wearing this shit?!". The Chehalis girl came out in all his glory, but Meredith immediately stopped her: "Amelia's here!"

"She's right," Amelia chuckled. "Plus, I can stand talking about sex. I mean, I'm a big girl"

"But he's your brother," Meredith observed.

"Yes, and we're talking about making love, not screwing like bunnies. There's a difference, you know"

"I'm trying to discover it," Meredith muttered, while Izzie emerged from her closet holding a pearl – white bra and thong. "Go put this on".

Meredith did as she was told, and when she came back, both girls whistled. "This is it!" Amelia exclaimed. "You look so good I might go lesbian!"

"Elegant but sexy – I approve!" Cristina's voice said.

Meredith turned abruptly to see Cristina and Jo against the threshold. She couldn't help but giggle. Was she feeling… happy?

"So, put those on," Izzie ordered, handing her a chosen outfit. Meredith dressed silently.

"This is it, sister!" Alex exclaimed, joining Cristina and Jo.

Meredith glanced to herself at the mirror: she was wearing creamy, nude stocking with a high – waist, mid – tight black skirt, a blue, loose blouse and a black jacket.

"You can keep the black pumps," Amelia suggested, coming back from her room and putting on her neck an elegant, gold necklace. "Maybe the lipstick can work, too".

The doorbell rang.

"It has to work, your Prince Charming is here!" Jo grinned, rushing down the stair to open the door. Meredith closed her eyes, breathing deeply.

"You can do it," Amelia whispered. She dropped a kiss on her forehead and went to greet her brother.

"One, two, three. Let's go," Meredith breathed and followed Amelia.

Derek was there, in the middle of her living room, politely chatting with Alex and the girls, an arm wrapped around Amy's shoulders. But when he heard her steps on the stairs, his arm dropped.

And, immediately, she felt everything.

She felt a feeling completely new – nothing she had ever experienced in her life could be compared. It was strong – so strong, so powerful, so immense it seemed almost exaggerated, almost impossible. Her chest was exploding, she didn't need anything more, in that moment, for living; no word in the English language could describe it.

"Hey," she breathed smiling so widely, she feared her cheeks could hurt.

"Mer," he smiled back at her, taking two steps toward her and not wasting a second but wrapping her immediately in his arms, burying his nose in her lavender scent. "You look ravishing"

"You do too," she admitted shamelessly, stepping back and admiring his long, toned legs in the dark jeans, the red shirt and the jacket.

"Let's go," he said, taking her hand. He couldn't wait to have her all to himself. He couldn't wait to kiss her again, to thrust his tongue in her sweet, honey cavern.

They said their hello, then walked hand in hand to his Porsche, both silent.

When he started the engine, they shared a secret, embarrassed and excited smile.

"Are you ready to show me what a real date is?" Meredith flirted.

"Are you ready to enjoy yourself like never before?" his light attempt to flirt back died when she took his hand in hers. It was the first time she did a sweet, spontaneous gesture and Derek felt his heart skip a beat.

"Are we taking the ferry?" she asked as their car approached the dock.

"Yes, do you want to go up and take a breath of fresh air?".

They reached the banister and Meredith inhaled deeply when she felt Derek's arms wrapped around her waist, bringing her little body as close as humanly possible to his. He trailed her hairline with tiny sweet kisses and she felt her throat dry.

"Nobody has ever kissed me with this sweetness" she confessed softly. She didn't like to talk about her past and she wasn't exactly willing to share this kind of thoughts – but if she was really willing to try, it was worth to attempt to search in him the confirmations she needed.

Derek held her stronger.

"You haven't met the right guy," he said matter–of–factly.

"I've never ever let anyone come so close," she corrected. "For me it was always the sex – just it. I'd allowed men to come close just to fuck. _This_ – kisses and sweet words under the moon – is not me"

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I don't think this is the case – I mean, you can be less romantic than me but when you share moments like this with someone you feel something for it's only natural to want to physically express your affection".

She remained silent, so Derek went on.

"I think you've been hurt – deeply and completely. By both of your parents, but it's your father you're angrier with. She sucks, but Ellis stayed with you. So you don't let men close to you because you think you might get hurt again"

"He has another family," she whispered, with the most devastated voice he had ever heard from her. "He left me and went somewhere… to build another family. He has two girls. And he never ever contacted me in almost twenty-five years. Not once".

She turned on her feet and Derek hugged her, an arm around her waist and the other hand buried in her hair.

"It's okay," he said softly. And he was really believing it. "I'm here, you've found me. I'm not gonna let you go". Meredith raised up her head and looked into his blue, sparkling eyes. She believed him. She did.

There was no turning back: Meredith Grey was deeply, totally, madly in love with Derek Shepherd.

The question is: will she ever be willing to admit it? To say out loud how she had failed in the one thing she had proposed herself – to never ever fall in love?

"We're here," he said softly, and they went back to pick up their car.

Their destination was a small, intimate Italian restaurant downtown. Amelia had informed him that Meredith ate almost everything – apart from Chinese food. He had spent hours online, reading tons of reviews about Italian restaurants, and this one seemed to be the best choice. And in fact, at soon as they stepped in, he felt like he was in Rome.

"Wow!" Meredith exclaimed excitedly, the sadness of her confession on the ferryboat apparently forgotten. The place was enchanting: red and white table-cloths, bright lights, every sight in double language. They sat down and a waitress lightened up some candles on their table.

"So, this is a real date," she observed, giving him a sweet, sexy smile. Derek felt all the blood in his body going straight to one place.

"Yes," he confirmed, searching for her hand. "And you are completely beautiful. Tonight and every morning I get to see you at work"

"Can I ask you something? How does it feel to leave everything behind and move all the way across the country?"

"You've done it yourself," he reminded her softly. "You grew up in Boston but moved here to do your internship"

"Yep. But I wasn't moving, I was running from my mother," she specified, and they laughed together. "You are an adult man and I was a girl. Leaving on the spur of the moment"

"There was nothing left in New York. Professionally, the Head of the Department is this big, old dinosaur and the Chief had no intentions of changing the situation any time soon. Mark and Addie were gone, Amelia was here. My mom is always taking trips to visit my other sisters and when Richard called me I felt like it was the right thing at the right moment. Plus, there was this blonde beauty I couldn't get out of my head…". He chuckled and Meredith smiled, even if she was terrified.

"What about your dad?" she asking, stealing some of his pasta carbonara with her fork.

"He died when we were young," he said curtly, and she immediately regretted asking. He had his skeletons in the closet too, apparently.

"You up for a game?" he asked, smiling brightly.

"Sure. It's a dirty game?" she asked, smirking sexily, gently caressing the palm of his hand with her thumb.

"Aren't you a vixen…" he commented, taking back his hand. She smiled, knowing they were sweetly flirting and playing with each other.

"So, tell me about this game"

"We basically ask each other five questions. About everything we want – just one rule: you don't get to ask me the same questions I ask you"

"Okay, I'm in. I'll get a kiss if I'll answer correctly?"

"Stop being a vixen!" he exclaimed, but buried his hand in the hair covering her neck, urging her to lean toward him. He met her face middle-way and kissed her plump lips repeatedly. "You'll always get kisses," he breathed on her mouth.

"Okay, I'll start," she said when they gained back control, nibbling with her lips on a piece of her steak like she would do to his mouth. "Mmh… Tell me… About your first time?"

"Only if I get to ask you the same! And you can pick up one or my question for me to answer?"

"Yes but now do tell!". Meredith relaxed against her chair, sipping her white wine.

"Okay, but it's pretty creepy – I was eighteen and her name was Rachel. We had a fling our senior year and I can assure you – I was completely clueless about what I was doing!".

Meredith laughed, completely amused by the image of a teenage Derek attempting sex for the first time… So different from the sex God she pictured in her mind every night, doing amazing things to her body – and her mind, too. How long until she would actually find out?

"I was a sophomore – I know, I'm a complete slut. His name was Pete something and he was completely clueless as well. It was… fast. Fast, and uncomfortable"

"I would rather if you won't call a slut the woman I'm dating," he said, totally serious, and Meredith smiled brightly. She would like to ask the second question but he kept on looking at her, deeply, meaningful.

"What is it?"

"I wish I was your first," he blurted out and immediately regretted it. He probably had managed to scare her away definitely, but it was true: he wished it was him, the first one to worship her body with his mouth, to softly thrusting into her softness whispering sweet nothings in her ear and help her reach a new whole level of ecstasy.

Meredith was frozen, her fork middle way between the plate and her mouth with the last piece of steak. So he really felt something for her. Something true, something deep.

"It would have been lovely to lose my virginity to someone who actually cared about me," she managed to tell him.

The smile he gave her was priceless.

"So, second question – the most amazing trip you've ever made?"

"Oh, this is easy. I remember two: the first time my dad brought me fishing in Maine, I was seven years old. I definitely wanna do that with my son, someday. And the second one had been with Mark and Addie after we finished Med-School. We went to Berlin, it was great. Just great"

"How did you meet Addison?"

"Randomly. I asked her for some notes, she sat next to me twice or three times and I lost some classes because of a bad flu. She was really nice so I offered to buy her coffee"

"And you weren't interested in her? Unbelievable". Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"This is question number four?" he asked, raising from his chair across her and slipping on the little bench she was sitting on. He had to be close to her. He had to breathe in the scent of her lavender conditioner.

"No, this is off-game"

"You are obsessed with Addie!" he said. "I might think _you_ would want to bang her"

"Why not?" she replied nonchalantly. "I mean, she's gorgeous"

"I don't know if I am more jealous or more turned on" he confessed, leaning in to leave a slop kiss on her neck.

"Okay, okay, question number four: how do you see yourself in ten years?"

"This is easy. With a great role in a big hospital, a great woman by my side, three or maybe four kids. A great house, maybe a dog".

She felt shivers on her back when he mentioned kids. She had never ever thought about maternity – I mean, who would ever want to have kids with Meredith Grey?

"Do you see a future with me?"

"Meredith…" he breathed, surprised by her question. "Yes…".

There was no need for other words: they leaned closer, their lips meeting for a sweet kiss full of passion and readiness to discover what the future was holding up for them. The loud noises of the restaurant disappeared as soon as Derek cupped her cheek with his hand.

* * *

"You never get you chance to ask those five questions," Meredith said. They were strolling in Elliott Bay, Meredith's head resting nicely on Derek's shoulder, his grip strong around her waist. It was a spot full of tourists but she didn't mind: strangely for Seattle, it wasn't too cold and neither was raining. She had even managed to change her high heels with a pair of flat boots she had hidden in her purse. Plus she wasn't exactly able to tell where her body would finish and his would start. They were pressed up together and she was completely happy – like never before, actually.

"You're right," he mumbled, not bothering to raise his mouth from her hair. Eventually, he had to, because he needed to concentrate on what he wanted to ask her.

"What did you think the first time you saw me?"

"Seriously? That you looked like a Greek god". He laughed softly and reached down to kiss her neck. "The same question goes to you, remember? You have to answer to this one too!"

They had stopped by the banister, their gazes lost in the water. It was really a beautiful night. Derek wrapped his arms around her waist once more, looking down into her emerald eyes.

"I thought you were the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and that you were the one for me"

"You truly are a dream… _McDreamy_ ". She linked her hands behind his neck, moving closer to gently bite his lower lip.

"Mer…" he moaned on her mouth, trying to remember that they were in a public place and he couldn't rip the blouse away from her torso. "You're trying to avoid answering my questions…".

Meredith leaned back a little to bite her own lips. She didn't want to seem like a slut, but – "I just want to be alone with you for a while," she confessed, her teeth still biting lightly her lip.

"Me too, Mer – let's go to my trailer"

"You live in a trailer?!" she asked laughing while they came back to the car.

* * *

"You do really live in a trailer!" Meredith exclaimed as soon as they approached his land.

"Yes, I thought that it was a good idea to buy this enormous land when I moved here. I could even decide to build here a house, sometime"

"It's a beautiful place," she agreed, but when they entered the small, intimate trailer, every attempt to make a decent conversation died in their throats.

This was _it._

Derek stepping really close, help her removing her coat and her jacket, and leaned down to gently kiss her neck and the line of her collarbone.

She sighed gently, reaching to unbutton his shirt, their lips searching each other for a long, deep kiss full of promises.

Meredith kicked off her boots and Derek immediately picked her up, getting harder and harder when her legs went around his waist.

She was pure poison.

They fell back on the bad, the soft mattress sinking under their weights. Derek's shirt was the first item to fly on the floor in the spur of passion, and Meredith's hands immediately traced his skin, discovering every inch of his body, her mouth following close. She wanted him to lose his mind – she wanted to pay back with physical pleasure the happiness he had brought in her life, even if she had spent every moment fighting it.

Meredith unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, but Derek gently stopped her, reassuring her with a gentle smile.

"You're wearing too many clothes, love," he said softly, and Meredith froze. It wasn't some silly nickname: he had called her _love_.

But the real question was: why was she scared, since she was on her way to admit that she was in love with him?

"Meredith…" he started, sensing her immediately far away.

"No, shh". She leaned down, kissing his mouth with everything she had, cupping his cheeks. "I'm here," she reassured him. She was really there, and she was in this relationship, exactly like him.

Derek removed her blouse, his mouth completely dry and his cock harder then ever when he discovered a toned stomach and full breasts – fuller than he had imagined – in a silk, pearl bra.

"Oh God, Mer," he breathed, showering her torso with kisses, licking her nipples through the bra. "You're perfect".

She moaned louder, her bony, elegant long fingers lost in his ebony curls. He teared down a cup of her bra with his teeth, the "Oh, Der," coming from her mouth the most sexy and beautiful sound he had ever heard.

"Skirt off now," she breathed when he gently bit on the side of her breast. "I want to wrap my legs around you".

Derek took his time: he ravished her perfect tit some more, than leaned up lo kiss her passionately. "I adore you," he whispered looking in her eyes, mind and body connected to this girl, lying topless on his bed.

Here, in the middle of the night, in a trailer in Seattle, Washington, with Meredith Grey finally almost naked on his bed, Derek felt happier than any other time in his life.

When he reached down to unzip his skin, both their pagers went off.

"No!" she groaned, hiding her face in his pillow. "No, no, no!"

"I can't believe it," he said, his mouth once again on the skin of the valley between her breasts.

"Don't wanna go," she pouted, sliding down to wrap her arms around his neck and rest her forehead against his neck.

"I know baby girl, I don't wanna go either". He kissed her cheeks and her lips once again. "Okay, listen: we go, we deal with this crap, then I'm gonna buy you breakfast and we'll come here and we'll make love all day long. How does this sound?"

Meredith drowned in his cerulean eyes. "Deal," she said softly, but she meant _I love you_.

* * *

 **Hold on your horses… We're not over yet! Keep ready for the next chapter: you'll see why this is rated M, and there will be something you might not expect!**

 **But for now… leave me a review! ;)**

 **The game of the five questions come from s** **colli20** **and their amazing DQMW fic "Memory of my heart", even if my questions were different.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for all the kind words you left me. I love you all! And thanks to Vero –** **merder32** **, I love you twinnie!**

 **We're approaching the heart of the story, here…**

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

 **I don't wanna miss a thing**

 _ **I don't wanna miss one smile  
I don't wanna miss one kiss  
I just want to be with you  
Right here with you, just like this  
I just want to hold you close  
feel your heart so close to mine  
and just stay here in this moment  
for all the rest of time**_

Meredith was curled up on a chair behind the nurses' desk in the hall. She was way beyond tired – even if she had enjoyed the night out with Derek, she had just finished a five hours surgery and she hadn't slept in almost forty-eight hours.

She just wanted a coffee and maybe some breakfast. And a bed. She was _craving_ for a bed.

She put her head down on her arms hoping to have some spare minutes to relax the sore muscles of her back.

"Mer?" a puzzled voice asked. Meredith raised her head and her tired, green pools met a cerulean gaze similar to another one she had grown to love.

"Hey, Amy," she greeted her friend and straightened her back. "I guess I look like crap"

"I bet my bro would find you gorgeous even now". She slipped on the desk. "So, tell me everything"

"We went for dinner. We talked. We strolled in Elliott Bay. We came back to his trailer – I mean, seriously? He does live in a trailer! – and then we were paged and we came back here. He still owes me"

"He still owes you what?" Amy asked.

"You don't wanna know. We were interrupted!" Meredith complained, resting her head on the table again. "I'm not gonna tell you more"

"I swear, it's me who doesn't wanna know more! But maybe you would prefer to stand up? He's coming here with coffee and the happiest face ever". With that, she left: she doesn't want to see her brother make googly eyes to Meredith first thing in the morning. It was barely eight, for Heaven's sake!

"Good morning, baby girl," Derek's voice whispered, as he took the exact spot Amelia had just left. He had changed from his scrubs and he was wearing yesterday night's outfit.

Meredith raised her head once more. "Hey, Der," she offered with a smile, melting inside at the sound of his _baby girl_. She had been rarely called pet names in her life.

He leaned toward her and pecked her lips softly.

"I would like to give you more than this," he whispered. "But…"

"But if we decide to go on with this thing, we have to talk about how much PDA we want to show here"

" _If we decide_?" Derek asked, dismayed. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing – I'm sorry, I'm tired and confused"

"When does your shift end?"

"I'm done," she explained. "I don't have the strength to raise up, go change and drive home". She rested her head again, but immediately felt Derek's hand on her shoulder.

"Come on". He helped her to stand up, as she managed to walk. "You just have to make it to my car". They went out in the pure morning air, a gentle drizzle caressing their faces. They walked across the parking lot and Meredith collapsed on the passenger seat of his car as soon as he opened it, without asking further questions. She was still in her scrubs, but when he started the engine she was already fast asleep.

Derek didn't have the heart to wake her up.

She was curled up against the windows, both her hands under her right cheek. How could she sleep in such an uncomfortable position? He sighed and got off his car. He picked her up, and closing the door of the car with a kick – damn, the brand new Porsche. He does indeed love the girl! – he carried her into his trailer straight to his bed.

Gently, trying not to disturb her, Derek removed her scrubs, admiring the sweet curves of her chest raising and falling at the rhythm of her breath, ignoring his erection. He wanted her, bad. He was dying to lose himself in her slick, soft warmth - but he wanted her well-being, first, and in that moment she needed to sleep. So he left her in just her panties and a tank top and covered her little body with his blanket. Then he undressed and went to take a shower – but he stop for a second at the door of the bathroom, gazing at Meredith one last time, her hair splattered on his pillow, the trailer filled with her light snores.

It was a beautiful day, indeed.

After a quick shower, he put on a pair of boxers and a t-shirt and came back to the bed, climbing in next to Meredith, breathing in her scent. When his head hit the pillow, he let out a sigh. His arm found the girl's waist and he scooped her body against his. When he sensed her head snuggling further into his chest, he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

* * *

Amelia was having a busy morning. Unlike Meredith and Derek, she had had a nice movie night with Owen, a couple of hours of making love, and eight uninterrupted hours of sleep. Heaven, actually. So she wasn't much bothered that she had to run from the pit to the OR, perform a craniotomy and do the post-ops. She was now sitting back in her brother's office – pros of being sister of the neuro god – doing the charts, when her iPhone rang in her lab coat's pocket. When she took it out, her eyes met a picture of herself with a stunning redhead.

"Addie!" she exclaimed, hitting the green button. "Hey!"

How happy she was to talk to her best friend. She had Mer in Seattle, and Mer was everything a girl could ask for a best friend, but Addison knew everything about her. She could guess what Amelia was thinking with just one look. Plus, Addison, Mark and Derek where her safe port.

"Hello hun! How are you? How are things in Seattle?" Addison's deep voice greeted her.

"Everything's fine, working my sexy ass off. Oh gosh, I miss you!"

"That's actually why I'm calling".

Amelia could almost see Addison smirk.

"Naomi's pregnancy is almost to its end, she asked me to call and see if the Shepherds can bring their sexy asses to Los Angeles in… let's say, a week or two? You can meet the baby, bring Nao and Sam some fancy gift but most of all we can spend a very needed quality time together"

"I'm in," Amelia said immediately. "I'm booking a flight tonight, let me just see it I have time off or if I need to go begging to the Chief. I really need to spend time with my best friends and a break from the Seattle weather would actually be nice". She gazed through the windows. It was raining again. Or maybe it just hadn't even stopped.

"Are you coming alone?" Addison asked, giggling. "You know, you can bring Owen"

"I – I don't know. We've been dating for a couple of months, do you think I can ask him? And do you and Mark have room for four people?"

"Four? You, Derek, and maybe Owen. That's three, Ames".

Amelia laughed out loud. "Do you think Derek would actually leave a room without his girlfriend?"

"Gir – wait! _What_?! Derek has a girlfriend?! Derek Shepherd, _a girlfriend_?!"

"Yes, he has just started dating Meredith Grey, do you remember her? My friend, the general surgeon?"

"The blondie, yes. I do remember. Derek is dating her? Oh gosh, you wait until I tell Mark! How is it going? I've tried calling your brother but he didn't pick up"

"Well, they're good, I think. Mer was a little scared at first – she had this terrible childhood so she was a little hesitant. Anyway, Derek is head over heels for her"

"I'm happy for him. He does deserve some happiness, is she nice?"

"She's great, really. You'll love her, if she agrees to come, anyway. She's… sort of scared of people. Do you want me to ask them?"

"Yes, it would be nice. Text me with your flight information. I'll see you soon, Ames".

* * *

Meredith opened her eyes slowly and at first she had a little trouble to figure out where she actually was. Then, she recognized Derek's trailer. His was the trailer, his were the sheets she was sleeping in… his was the body pressed up against her back. His was the scent fulfilling her lungs.

She waited a few seconds, waiting for her breath to start hyperventilate and her heart to go crazy, but none of that happened. She felt nice, warm, and relaxed. And everything thanks to the man sleeping right next to her, with his breath caressing her neck and his five-o-clock stubble scratching her shoulder.

The drizzle of the morning had turned into a proper rain and the music it made on the roof of the trailer was about to make her feel sleepy again.

But Meredith Grey didn't want to sleep. She wanted to make love to the gorgeous man who was actually sharing a bed with her.

Meredith turned back into his arms to study his handsome face. She caressed the curls on his forehead, and his grip around her waist tightened more. He hid his face against her neck, humming contently.

"This feels nice," Meredith whispered, not trusting her voice. She was amazed by how comfortable she had become with him in what felt like a very little amount of time. She had fought that feeling with all the strength she had, but now she cherished the simple sound of his breath against her ear. The question was: when was she going to hyperventilate again? She did know herself. It was way too simple. Could just a man break down a lifetime of impositions?

Apparently, _that_ man could.

"It is, indeed," he breathed back; his mouth began to draw trails of kisses on the top of her breasts as his hand cupped her butt-cheek.

Meredith moaned, her head lost in the pillow, her whole body ready to feel him, all of him. To make herself sure that he knew what she wanted, she reached out to gently grab his length through his boxers. Derek groaned. Meredith Grey was a vixen, exactly like he had always imagined.

"I thought you would beg me for breakfast," he said against her neck while his hand slowed her thong down her creamy legs.

"I'll beg soon, but not for food," she assured him. "For you to take me," she clarified. Her legs went around his waist, feeling his manhood hard on her tight, a delicious feeling running over every nerve of her body. She reached up and claimed his lips with hers.

Derek carefully removed her top, his breath caught in his throat. She was beautiful, she was extremely sexy, she was everything he had ever wanted in a woman. And while her lips had her way across his neck and chest, he felt terrified – terrified to lose her, terrified for that moment of perfect bliss to fall, terrified of being unable to satisfy her. The thought of being any less than very good in bed had never crossed his mind before, but with Meredith everything was different. Everything was more scaring. Everything was bigger.

They rolled over on the bed, until he easily find his spot between her legs, his face lost in the luscious skin of her breasts.

"Derek…" she moaned gently, stroking him one more time.

It was his clue to stop the exploration – they would have time for it. More time. He still had to make love to her for the first time and he already couldn't wait to have her again, and again, and always.

"Are you sure you want this, baby girl?" he asked her softly. He didn't want her to second guess their moment together. He wanted her to be there with him, entirely, mind and body.

Meredith nodded eagerly, feeling herself almost tearing up: nobody had ever asked her if she felt ready.

"Since the first moment I met you," she breather back, and Derek laughed softly, his mouth on her nipple, sending shivers to her back.

"You could have said something"

"I was too busy running from you", and she finished her sentence on his mouth, her arms wrapping tightly around his neck.

Gently, taking their time, Derek thrusted into her for the first time, stopping a little to give her the time to adjust to his size.

They both moaned uncontrollably.

"Oh Mer," Derek breathed in her ear. "You're so tight and sweet"

"It's been so long…" she confessed, lowering back her head, her thighs gripping around his hips. Having him inside of her was as amazing as having him in her life. "You feel fantastic…"

Derek mouth travelled from her nipple, to her mouth, back to her nipple, while he thrusted sweetly and softly into her and her hands were lost in his curls, her moans of pleasure fulfilling his ears.

"You too, baby girl," he breathed against her neck. "I want to make love to you forever".

As Meredith claimed his mouth as hers, Derek wished he could speed up the rhythm, to really bang her, but it wasn't the moment and he knew it. He needed to tell her with her body how much in love with her he was, and how much he cherished her presence in his bed and in his life.

He felt her vaginal walls squeezing around his member, and the "Oh Derek, yes, yes!" cried in ecstasy brought him immediately over the edge with her. He kissed her again, stroking her forehead, rolling next to her. As soon as he caught his breath, his arms gripped her by the hips bringing her small body to cuddle on his chest. He stroked her hair, silently.

It was Meredith who broke the silence, after some minutes. Her heart was full of love, and she had never ever felt so cherished before. She didn't know how to express how thankful she was, so she lifted her head, locking her emerald eyes with his, and asked: "How about some food and then maybe I can get to fuck you again?".

Keep the distance, hid how madly in love with him she was. Belittle how magic it was, to actually make love, and not to fuck. But she wanted to fuck, too. She wanted to have it all, with Derek. She was just unable to express it, verbally at least.

His body shifted a little, his eyes dark with hurt as she used the word _again_. He was more than okay to fuck her until she couldn't walk anymore, but it would be making love just the same. And before, he was indeed making love to her. Actually, he had had the feeling that she was, too.

"It was anything but fucking, for me, Meredith," he replied sternly. He got up, pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweater, and mumbled: "I'll be on the porch, grilling some steaks," and he left her alone.

Crap.

She had screwed up big time.

It was not like she wasn't aware of how it was making love, indeed. It was using that word right to his face. _Love_. She had to use it to explain the difference between how much she had enjoyed what they had done and how much she wanted to go rough and dirty between his loving arms.

 _You're weak, Meredith,_ Ellis' voice said in her head once again, but she dismissed it. She stood up, put on his t-shirt and went out. It was freezing, but who cared? She needed to know he didn't hate her. She needed to know he still wanted her.

Meredith leaned back against the door, looking at him cook their dinner. She was so worried she didn't even feel the winter air on her legs.

"Der?" she called softly.

He flashed her a gaze, somehow sweetly when he noticed she was almost naked.

"Mer, come back in, you will catch a cold"

"Don't you want me to leave?" she blurted out. "I know you hate me, right now, and you have every right to. It' just… I know what we were doing, Derek. I _know_ it. It's just difficult for me, to say it. Everything is so new, and…". She couldn't say anything more, because she immediately felt his lips on hers, silencing her. His hand found her hip, her hand rested on his chest.

"Go back in, baby girl. We'll have dinner soon".

When Derek came back into his trailer, carrying a plate full of steaks and some grilled zucchini, he found Meredith napping in a corner of his bed, her body curled up in a ball.

He set the table, then kneeling next to her. "Mer?" he whispered, stroking the hair back from her cheek. "Baby girl, dinner's ready".

Meredith opened her eyes and smiled at Derek. "Sorry, I fell asleep again. I can't believe we have to come back to the hospital".

He picked her up in his arms like he would do with one of his nieces and brought her to a chair at the table.

"I would rather stay here with you, but even working together is good," she added after some minutes of silence. "Oh, your cooking is so great! I can't even make an egg".

"No problems, I am more than willing to cook," he said smiling.

"Well, I have to think about a way to pay you back," she said with a voice full of expectations, as she raised, the dinner suddenly forgotten. She walked around the table, approaching his seat, resting a delicate hand on his shoulder.

He gulped.

She easily removed his jeans, then climbed on his lap, straddling him, their centers immediately made contact thought the material of their underwear.

He was already hard and waiting for her, his mind wild at the memories of her sweet, moist folds around him.

They mouths met in a passionate embrace, and Derek grabbed her boobs with his large palms, his thumbs immediately teasing her nipples. She moaned loudly and he enjoyed it – they were in the middle of nowhere, no one could actually hear them vocalize their lovemaking.

As soon as they removed their underwear, Meredith lowered herself on him, her folds embracing his manhood.

"Oh, God," he breathed, his mind and body lost in a place completely new. No woman had ever made him feel that way, before. No one.

He hugged her tightly, his hips following her in the steady rhythm she had picked, his thumb sneaking down to stroke her clit.

Her moans turned into actual cries of pleasure and he couldn't resist to ask her: "Do you like it, baby girl?"

"Yes, yes!" she cried, riding him faster, his arm strong around his waist. He wasn't going to let her fall. He wasn't going to let her go.

* * *

Meredith and Derek arrived at the surgical floor of Seattle Grace Hospital together; Derek had put an arm on Meredith's shoulders and he wasn't showing any intention of removing it soon, so Meredith had even dared to slip her own arm around his waist; anyway, when she realized different colleagues were watching them, she let the arm drop.

"Hey, lovebirds; we might all scrub in together, tonight: I need a general and a neuro consult," Teddy Altman informed them, passing by, and Meredith blushed furiously at the word _lovebirds._

"Let us change," Derek replied, perfectly relaxed with the situation. Meredith would have loved to complain, somehow, but she got distracted when she spotted Amelia walking toward them with an ecstatic smile on her face.

"Derbear! Meri!"

"Oh, God," Meredith breathed. "Has she gone crazy?"

"Hey, Amy," Derek replied with a sweet smile, wrapping once more his arm around Meredith. She shifted a little, uncomfortably.

"I need to ask you something, thanks God I found you. Addison called, Naomi is having her baby girl"

"Woah, that's great!" Derek exclaimed, then turned to Meredith: "Do you remember her? She and Sam, her husband, went to Columbia with Addie, Mark and I".

Meredith nodded.

"They want us to visit," Amelia announced. "You too, Mer. I told Addie Derbear wouldn't have left the room without you," and she grinned, as she was finding herself really funny, even if Meredith was more embarrassed than ever.

"It would be fun," Derek agreed, but seeing Meredith's face, he knew he needed a way to dismiss his sister. "Give us some time to figure out a plan, Amy, then I'll tell you how many seats you have to book on the plane".

He grabbed Meredith's arm and pushed her in an on-call room.

"Don't you like the idea?" he asked immediately. They need to find Teddy, so he had to go straight to the point.

"It's not that," Meredith tried to reply, but Derek's arms immediately found her hips.

"I would love to spend time with you… Introduce you to my friends…". His fingers caressed with desire the skin of her lower abdomen. "Bring you back to the city where we met…". His lips grazed her neck, and Meredith moaned softly.

"I can't say no when you do that…" she breathed, her head back, her throat dry with pleasure, her core soaking wet for him all over again. She wanted to grab him, but the door suddenly opened and Teddy exclaimed: "Would you leave the sex for later and come help me, please?"

Meredith and Derek groaned mutually.

"We'll have to continue later," he promised, kissing her lips, letting his tongue slide across her strawberry lips.

He was feeling happier than ever. He didn't know, luck was about to turn again.

* * *

 ***go hid** **e** *** I'm sorry! A tiny little cliff! Well, there will be a cliff but trust me… you're going to like it!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey, hey, hold on! I'm here, sorry, I just had university issues & spent days on Twitter hoping for Miss Pompeo to notice me. LOL. If someone wants to talk to me, follow ellenlovesellen!**

 **Anyway, here we are – are you ready?! Like usual, thanks to my Twinnie,** **merder32,** **for being my beta.**

 **Dear** **ForeverMerder** **, everytime I write "baby girl" my mind goes to your review where you tell me you don't like h** **im** **calling her like that. LOL!**

 **The last thing: if someone is interested in a good Dempeo fic, I'm co-writing "A thousand years" with merder32. You can find it on Wattpad, or just write to me or her on Twitter and we will be very happy to give you the link!**

* * *

 **Chapter nine**

 **Still got tonight**

 _ **If you're not home, I'll sit here on your doorstep,  
button up my coat and wait.  
We'll go upstairs, close the curtains and we'll be all set  
to pick up where we left **_

_**[…]**_

 _ **The stars collide,  
we come back to life, we come back to life,  
the sparks will fly  
one look in your eyes, my heart's open wide**_

Meredith had been stuck in surgery for hours with Derek and Teddy Altman, operating on a massive trauma involving abdomen, torso and brain. Meredith had Ross, Derek had Brooks and Teddy had Edwards. It couldn't be worse: Ross wanted to be stuck in neuro with Derek, so he wasn't actually paying attention to whatever Meredith was explaining to him about the liver and he kept on glancing at Derek. Which annoyed Meredith, a lot. Plus, not that she was supposed to think about it while she was elbow down in a patient's abdomen but she kept on stressing herself over Amelia's suggestion.

Was she really supposed to go to Los Angeles and meet half of the people who were actually… some sort of Derek's family? She didn't do families. She didn't do friends, either. Hell, she didn't do dating! If someone had told her eight months ago that she will be here, dating a colleague, and actually being in love with him… She would have thought that someone was insane and that they needed a very good shrink.

Instead, it was true. She was dating Derek, seriously dating Derek. Kind of a big deal for someone who had never been interested in dating, first of all. And she was in love with him. Completely, totally, madly in love with him. Her torso ached to be hugged by him, her lips craved for his. They had made love and she had touched the sky with one finger. Everything was amazing. Was she willing to tell him no, to stay in Seattle while he went to Los Angeles – the place where they had met! Okay, she was being too cheesy…- and had fun with his friends?

"Doctor Grey, is all this bleeding normal?"

"No, Ross, of course it's not," she snapped. "If you would pay attention to what I'm doing, instead on spying on doctor Shepherd like some sort of lovesick schoolgirl, you'd know. Aspirate, please."

"Medusa's on the game," Altman breathed to Derek, and he chuckled. She was, indeed.

"Ross, the clamp has to stay still," Meredith reminded him. "Your hand is shaking too much for someone who wants to go neuro. Right, Der?"

"Yes, of course," Derek agreed, his eyes not leaving the patient's brain. It was actually difficult for him, to realize that Medusa, the interns' worst nightmare, was the same sweet, sexy, adorable girl he had in his bed that morning.

Ross sneezed. The clamp fell. In a couple of second, the abdomen was full of blood and Meredith didn't know if she should at first aspirate or yell at him.

"Seriously?!" she shouted, quickly trying to control the bleeding. "You have to be fucking kidding me!". She pushed him away from the operating table with her elbow. "Are you an idiot, or what? Who sneezes while operating?!".

Seeing that the bleeding was returning to normal made her even more angry, and she shot again at the poor guy, who was watching her, speechless, gently waiting for Medusa's legendary fury to pass.

"Get out!" Meredith yelled, the adrenaline rush making her dizzy. "Get out, you, stupid human being! I swear I'm never ever gonna have an intern again!".

Fearing that Meredith would really kill Ross, Derek gently said: "Come on, Mer…"

"This is none of your business!" she snapped at her boyfriend. Or sort of a boyfriend, or boyfriend – thing.

"Baby girl, you're exaggerating…" he said again, and hearing him using in the O.R. the pet name she was getting used to hear in their intimate moment made her completely go mad.

"Ross," she said, almost gently, to the intern. "Can you please see your way out? I actually have to kick doctor Shepherd's ass!"

Ross went out immediately, and Meredith turned to Derek, who was about to complain about what she told Ross.

"Do not ever call me _baby girl_ again in _my_ O.R., or in _my_ hospital, or in front of _my_ interns!" she wasn't even yelling anymore. She wasn't pissed off, she was… wild.

Derek knew that reply wouldn't exactly be his smartest move, but he was starting to feel pissed himself. "I didn't know you own the hospital, Mer".

Sarcasm was exactly what he needed to make his situation worse, if possible.

"That's doctor Grey, to you!" she snapped again.

"Guys, please…" Teddy breathed, seeing Richard Webber watching the scene from the scrub room. Probably Ross had already spread the rumor that Grey and Shepherd were killing each other in O.R. 2.

Derek was sure he was going to never have sex with her again, but her pissed tone was really driving him nuts. So, trying to have one sort of a different reaction for her, he snapped: "Yes, exactly, doctor Grey. Because, from what I've heard, your attitude today was exactly like your mother's!".

Meredith had a scalpel in her hand, and for a moment, Altman really thought she was going to kill them both, along with every nurse in the room.

"You…" she breathed, her breath short, her face pale. Her eyes were moist with frustrated tears, and Derek knew how big he had screwed up.

"You…" she repeated, trying to formulate a decent sentence. "This – told by you… You, after – ". Her grip around the scalpel tightened. "I would really like to plant this in your throat, right now!". She threw the scalpel away, gesturing to Edwards to close up the patient. She stormed out from the O.R., exactly when Richard entered, asking what the hell was happening. "Nothing!" Meredith shouted and ran away.

"Oh crap," Derek hissed. "Brooke, please, close up. I need to find doctor Grey even if I'm not sure I will come back on both my legs".

He quickly scrubbed out, trying to think of where Meredith could be. What was he thinking, comparing her to her mother? After what she had told him? He was insane. He had to be insane.

Once in the hall, he was immediately stopped by his sister. "Der, what the crap happened in it? I heard a nurse telling another one that Grey and Shepherd broke up with each other?"

"Pray God that's not the case. I have to find her. I screwed up, Amy. I told her she's acting like her mother"

"Are you insane?!" Amelia yelled, pushing him toward the locker room. "I'm sure she's in it. Go and fix this, because I swear, if we lost her because you are a complete ass…".

Not that Derek was really interested in what Amy wanted to say, but anyway, he actually couldn't because she left, shaking her arms in frustration at the sides of her head.

"Oh, God," he breathed, opening gently the door of the locker room.

"Mer?" he called.

She was on her feet, leaning with both hands against the sink, her head down, the hair left free from her messy ponytail curling around her face. Derek couldn't see her eyes. He stepped in the room and called her name again.

"Leave me alone," she breathed, her voice clearly broken. She wanted to cry, he could tell. Derek wanted to take her in is arms, to repeat to her how sorry he was a hundred times and caress her hair but he was afraid she might cut his hands off, and well, he needed his hands.

"I was a jerk," he admitted, posing his hand on her shoulder, and as he expected, she shifted a little.

"Get out," she said again, less convinced. "I don't wanna see you. I don't wanna see you anymore"

"Mer, no," he pleaded, gripping both her shoulders and making her turn toward him. "Please, I was an ass, I was terrible, but please –"

"You-" she snapped. "I didn't want to have anything to do with you. But you chased me, you convinced me to give this a try, you said I could have trusted you. You said things, and I let myself believe". Tears were streaming down her face, Derek's heart broke in his chest. Had he really lost the trust she had in him with a stupid comment? He had wanted her for months. For months, he had been careful, gentle, trying to show her it was okay to let him in. And exactly when he thought she was ready, exactly when he dared hope he was about to have her…

"I can't trust you," she mumbled, avoiding his gaze, wrapping her arms around herself. "The comment you made… You used my number one issue to hurt me"

"I didn't want to hurt you," he breathed, reaching out for her hand. Meredith avoided his grip and hid her hand in the pocket of her lab coat. "I never want to hurt you," he added, looking deeply into her eyes. "Mer…"

"How can I do this again?" she raised her face, meeting his gaze, her own eyes moist with tears. "I wanted this so much, I was starting to really believe, and now…"

"No," he stated, interrupting her. He grabbed her by her hip, bringing her lithe body near his, ignoring how she tensed when he did so. "I made a mistake, I know. I screwed up big time but I can't lose you. I can't"

"I'm done," she breathed. "And trust me, it's better this way. We'll destroy each other, I am damaged goods"

"No, you aren't. And we're not". He moved one hand to her shoulder and the other one to her face, bringing up her chin so their eyes could meet again. "I love you", he confessed, looking deeply into her eyes, his thumbs gently stroking her skin.

Meredith froze, her eyes two pools of doubt and hurt.

"Oh, God," she whispered, feeling her knees turn into jelly. She had always known his feelings for her were deep. And she had realized how her own feelings were in fact love. If he had told her so that morning she would have probably told him how much she loved him, too, before kissing him and made love to him again, all day long.

Now, everything was different. She wanted to lose herself in his arms but she was mad, completely mad.

"I…" she tried to reply, but found herself unable of forming a decent phrase. "I'm mad at you," she blurted out at the end.

"I know, and you have every right," he assured. "But, please, give me another chance. Come to Los Angeles with us. I just want to show how I want you with me. I was an ass, I know it, but Mer, please…"

"I love you too," she whispered, ever so softly, immediately regretting saying it. She has to be stupid. Definitely stupid!

"Mer," he called, immediately reaching out to hold her in his arms. "I'm sorry," he said again, hoping it was enough to make it up to her. "I love you, baby girl," he said again, kissing her neck repeatedly. "I was an ass".

Meredith hid her face in his shirt, crying silently. She was absolutely clueless about how to exit from that situation. She took a step back, wiping her face with her hands. "I need space," she declared, happy that she was gaining back some composure. "I don't know if I'm going with you. I just need space". And she walked away, leaving him there, dumbfounded, wishing with everything he had that they could go back to when they were in bed, naked, in each other's arms.

* * *

Meredith's day couldn't go worse.

After the surgery, the fight with Derek and his confession, she had checked her cell phone and found a voicemail from her mother. Apparently – and for once in her life – Ellis meant no harm, briefly asking how her daughter was.

It was really a day worth being circled in red on the planner.

She had gone to the cafeteria hoping to find some tranquility and a cup of coffee, but she had been intercepted by Derek and his guilty eyes, handing her her ticket for the flight. He would wait for her at the airport, he had said.

So, here she was, sitting at a lonely table, the caf almost empty apart from a doctor from Dermatology who was occupying a table next to her, sipping at her coffee, the envelope with the ticket next to her, on the table. She opened it and found, along with the ticket, a card, with some words in Derek's handwriting.

 _Come with me. I need you. I love you. I want you. –D_

She quickly brushed off a tear with her thumb. The shortest sentences of the entire history of love cards, but yet, she wouldn't have wanted anything more. Derek knew exactly where to push her, he always had. Since that first afternoon in Los Angeles, when he had brought her coffee – the ass had insisted that she invited him for coffee and then he had insisted to pay.

Meredith loved him. She knew it for sure. She was so in this that she had found the courage to tell him, even after how he had hurt her. But how was she supposed to do this? How can she forget? She was fearing that every time she would look in his eyes, she will remember him comparing her to her mother. She wasn't Ellis. She wasn't anything like Ellis.

"I would like to sit with you, but I don't think you would like company," said a voice, and when she raised her head she found Richard Webber staring at her.

"Chief," she greeted weakly. "No, sit down, please".

He sat across her, holding her gaze. "What's the matter?" he asked after a couple of silent seconds.

"Nothing, I'm fine," she muttered, and Richard shook his head.

"You aren't expecting me to believe this, are you?".

She smiled but slightly.

"Okay. I had… a fight. With… with my – oh, God. With Derek"

"He's your boyfriend?"

"Until I dump him. Which will probably happen really soon. We had a fight and he basically said I'm like my mother"

"Oh, Meredith," Richard murmured, taking her hand in his. "Did he say he was sorry?"

"He said he was an ass. And… he said he loves me," she confessed, her gaze fixed on the envelope.

"And you love him, too"

"Yeah, I do," she nodded. "But… I can't. He hurt me. He'll do it again"

"Meredith…" Richard said gently, squeezing her hand. "I know how much you've suffered in your past. I know it, believe me. But you can't live your life kicking out of it everyone who does a mistake. I'm sure you're hurt, he didn't have any right to compare you to your mom, but Derek is a great guy, and he's completely in love with you. You need to let people in, because you wouldn't want to be alone. You deserve a man who takes care of you and you can't end your relationship with him just because he made one, stupid mistake."

Meredith sniffled and nodded. "Okay," she breathed. "I can try. Probably. I can probably try. I want to be with him, it's just… it's hard"

"You should go tell him. Tell him how you feel, tell him how much he hurt you and suggest to him what he can do to make it up to you"

"Okay," she breathed, standing on her feet and slipping the envelope in her pocket. "I can try". She took a few steps and she froze. She turned back and hugged Richard, gripping her arms around his waist, her cheek on his chest.

"Thank you," she murmured, as he held her tight, gently stroking her ponytail with one hand.

"You're welcome, sweetheart".

* * *

Derek took a generous sip of his beer, passing a hand over his face. He couldn't believe himself. He had spent years searching for the right girl, and when he had at last found her, she was full of doubt. It took them months to work past those doubts, and when she started to trust him… he screwed up.

But she had told him she loved him. He had said "I love you" and she had said she loved him back. So, what did everything mean? She had said they were done. And then she had said she loves him. And he was confused.

He was even more confused when her car parked next to his own and she climbed off, wearing jeans, boots, a black, loose shirt and a white coat, her hair up in a bun, leaving her face completely bare.

Derek felt a rush of love and lust running all over his body, the mere thought of losing this woman impossible to be accepted. Meredith was everything he had always dreamed of.

"Hey," he greeted, not sure if his voice will be working.

"Hey," she replied, no shades of feelings in her voice.

Derek shifted slightly on the deckchair, making room for her. She laid beside him, resting her head near his.

Neither of them spoke for a long time, until Derek worked up the courage to take her hand gently in his.

"I love you," he confessed sweetly, saying the words for the second time that day, his blue eyes drowning in hers.

"I love you too," she muttered, and avoided his gaze.

"I'm sorry," he said again, searching for her lips. He kissed her softly, working his mouth against hers, so soft and sweet his head went dizzy.

"I can't lose you," he said against her lips, bringing her body as close as humanly possible.

She nodded, her mouth still moving against his. Derek thought he might be killed for what he was about to do, but he needed to feel her, in every way. He snaked a hand under her shirt, gently rubbing her stomach. When he felt her breathing deeply he dared stroking her breasts, slipping a finger inside her bra to search for her nipple.

Meredith moaned, her leg circling his waist.

"Do you want to move inside?" he whispered, kissing her neck passionately, without realizing he was going to leave marks on her white skin.

She shook her head, her lips never leaving his, and reached out to the other chair to blindly grab a blanket. He quickly removed her coat and blouse and his pants, before covering them both with the blanket and climbing on top of her.

Meredith giggled breathlessly, her own hand unbuttoning her jeans.

"I'm still pissed at you," she told him, for a moment looking sternly in his eyes. "You hurt me, and I don't know why on Earth I'm spreading my legs for you again, after how you acted"

"You love me," he grinned, half trying to bring down the tension, half hoping.

She nodded. "I do".

Derek kissed her hard, struggling to free her heavenly legs from her jeans.

"I was an ass, I know it," he said a moment later, pausing to breathe deeply as Meredith sneaked a hand in his boxers, so she could stroke his erection. "I wasn't trying to hurt you, I swear".

He removed his boxers and thrusted into her moist channel, Meredith's head leaning back for the great pleasure.

"I won't ever speak to you like that again," he promised, bringing her tights upper, against his hips, keeping on thrusting into her.

Meredith laced her fingers behind his neck, her lips reaching up to search his. She opened her eyes suddenly.

"Der," she breathed, bringing up her hips to meet his thrusts, clearly demanding attention. He met her eyes, slowing down the rhythm a little.

"We're making love," she stated, her face illuminated by a sweet smile. She finally knew what it was like. She was finally making love. She had finally met her other half.

"We are, Mer," he assured her, biting gently on her nipple, his hot breath on her hard peak spreading waves of pleasure straight to her core.

Meredith Grey wasn't dark and twisty anymore. Thanks to Derek Shepherd.

Or so she thought, making love to the man she loved – and wasn't afraid to admit – under the stars.

* * *

 **I swear I won't let you wait this much anymore!**


	10. Chapter 10

**This is shorter... but I have a feeling you'll like it!**

* * *

 **Chapter 10**

 **Hold my hand**

 _ **I'm ready for this,  
there's no denying  
I'm ready for this,  
you stop me falling  
I'm ready for this,  
I need you all in  
I'm ready for this,  
so darling, hold my hand**_

Derek Shepherd was positive he had never seen Mark Sloan more in love with Addison Montgomery, before.

Apparently, Los Angeles suited them. Mark, with his arrogant attitude, his leather jacket and his golden skin was the perfect Los Angeles lover, and Addison, elegant and classic, could fit practically everywhere.

Right now, sitting on the porch of their house, a few steps from the ocean, Addison was cuddled against Mark's side, her expression completely happy, like she didn't have anything to worry about.

His sister was pretty content, too: even if at the last moment she had gave up asking Owen to join them, spread on the floor with a beer, she was grinning since they had left Seattle. Being there with Mark and Addie, sunglasses on her nose and a cute shirt on, she seemed like she was fifteen again. Maybe, Addison had been right: living under a constant sun was better.

Everything was making Derek even more miserable. Seeing his best friend so happy with the woman he loved, her sister so relaxed and carefree, made him aching for Meredith even more. She simply hadn't shown up. He had waited for her at the airport until the very last moment, Amelia glancing at him with a worried expression, telling him over and over how she didn't know anything.

Apparently, he had screwed up bigger than he had realized: he had been convinced that the talk, the _I love yous_ and the sex – the amazing, spectacular, mind-blowing sex – were enough. Probably not: she hadn't come, she wasn't answering her phone. And if she was texting Amelia, his sister hadn't mentioned anything.

Life was pretty ridiculous: he had chased her for months, at first in Los Angeles, then in Seattle, trying to make her go on a date with him. Sometimes he had even thought it was a lost cause. And then, it had happened. She was dating him, kissing him, telling him she loved him, having sex with him.

Maybe it was better to put the verbs in past tense.

Derek was completely clueless about what to do next: he could start to chase her again, begging her to forgive him, to give him another chance. But he had told her he loved her, he had told her how sorry he was, how he didn't want to hurt her, never ever again. He simply doesn't know what else he could say. Plus, he wasn't even sure he wanted to say more: he had done almost everything to show her they were worth it. At some point, if she wasn't willing to believe it…

No, this was bullshit. He loved her, he was pretty sure she was it for him. She was what he had always wanted. He couldn't let her go, just like that.

However, this whole Los Angeles thing was making him face an issue probably bigger than Meredith being back home. One of his ex-girlfriends, a nurse he had dated a couple of years ago, had come from San Francisco to visit Naomi. They were friends, and if he remembered correctly, it had been Naomi introducing Derek and Rose to each other. He was positive Addison still couldn't stand her the same, even after two years and a half, but Amelia had breathed to him in a stolen second of privacy how Addie had offered to her to come over for a coffee, since she had wanted so much to see Amelia again.

So there she was, Rose, sitting next to him, sipping on a coffee, her brown hair free on her shoulder, her face make up free. She was wearing grey jeans and a black top. Derek thought there had been a time when he had found her pretty and had thought having sex with her was good. He smirked now, thinking about it. Every girl was pale next to Meredith – Meredith who was gorgeous, and sexy, and passionate, with whom he had – or should he said had had? – the best sex in the world. He could never notice another woman. He could never want another woman. He would never find another woman beautiful, because English language doesn't have another word to describe his Meredith.

"Shep's mourning over his girlfriend," Mark commented, his arm around Addison's shoulder, who immediately murmured "Mark, leave him alone"

"Why? It's true!"

"I wasn't mocking you when you were obsessed with Addie and she didn't want to have anything to do with you," Derek remembered his friend, checking if he had a missed call from Meredith on his phone.

"That's very true," Amelia commented, choosing Derek's side over Mark's for probably the first time in her life. True was, she loved being with Mark and especially with Addison, but she found herself missing Meredith more than she could have ever imagined, maybe even because their friendship was born here. Plus, she was extremely worried for how things were going between Meredith and Derek: she had almost become completely used to the idea of them dating.

"Wait," Rose said, frowning. She turned to Derek: "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"A hot one, too," Mark commented, earning a punch on the arm from his wife. "What?!" he retorted. "It's true, but you're better, don't worry"

"What is she like?" Rose asked Derek, trying to slide near him.

"Petite, blonde, green eyes," Amelia explained. "She's a general surgeon at Seattle Grace and one of my closest friends". Amelia was in great terms with Rose, she always had been, but she didn't like how close to his brother the brunette was trying to slip.

"Why is she not here?" Rose asked, smirking knowingly.

Amelia flashed a glance to Addison, clearly as irritated as her.

"She is busy with an important research project," Addison replied, and Derek looked at her like she was stupid. "She might come, tonight or tomorrow".

Amelia smiled: Addison had always been the best at making up great excuses.

"When I was obsessed with you I didn't look like a chick like Shep does," Mark told Addison, moving the conversation to the previous subject.

"Tell me again why I chose to visit you," Derek groaned, but Mark couldn't reply because the bell-door rang.

"Coming right back," Addison said, standing from the deckchair she had been sharing with Mark and crossing the patio to come back in the house.

"This is probably Violet," Mark explained. "She's the shrink of our practice".

No one could hear anything, Addie had closed the French doors and Derek was sitting with his back towards the house and his face towards the sea. So, when Addison came back, announcing "Meredith is here!" he had trouble actually understanding the words. He heard the very well known voice of his girlfriend saying small _hello_ s and when he turned, he saw Meredith, embarrassed and a little blushing, standing next to Addison. She was wearing ripped jeans, black vans and a white t-shirt, her hair back in a bun, big sunglasses on and her tiny hand grasping desperately to a big, black handbag.

"Sorry, I missed the plane," she said, and Amelia immediately stood, going to give her a big bear hug. Meredith giggled, and Derek opened his mouth to say something, but he couldn't talk. When Amelia stepped back he ignored some sarcastic comment from Mark and went straight to Meredith, wrapping his arms around her waist and claiming her sweet mouth with his. He felt her relax in his embrace, her arms going around his neck, her breasts against his chest, her mouth responding to his.

This was perfection, no one else was there, just he and the woman he loved.

"I love you," he murmured against her lips, and she smiled and breathed: "I love you too, I'm sorry I'm late"

"You're here. I thought you had dumped me"

"Are they capable of talking without sucking each other faces?" Mark asked Amelia, and Meredith heard his comment, so she stepped back from Derek, laughing contently.

"I'm sorry I'm intruding," she said, her hands nervously playing with her bag. She registered the presence of a pretty girl sitting right next to Derek. "I just wanted to see Derek and Amelia and tell everyone I was accepting the invitation… even if I didn't until this morning… but I changed my mind and I wanted to be here. So, here. I'm here and – my point is I just wanted to say hi, I'm going to a hotel"

"She's rambling," Mark observed.

"She does that a lot," Derek nodded, a big idiotic grin on his face, his arm around Meredith's waist.

"You're not going anywhere," Addison told her, smiling gently. "We invited you because we wanted to know you better. And Derek has a room with a big king-sized bed and I'm sure he won't mind sharing"

"You know me well," Derek laughed, and Addison reached for Meredith: "Why don't we go put your stuff in Derek's room and maybe we'll let you have a shower and change?"

"I'm Rose," the girl pointed out, nodding to Meredith, probably not happy with the way everyone was ignoring her. "I'm a nurse in San Francisco, I was Derek's girlfriend a year ago"

"It was two and a half," Amelia underlined.

"Meredith Grey, general surgeon," Meredith offered back. She turned to Addison: "I would love to take that shower".

Meredith looked at Addison's sundress, her golden necklace, the perfect style of her amazing hair, the make up and the big wedding ring she was wearing. Since she had briefly met her, she had always thought Addison was gorgeous, but now she realized she didn't remember _how much_. Immediately, she felt ashamed of her jeans and her tee, and she prayed she had packed something better. This, united with the presence of that… _nurse_ was putting her in the wrong mood.

When they reached the room, Meredith was immediately surprised by how strong Derek's scent was, immediately invading her nostrils, and the amazing view of the sea they would have straight from the bed. She could actually picture them in a naked embrace, staring at the ocean after making love. It was enough to make her forget everything about the slutty nurse. Because if she was sitting so close to her boyfriend – her sexy, hot, amazing boyfriend – she had to be a slut. She just needed to take a shower to gain back her strength and then come back to pee on her territory.

"I'm sorry I'm intruding," she murmured, dropping her bag on her boyfriend's suitcase and turning to face Addison. "I know what you must be thinking, I'm new and you don't know me and probably Amelia had told you all about how I doubted dating Der at the beginning so you must be-"

"Wait, wait," Addison stopped her, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I get the rambling but you're saying nonsense. We don't think anything, we met before and we liked each other, remember?". She blinked jokingly at her: "I don't know about my husband but I'm pretty sure we liked each other"

"We did," Meredith confirmed giggling.

"So you don't have to worry about anything. I know I'm not a Meredith expert but the girl I saw at the conference was perfect for Derek. So just relax and enjoy yourself. Do you want to take a shower?"

Meredith nodded eagerly and Addison showed her the bathroom, leaving her alone.

"She's taking a shower," she announced coming out on the terrace, pleasantly noticing Derek's happy grin. "She's lovely," she announced sitting back on Mark's lap.

"Thanks," Derek grinned. "Do you think I should go check if she needs something?"

"I think you should wait till tonight to fuck her, Shep," Mark answered, totally ignoring Rose's presence.

"And maybe you would like to keep it down, my room is straight down the hall," Amelia suggested.

"It would probably be better sending them to a hotel," Addison pointed out, but she was grinning, and she was happy Derek had finally found the girl for him.

"I don't remember you being so low," Rose told him, playing innocent. "Quite the opposite".

Addison and Amelia shared a shocked glance: the slut had actually the courage to bring up their sex when Derek's girlfriend was upstairs?

"Well, because I'm different with Mer," Derek said, and Amelia, incapable of staying quiet anymore added: "And I really don't think you should compare your two-months' relationship to Mer's". She had always liked Rose, but not anymore, clearly.

"Why, how long have you two been dating?" Rose asked Derek. Every time someone put her on back in her place she turned to Derek and asked questions very sweetly.

Even Addison, who had been taught from her mother to always be the perfect hostess, was starting to consider kicking her out.

"I'm gonna marry her," Derek confirmed.

* * *

Meredith studied herself in the mirror for the billionth time.

She had chosen a short, tight nude skirt which showed off her legs perfectly and a white blazer with golden ballet flats. She had put on a light make up and braided her blonde locks on her side. She was pretty sure Derek had never seen her like that and she was glad about it. Definitely peeing on her territory.

She climbed down the stairs, feeling a messed up mix of sensations. There was need to be with Derek, and fear, and she was pissed at this gal showing up from God knew where, and… fear, mostly fear. And horniness, too. But with Derek around it was a normal thing.

"Hey, I'm back," she said in a small voice, stepping out on the porch.

Meredith Grey talking in a small voice because she was afraid that a slutty nurse would steal her man. Her mother would kill herself if she knew this.

He had moved everything just to be with her, just to have her dating him. So now he wasn't going to run away just because this doe-eyed girl had showed up, right?

She was a grown-up woman and she needed to pull her shit together and act like that.

"Hey," Derek said beaming and she grinned herself. Screw the doe-eyed, the man wanted her. She sat down between Derek and Rose, letting the girl almost fall.

"Come sit here," Amelia offered to Rose, trying to offer them more space and more privacy. Surprisingly, Rose stood and walked over to Amelia, but she immediately told Meredith: "So, Derek told me you two are getting married".

Meredith, who was sipping at the wine Addison had given her, almost suffocated. "What?!"

"He didn't say it," Amelia snapped. "She's just trying to give you shit. She's probably realizing just now what a great catch my brother is".

Amelia was mean when she needed to be, and Meredith wanted to grin: with Amy by her side, everything was easier.

"You're rude," Rose observed, her hands shaking slightly, first sign of nervousness.

"Just realistic," Amelia corrected, and Mark grinned.

"I'm sorry you didn't realize soon what a great catch he is," Meredith said, her green eyes pointing straight into Rose's brown ones, her arm around Derek's neck. "You're a little late. He's taken and you can be sure, his state is not going to change anytime soon"

"Grey's feisty," Mark commented, laying down on the deckchair, his hand lazily caressing Addison's hip.

Rose stood and grabbed her bag: "Okay, I'm going to go. It was nice seeing everyone again"

"I'm showing you your way out," Addison said faking some sweetness. Amelia and Mark waved, but Derek was too busy murmuring into Meredith's neck: "If you would have showed up while I was dating her I would have dumped her the second I saw you".

Meredith Grey was actually satisfied: she had apparently made a good job on peeing on her territory.

* * *

Meredith had been right: from the bed they had a great view of a whole, round moon lightening the gentle waves of the sea.

Not that they were actually watching: they had climbed upstairs two hours after dinner, Derek pushing her toward their door while she tried to politely say _good night_ and _I really did have a great time_ and other polite stuff. In the middle of the hall, seeing that she was too slow, he had decided to pick her up and run into the room. After so many months of chasing her, today he had discovered how much of a turn on it was to have Meredith love him like he loved her, and most of all show his ex-girlfriend which one was her place. So, he had pushed her against the door, bringing his mouth immediately on her collarbone, neck and chest, showering her skin with kisses. Now, they were actually on the bed, Derek on top of her, worshipping her body with kisses, biting and licking, whispering loving words.

"I love you," he said, gently biting the side of her breast, one hand massaging her clit.

Meredith thrusted her head back onto the pillow, grabbing the sheets with both hands, eyes closed and mouth slightly open.

"Derek…" she panted, bringing her legs around his waist. "I… love you… too"

"I'll never be tired of hearing these words coming from your mouth," he told her, smirking. He swirled his tongue around one nipple, kissing her neck to go to her mouth.

"Uhm," she breathed, hugging his neck to bring him to rest completely on top on her, her hips moving invitingly.

He switched them over, her breasts pushed against his chest, his arm holding her close around the waist as he pulled back her long hair with the free hand.

"Aren't you afraid of us anymore?" he asked her, gently caressing her soft skin.

"I'm terrified," she confessed, her green eyes never leaving his blue ones. "Between our argument at work and the slut of the afternoon… And the things I feel… really, really strong things I am definitely feeling".

He kissed her deeply.

"Leave the slut alone, my heart is taken since a morning I saw a blonde girl with a blue dress"

"Cheesy much, aren't you?" she teased, but her eyes were definitely sparkling.

"For what happened the other day at the hospital," he started, suddenly serious again "I want to say again how sorry I am. I should have never made that comment and I swear it's not happening again".

He kissed a path from her forehead to her chin and Meredith hummed contently in his arms. "You hurt me but what scares me the most is the need I have to be in your arms," she breathed, closing her eyes tightly as if she was ashamed of what she was confessing. "You know, I don't do this. I don't date, I've never had, I don't do families or friends actually so close to feel like families and I've always had sex, you are the first one I've ever made love to"

"I've had a few relationships," he confessed, still caressing her. "Not much, just a few, but if you put all of them together it's just a small part of what I feel for you. I know you'll probably freak out now, but I'm not going to ever want another woman again. I want things with you, big cheesy things"

"Like what?" she asked breathlessly.

"Like bringing you home for Christmas. Telling you to sleep and getting up to feed our first child. Waking you up in the middle of the night on our anniversary to make love to you. Marrying you during summer, maybe here in L.A. I love you, and you're not my first. I know this. But I'm sure you're gonna be my last one"

"Always McDreamy," she teased again, but kissed him, deeply, truly, madly. "I'm crazy in love with you," she murmured against his lips. "I want you to be the first and last guy to hear those words from my mouth, but I'm not sure I know how I'm supposed to do this. You have to teach me"

"I'll teach you," he promised, but sliding gently into her moist channel. "I'll teach you," he said again, already panting, the need he was feeling for her bigger than ever.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

 **Hold on, we're going home**

 _ **I got my eyes on you  
You're everything that I see  
I want your high love and emotion  
endlessly  
I can't get over you  
You left your mark on me  
I want your high love and emotion  
endlessly**_

So just hold on – we're going home

Even if he had known Meredith for some months now, Derek was pretty sure he was discovering the real her just there in Los Angeles. Probably because they had spent their time in Seattle running around each other, harassing and avoiding each other. Their relationship was a newborn, but now, together all day, he was starting to really get to know her.

"You have to teach me," she had whispered the night of her arrival, and since that he had spent every moment of the following ten days trying to get her comfortable with a relationship. What had left him slightly puzzled anyway, was how much he himself was enjoying… everything.

The next morning, as soon as he had opened his eyes, he had been extremely amazed on seeing a naked, warm, little body curled up against his chest, her blond locks tickling his chin, her legs tangled with his, her bony arms around his mid-section. Who could have told? Meredith Grey was indeed a cuddly person. Or at least she was a cuddly person with the man she loved, and it was everything Derek cared about. He held her tighter, slightly terrified that she would panic as soon as she woke up. She had never been in a relationship and he got every fear she had. But at the same time, he was getting more and more addicted to… her. Addicted to her. Simple as that. He was starting to know her scent and the curves of her body.

What he couldn't imagine was how many things about her he didn't know, yet.

She actually snored. She snored pretty loud and he wasn't sure how he had managed not to realize it the few times they had slept together at the trailer. Seattle seemed so far away right now, it seemed like their situation in their city had anything to do with the couple lying naked in a bed in Los Angeles.

When she stopped snoring he knew she was awake. He held his breath and tightened the grip around her waist, spreading kisses along her neck and shoulder.

She moaned and hid her face against his chest, angrily kicking the blanket with one of her feet.

"Good morning, Mer," he whispered against her skin.

"No," she replied and he laughed softly.

"How come, no?"

"Don't wanna up," she replied in a confused mess of sounds, trying to curl up even more against him. "'M sleeping," she insisted, sighing contently.

"It's almost ten," he explained softly, caressing her hip.

"Don't care."

"I think Addie's making pancakes."

Her eyes flashed open, Derek smiling immediately at the green eyes which always made his chest feel tighter.

"I'm hungry," she nodded, and Derek grinned: "I was sure you would be. Would you like to wish me a good morning, now?"

"Good morning," she giggled but rolled her eyes. She leaned over to kiss his lips and when he tried to deepen it she pouted: "Morning breath."

"Sorry," he breathed, and he was so lost in her eyes he probably hadn't even heard what she had said. "Want me to go brush my teeth?"

She shook her head and leaned over again, capturing his mouth with hers. She didn't care. She kissed him softly but deeply, her arms going around his neck as he held her at the waist.

"Mer…" he breathed softly, kissing her with even more passion as his hand found the sweet curve of her breast. "I love you."

"I love you too," she assured him, smiling a little. She was about to straddle him, when they were interrupted by a vigorous bang on the door.

Derek groaned, refusing to leave her lips, but they heard Amelia's voice: "Guys, good morning!"

Derek reached for a pair of slacks and threw a tee to Meredith, then yelled to Amelia: "Come in."

Amelia was grinning widely at the door, dressed in a pair of shorts and a tank top, barefoot, her hair up in a bun, her face free from make-up.

"You don't have pants on," she pointed to her friend.

"She didn't have a shirt on either until you knocked," Derek grinned, his arms still around Meredith, cuddling with her.

"Too much information," Amelia breathed, her mouth deforming to express her disgust. "I don't wanna think about my brother and my best friend doing… _that_ first thing in the morning."

"You already said that once," Meredith remembered giggling softly, her head resting on Derek's shoulder. She felt warm and safe and she was sure she had never felt this way before, anywhere, with anyone. She was pretty sure she would spend all her life being happy, if she would be able to keep this feeling.

"I'm sure you must be worried about Addie throwing a tantrum when she'll hear you call Mer your best friend," Derek commented, stroking Meredith's back. He never wanted to lose contact with her, like he was afraid she would freak out and disappear as soon as his hand would leave her skin.

"You're annoying," Amelia groaned. "Mer is the only one who actually can stand you."

"She better be," Derek grinned, his eyes finding hers as his thumb stroked her cheek.

"You make me feel like vomiting," Amelia declared. "Stop with the eye sex and come downstairs. Addie made pancakes and Mark brought donuts."

"They're a strange couple," Meredith giggled, getting out of bed and reaching for her pants.

"You are a strange couple!" Amelia laughed. "And you turn completely giggly around my brother. Cristina Yang would say you've gone soft."

"I am not," Meredith replied, straightening her back. "I'm not soft, take it back!"

"You are, you definitely are!" Amelia laughed softly, stepping back of the room.

"Am not!" Meredith retorted jumping off bed.

"Are too!" and Amelia ran downstairs.

"Are not!" Derek heard his girlfriend say as she threw on a pair of his boxers and ran after Amelia. He laughed, still amazed by her, his gaze looking around the room where her presence was ever so strong: she made a mess in every room she occupied, clearly, and even if he should hate it – he was kind of a freak – he loved the concrete proof of her being in his life, in his room, in his bed.

He ran downstairs greeted by the sight of Meredith, still in boxers and t-shirt, sitting on a chair on the porch, in front of her a plate full of pancakes, while she sipped coffee and grinned widely at something Mark was saying.

No one of his previous girlfriends had liked them, ever – they always thought Mark was a pervert, Amelia way too judgmental and Addison's stunning appearance usually scared them. But Meredith was none of that: she genuinely enjoyed Mark's jokes, she had a way with Amelia and he knew she had always been enamored with Addison. Suddenly, he thought of how great it would be to have her in his and Amelia's childhood home, playing with their nieces and nephews, meeting their other sisters and most of all, their mom. He was sure Kath, Nancy and Lizzie would love her. At least he hoped so, since he knew for sure he wanted to have Meredith Grey around for the rest of his life.

The only problem was how to ask her. Meredith was still fragile and unsure and the whole meeting the mom thing will probably freak her out, possibly even with how it went when he was _him_ , meeting her mom. Not that he cared about Ellis: he would just shake her for how he treated Meredith, but he was completely indifferent to how that woman will probably be his mother-in-law, someday. He just wished she could soften a little toward Meredith. She was such a great girl, so hardcore and talented, sweet and smart… and her mother was simply missing it all. It drove him nuts.

He went out on the porch and sat down next to Meredith, wishing good morning to everyone. Meredith just flushed him a smile and kept on eating.

"Your girlfriend eats like a horse, Shep," Mark stated, and Meredith gasped, her mouth full of pancakes.

"I know," Derek grinned, an arm going around Meredith's waist. "I keep on wondering how she manages to stay so tiny."

"You should know," Amelia muttered. "I spent another night up."

"Oh, Amy, sorry," Meredith breathed, her cheeks immediately on fire. Derek knew he would be as embarrassed, but he could just manage to grin, remembering that thing she had done with her legs…

"Look how he grins," Mark commented, gently touching Addison's arm to catch her attention. "Grey has skills."

"Mark, please!" Addison exclaimed, her hand hitting the back of his head.

"Can't say he's wrong," Derek smirked, and Meredith hit his arm: "Shut up, idiot! You're not supposed to give them hints about our sex life."

"No more of what you two do with your moans and your screams," Amelia added, gesturing to Addison to hand her the juice.

"Derek will keep it down, I promise," Meredith grinned.

"Meredith will too," Derek added, avoiding Meredith's hand, ready to make contact with his arm again.

"Feel free to keep the screwing," Mark said. "Having sex is just healthy."

"Not down the hall from my room when my boyfriend is in Seattle!" Amelia snapped.

"Big brother right here!"

"Oh, Der," Meredith breathed, gripping his hand. "Leave her alone. You know she has sex, she's an adult."

"Amelia and Meredith probably are the same age," Addison suggested.

"I'm one year older," Amelia groaned.

"Grey's Shep's girlfriend, Amy's our little sis," Mark groaned. "I don't know her boyfriend but I already don't like him."

"You shouldn't," Meredith told him, attaching her fourth pancake. "Owen is a great guy."

"He really is," Derek confirmed. "A great doctor, too. We're in good terms but our sis forbade me to mention their relationship at all. She lives in denial."

"I don't live in denial," Amelia hissed. "Mer, Addie, my brothers are two idiots, can we go watch some TV?"

They did so, leaving Derek and Mark to clean the kitchen, the porch and to talk. For the entire morning, every time Derek casually walked by the living room to go to the bathroom or so, he found them curled up on the big, blue leather sofas, laughing hard at some "chick show" Mark swear he would never watch. He practically kicked Addie out of the armchair around lunch time, swearing that he would rather divorce her than miss the baseball game. Addison, probably in a rare diplomatic moment, rolled her eyes and asked Amelia to help her in the kitchen. Derek looked at his girlfriend – he didn't really wanted to miss the game but he doubted she would like it. And from what she had told him, she avoided kitchen for dear life so he doubted either she would go chatting with the girl. But when he looked at her, starting to feel slightly frustrated, he saw her on the couch, her long legs folded under her butt, grinning at the screen.

"Can I have a beer, too, Sloan?" she asked sweetly, looking at Mark's bottle.

"Do you watch sport?" Mark retorted, puzzled, handing her his own beer.

"Yeah. I prefer basketball but baseball works, too."

Derek sat next to her, completely amazed, and she casually leaned back to rest her back against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing the skin of her shoulder the t-shirt didn't cover.

"Shep, please, can you wait five minutes to fuck her? We're having a conversation, here."

"You never, ever had a conversation with any of my girlfriend, before."

"That was before you brought home one with a brain."

"Speaking of girls with a brain – while you watch TV with mine, I'm gonna steal yours for something," Derek announced, kissing Meredith's head quickly. He made his way to the kitchen, where he found Addison and Amelia trying to fix something for lunch.

"I offer to cook if you give me an advice," he asked, grinning widely. No way these two would say no – they hated to cook.

"Anything," Addison assured, stepping back from the kitchen counter. "I hate cooking, I swear. I could live on take-away."

"So would Meredith," Amelia commented. "I swear, there isn't night at home where she wouldn't suggest to order in. Usually pizza."

"Speaking of Meredith," Addison said, sitting at the table and grabbing a bottle of wine. "I have the feeling she's going to be the subject of the conversation."

"Derbear can just speak about Mer," Amelia grinned.

"Thanks, Amy, how nice from you," Derek replied, rolling his eyes. "Anyway, yes, it's about her. I want to bring her home to meet mom."

"What?!" Addison and Amelia exclaimed together, Addison almost dropping on the floor the glass of wine. "You never bring girls home," Amelia pointed out.

"I probably never have been in love before Mer," he suggested. "This is serious, and definitely going somewhere. I – I think I wanna marry her."

"Oh gosh," Addison breathed. She knew Derek was in love with Meredith but they had been dating for what, a month?

"I always knew you would," Amelia grinned. "She's perfect for you."

"Meredith is a lovely girl," Addison commented. "But you've been dating her for a month."

"I knew when I met her in Los Angeles that she was the one. I'm sure of it, I'm done. I want to take her home, I want to introduce her to mom and the girls, and I'm considering asking her to move in with me."

"In the trailer?" Addison asked, raising an eyebrow. "Derek, you know I love you…"

"But?"

"But you don't actually have the conditions to ask her to move in. You live in a trailer."

"And I'll move out if she asks you to move in with us. Sorry, bro," Amelia smiled.

"I'll build a house. Now I know what I'm gonna do with that land. I want a house with her, and a dog, and… little Merediths running around."

"We lost him," Mark declared, entering the kitchen.

"Where's Mer?" Amelia asked.

"Down on the beach, on the phone – with her mom, I think."

"Meredith is talking to Ellis?" Derek frowned.

"That's her mom, Shep," Mark rolled his eyes, looking at his brother like he was insane.

Derek ran out of the kitchen, and Mark looked at his wife and his sister, puzzled: "He's being an idiot."

"More: he wants to asks her to move in," Addison explained. "Where, I wonder. He lives in a box… They would spend their days on top of each other."

"Considering last night's concert I think they would like it," Mark smirked.

* * *

" _Hello?"_

" _Meredith."_

" _Mother?"_

" _Hello."_

" _Uhm. Hello to you too. How are you?"_

" _Fine, thank you. I have a liver transplant in fifteen and I figured I'd say_ _hi_ _."_

" _Oh. It's ok."_

" _And you? Is everything going well?"_

" _Yes, yes. I'm in Los Angeles, I took a week off and I'm… I don't know, vacation time, I think. I don't do this often."_

" _Never ever done it."_

" _Oh – well…"_

" _Sorry, I swear I didn't meant to judge. Are you enjoying yourself?"_

" _Pretty much. It's nice and… Nice. Yeah."_

" _Are you with Derek?"_

" _Do you remember his name?"_

" _He's the most promising neurosurgeon of the country. I always remember good doctor's names,… Meri."_

" _Meri?"_

" _Yes. It's your name."_

" _I guess it is."_

" _So, Derek?"_

" _Yes, he's… he's here with me. We're with his sister, Mark Sloan and Addison Montgomery. They're practically his family."_

" _I met Dr. Montgomery at a conference, last year. She's a lovely lady and an excellent doctor, from what I've heard."_

" _She's amazing."_

" _Anyway, I called even to tell you Richard asked me over for a consult, the next week. I wanted to know if you would like to spend time together and, of course, scrub in with me."_

" _Time together. Scrub in with you."_

" _Yes, that's what I've said. What do you think? It's an intestine transplant. I always find it interesting. Richard said he couldn't do it, probably he's too busy being Chief. The other general, Dr. Bailey - I think that's her name, is too involved with her research project. I told Richard to ask you but he said you've never done one before."_

" _That's correct. Just liver and kidneys. I tried once, with Bailey – I was still doing my residency but when we opened up the organ was almost entirely necrotic and that was nothing we could have done."_

" _It's terrible."_

" _Yeah, it is."_

" _So? Do you want to do this with me? I would even love to properly being introduced to Derek."_

" _Uh. Okay. I think it could be arranged. And I'll clear my schedule for your transplant."_

"Our _transplant. Anyway, I have to scrub in, now. It was lovely talking to you. I'll call again."_

" _Good luck on your surgery – oh, well, you probably don't need luck."_

" _A little bit of luck is always useful. Have a nice day, Meri."_

" _You too… Mom."_

* * *

Calling to say hi. Asking about her life without pointing out how she was unfocused. Chatting pointlessly. Speaking well of her friends and especially of Derek. Asking to being introduced, to spend time together. Telling Richard to give her a surgery and then do it herself – she had never scrub in with her mother, she had always said Meredith would kill the patient without even cut. Calling her Meri.

Her mother had gone crazy.

Derek found her like that, sitting on the sand, her phone in her hand, looking at the ocean.

"Mer?" he asked softly, sitting next to her. She smiled at him and Derek took her in his arms.

"Are you ok?" he asked as she rested his head on his shoulder, her face hidden against his neck.

"Mmh. I think so. Except my mom is probably going to dying soon."

She told him quickly about the phone call – Derek had heard and witnessed enough to know how strange it was. But when Meredith stopped talking, she found herself more buried in his arms, while he laughed contently, kissing her face repeatedly.

Meredith thought it was a strange day, indeed. But for now, she just wanted to be happy.

* * *

They were going home – actually, really going home.

Back to Seattle, where life always seemed a little harder, to Meredith.

Everything felt bigger – her mom, her baggage. Even her work, as much as she loved it. Everything felt like a weight resting on her shoulders. Usually, thinking about a relaxing night with pizza, tequila and crappy TV-shows would have helped, but the guy sitting next to her, his hand laced with hers, had completely ruined her. Probably Amelia – sitting next to Derek, asleep – had been right: she had gone soft. And giggly. Around Derek, she seemed to always want to giggle.

Truth was, she was happy. Plain and simple. For the first time in her life, still with the need to go to therapy to deal with all the crap of her child, her avoiding tendencies and stuff, Meredith Grey was completely and totally happy. Nothing mattered anymore: not her friends, not the day off, neither being an amazing surgeon. She had become one of those women she had always hated – she had new dreams, now, and all her happiness depended on the guy sitting next to her.

She squeezed his hand, and when Derek looked to her, smiling, she simply blurted out: "We should get married."

* * *

 **You are free to die... :D I just wanna hear you screaming! ;)**

 **thanks to my lovely Vero for being the beta of this story 3**


	12. Chapter 12

**I know this chapter is way shorter than usual but I need to wrap it up quickly and nicely because you don't deserve to be left on the edge of the cliff more, and even because this is a sort of middle – season finale (I'm way softer and sweeter than Shonda) and then Derek and Meredith will follow a new, different path.**

 **Let me know what you thing and I promise I'll give you a longer update but for now, enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 12**

 **The Scientist**

 _ **Come up to meet you,  
tell you I'm sorry  
you don't know how lovely you are.**_

 _ **I have to find you,  
tell you I need you  
tell you I set you apart.**_

Avoiding.

Evitare. Vermijden. Éviter. Evitar.

This had been the number one rule in the Meredith Chronicles for the following twenty years. She had even considered quitting her job but that would have been slightly drastic so she just decided she had to avoid. And be quick. So work quickly, and possibly walk quickly – that was the most important element of the quick thing. She needed to walk quickly so she can easily avoid Derek and Amelia Shepherd. Shepherds were the harm of the millennium and she was practically just safe in the pit – until a neurological case came, and then she was screwed because in the best option she was going to face Amelia. And seriously, she can't stand the Shepherd blue eyes while her friend – her best friend – told her how she had misunderstood, because Derek was completely in love with her, and most of all, if she wanted to be mad at her brother, why did she have to avoid her, too? They lived in the same house, worked in the same hospital, they were friends and Amelia – so she swore – missed her like crazy. And Derek did too, according to Amy, obviously.

The point, in Meredith's opinion, was slightly different, or so she had tried to explain in her messed rambling. She wasn't avoiding specifically Amelia, but more likely the entire world, because she was afraid it knew and she felt like she had been caught naked in public or something like that. Because there was no way she could have misunderstood: she had asked her boyfriend to marry her and he hadn't replied. So Meredith wanted to die, or at least bury herself in her bed and eat ice-cream until she would explode. Because Derek apparently had moved seas and mountains to be with her, had chased her at the limits of stalking, had destroyed the walls she had built around herself but he didn't love her enough to marry her. Or to tell her no, at least.

* * *

Considering how drastically his love life had changed in a week made Derek chuckle. Or at least it would if he wasn't missing Meredith so much. It had been a week and he spent every awake moment trying to corner her somewhere and give her an explanation. Unfortunately, he knew she wasn't going to be happy with her explanation, exactly like Amelia. She had yelled at him all the way from Seattle-Tacoma to Meredith's house, where he had dropped his sister off and Izzie Stevens, who was there to pick up some of her stuff, had informed him that Meredith was in the bath tub and had told her not to let him in.

He hadn't seen her in a week and he missed her like crazy. The fact was really simple – he loved Meredith. He loved her completely, even more after their trip to Los Angeles, he was crazy about her, but considering how long it had took her to open up to their relationship, he really hadn't expect for her to suggest marriage after a month. Minus the fact that he had always imagined to pop the question himself, between candles and flowers, a romantic dinner and making love under the stars. Meredith would probably hate the flowers, blow off the candles and jump him right at the dinner table but anyway.

He wanted to marry her and he wanted her to know it. He was even thinking about bringing her home to meet the family! He would marry her the following morning. He just needed to have her listen to him, and that was the issue number one: it was impossible to find her. She was everywhere, because every time he turned around he saw her familiar honey hair, but as soon as he moved a step to her, she disappeared. Plus, every time he had a surgery involving somehow general, it was always Bailey who showed up. He was starting to get really frustrated.

It was Monday again, and Derek was studying the surgery board, trying to find out if she was operating, when he really thought luck had turned: Meredith appeared from around the corner, her beautiful, lithe body in the indigo scrubs, her hair hidden under the ferryboat scrub cap her had given her. She was apparently directed to the board, but when she saw him, she froze and panicked.

"Mer, love," he murmured, hoping that calling her like that would let her see how hardly he was trying and how she had misunderstood.

Her green eyes became two pools of fear and he wanted to kick himself for letting her feel this fear, again, because of him.

"Meredith, please," he tried again, holding out a hand for her. "I need to talk to you."

She took two steps back and ran away. "Meredith!" he called after her, now entirely frustrated, and he hungrily pulled his own scrub cap away, when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder.

"Is everything ok?" a kind voice asked, and Derek turned around, surprised – and embarrassed – to find Richard Webber next to him, a compassionate expression on his face.

Derek sighed and shook his head: "No – it's not."

"Do you want to take a coffee?"

He was pretty sure Meredith would kill him if she would ever find out about how he had opened his heart up to the Chief, but Derek found strangely nice to talk about Meredith to someone who knew her so well but wasn't one of the others annoying fellows.

To be honest, between Meredith's friends he liked just Alex Karev. He was nice and discreet, while Izzie was annoying and perky, he had caught O'Malley checking her up – he suspected he had a thing for her, for _his_ Meredith – and Yang was definitely not a nice person, minus the fact that he was entirely sure she didn't get Meredith at all. And Amelia was… well, she was Amelia.

Richard Webber was a nice change. He had known her when she was a child, apparently, and knew the story of her family. He couldn't tell how well he had known Meredith's mother but he had entirely clear why Meredith tended to have determined reactions, especially in the love field.

"She had been a scary person her own life," Richard explained while sipping at his coffee. "God knows I loved Ellis but she was always extremely hard with that little girl, and Thatcher never had the strength to give Meredith solid bases, at least not without Ellis' supervision. He was entirely enamored with his daughter, and him sure Ellis loves her more than anything but they hurt her too much."

Derek felt his heart squeeze at the thought of the terrible childhood the woman he loved has had.

"Now, Meredith loves you, and she thankfully tends to open up to you, at least a little. Telling you how you two should get married had probably been her way to realize how deep and strong your feelings for each other are. And when you stayed silent… she's probably convinced you don't love her enough. She thinks she's a failure, exactly like Ellis had always told her."

 _Richard, you're not helping._

"What should I do?" he asked, desperate. He wasn't ready to face the option of losing her. Losing her wasn't an option he had. He was sure he would never look at any woman without comparing her to Meredith. In his eyes, for his world, Meredith was perfect. She fit perfectly in his life and against his body and as cheesy as it sounded he would never stop loving her.

She was the love of his life.

"Corner her. Make her listen to you."

* * *

Apparently, having lunch alone in the locker room wasn't allowed anymore for Meredith Grey. She had scrubbed out her surgery twenty minutes ago, ready to come back to her I-wanna-avoid-the-world game, but Amelia had been right outside the OR, beautiful and scary, arms crossed against her chest. She had grabbed Meredith's arm and brought her straight to the caf to have lunch with her friends.

Meredith had slipped in the seat next to Alex, who had snorted immediately: "Don't sit next to me, Grey. I don't need ya to ask me to marry you."

Everybody laughed and Meredith threw a French fry at him, killing him with her gaze. "Thank you, Alex. I might need a new brother person since you're an asshole. And I didn't ask him to marry me! Well, I guess I did but he didn't… I don't want to…"

"Mer, calm down," said Cristina Yang, her expression clear about how she didn't care about anyone but herself. "He liked to screw you but you scared the shit out of him."

Meredith's eyes immediately filled up with tears, and she looked at her plate, hoping no one would notice her. But then she immediately felt Amelia's hand on her leg.

"Yang, you're a bitch and you definitely don't know my brother. He loves Meredith more than anything."

"Doesn't seem so," muttered George O'Malley. "I would have immediately said yes if you'd asked me, Mer."

"Oh, please Bambi," snorted Alex. "You're a loser and Grey's way too hot to even notice you're alive."

"Alex, this is not nice," Meredith commented but somehow he had managed to make her smile.

"Guys," said Izzie, her voice low and angry. "Leave Mer alone. And Amelia's right, Derek loves her, she just took him completely by surprise. You should let him explain, Mer,"she suggested, looking directly at Meredith.

"I just care about Ellis Grey coming to town," Cristina commented and Meredith felt a frozen chill down her back. She had completely forgot about her mother, involved in her rough moment with Derek. Or probably it was the end of their relationship? She had been avoiding him for a week now and she didn't know if they were still together. Anyway, between Derek and her mother she probably just needed to kill herself.

"Mer, if you wanna talk to McDreamy, he's coming over," Cristina added again, and Meredith's eyes looked up abruptly, just in time to see him walking to their table, entirely attractive. That man was perfect outside and inside, just the view of him made her all sweet and melty inside. She wanted to have him close to her, to go to sleep and wake up with him everyday of her life, and she never ever had wanted a man so much before in her life. He got her, as simple as that.

She stood up, still not ready to face him but at the same time she was very aware that there was something between them – always had been – and she just couldn't avoid it any longer.

"Hey," she whispered looking straight into his eyes and she could clearly see the tension leave his body.

"Mer, finally," he said. "I need to explain. You need to listen. Please."

"We can't have this conversation here," she stated, grabbing his hand and leading him to the nearest on call room.

When she closed the door behind them, she didn't have the time to say anything – Derek scooped her between his arms, holding her closely to his chest as his lips found hers, his tongue, hot and loving at the same, demanding entrance against her bottom lip.

"I need you," he confessed deliberately, one of his hands possessively caressing her hip. "Mer, I can't live without you," he added, but at that sentence Meredith froze. She pressed both hands against his chest, pulling back.

"You can't live without me but you don't want to live with me either," she analyzed.

"What? No! This is not true. There's nothing more I would love than live with you."

"That's exactly why I ask you to marry me and your reply is silence. You wanted me to commit, to be in this exactly like you are – and then, when I realize _how much_ I need you, how much _I want_ to give you everything, you… you don't reply. _You didn't reply_ and I've never felt worse in my entire life."

He took a step forward, trying to be closer to her. He took her hand and kissed her palm. "Mer, I love you. I swear I do. And I want you too – you just took me completely by surprise. Firstly because I would have never guessed you were ready, and then because it's supposed to be me, the one to pop the question. What would you tell your friends in ten years, that I never asked you to marry me?"

Meredith laughed loudly, the sound harsh and sarcastic. "Oh, please! Who do you think I am? This is bullshit! I don't care about anything except the fact that I thought you had healed me…"

She couldn't finish her sentence because his page went off against his hip.

"Apparently, the entire universe is against us," she snorted, her mind going straight to when they were interrupted in the same way while trying to have sex for the first time.

" _That_ 's bullshit," he whispered, before leaning in to kiss her briefly but passionately on the lips. "We're not done," he promised her before running away.

* * *

Both of them knew exactly what they needed to do.

"I need your help," Meredith declared, slamming her bag on the nurse's desk, where Amelia was scrabbling on some charts.

"I need your help," Derek declared, grabbing Izzie Stevens' arm ad she passed by.

* * *

 _I can't live the rest of my life wondering what he felt exactly for me,_ Meredith thought, deciding she needed to light up some more candles. It wasn't raining, at least for now, and she was entirely grateful for it – she didn't need the rain to blow off the path of candles she had built from the parking lot to the trailer.

She was waiting for Derek.

Meredith Grey had built a path of candles, brought take-away Italian dinner and dressed herself up. (She just hoped they'd make it to the dinner part.)

And she was waiting for Derek.

When she saw his Porsche pulling up next to her Jeep, her heart jumped in her chest. She dried her sweaty hands against the silky, blue skirt of her dress – the same dress she had had on the morning they met each other, in L.A.

"Hey," Derek breathed while his eyes devoured the candles, and especially her, standing embarrassed in front of the trailer. He took two steps forward her, his hand immediately going in the pocket of his jacket.

Meredith took a long, deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment, trying to gain the courage she needed. Her mother would probably die for a heart attack if she'd see what her daughter was about to do.

"Derek," she started, convinced that her voice would abandon her in five minutes top. She walked to him and took his hand.

"Derek, when you first came into my life I had this dress on and I was positive I didn't need you. You tried to make yourself a space in my life and I fought you with everything I had. When you showed up here I had spent four months dreaming of you, of us together, but anyway, it took me a while to realize what I wanted."

She breathed deeply, again, and she hope with everything she had to finish what she had to say without rambling, with Derek caressing her hand and devouring her with his gaze.

"You told me you wanted to ask me yourself, but I think you need to understand how much I love you and how much I'm in this. With you. I asked you once and I took you by surprise. I'm asking you again and I won't leave until you give me a reply". She turned back a little and found a black, little box in the tote bag she had threw on the chair.

She opened the box, revealing a ring - a pink gold plain band.

"You complete me. You healed me. You ruined me because I'll be yours for the rest of my life. Will you… Oh God, I'm doing it," she breathed and he laughed nervously. "Derek Shepherd, are you willing to take me, a rambling, damaged stubborn girl, as your wife?".

His gaze didn't leave hers for a second, while his hand went to his jacket and he offered her a black, velvety box.

"My God," Meredith moaned, and when Derek opened it and a sparkly, perfect engagement ring made his appearance she gasped.

"I wanted to ask you myself," he muttered, slipping the ring into her finger as she silently did the same with him. The pink gold was perfect with his skin, Amelia had been right.

"But I never imagined I would be so happy just to hear this from your mouth." He held her close by the waist, Meredith completely happy as she wrapped his arms around his neck, her sweet, green eyes going back and forth from Derek's face to her ring.

 _Their rings._

"You think you could answer me, now?" she asked softly, and Derek chuckled. "Yes," he breathed. "I'll marry you."

He took her mouth, possessively, sweetly, hotly, demanding. They kissed for a while and then Derek leaned back and muttered against her plump, moist lips: "And you, Meredith Medusa Grey, will you marry me?"

"Yes," she laughed slightly, kissing him again.


	13. Chapter 13

**I can't tell you enough how sorry I am that I made you wait two months for this update! Life got extremely crazy but now I think I might be able to update more frequently.**

 **(for those of you who follows my other stories, so, stay tuned: every one of them is gonna have a new update soon!)**

 **Plus, this has been a very difficult chapter to write, since it's on of the hardest, for Meredith. I hope you don't mind the lack of MerDer in this update but I think Meredith and Ellis deserved this. Or at least, Meredith did!**

 **Like usual, enjoy and review! ;)**

* * *

 **Chapter 13**

 **How we operate**

 _ **Please come here  
Come right on over  
And when we collide we'll see what gets left over**_

 _ **[...]**_

 _ **A little joy**_

 _ **A little sorrow  
And a little pride so we won't have to borrow**_

 _ **Wherever you lead, I'll follow**_

Meredith Grey stood in front of Seattle Grace Hospital, the place she has been working in for the previous ten years, and couldn't move herself to go in.

Derek had gone to park the car, and she was able to just stay there, her eyes scanning the front door over and over. Everything looked the same, exactly like it had always looked, but this day was different. This day was something Meredith wasn't sure she was prepared for.

Her mother was coming. Her mother, Ellis Grey, the living legend of medicine, was going to show up at her hospital and they were going to perform an intestine transplant together. In all those years of medical career, Meredith had never ever shared it with her mother. Ellis has always questioned her ability and her judgment, but now she had explicitly asked Richard Webber to let her have her daughter for the surgery. And when she had called, she had asked little informations and made small talks about Meredith's life, along with asking to officially meet her boyfriend. Except Derek was now her fiancè and Ellis had no idea.

Meredith was pretty sure she wasn't going to survive the day.

She was pretty sure her mommy dearest was hiding something behind her strange behaviour, plus Cristina was simply ecstatic at the idea of having Ellis in the same hospital. And then there was Derek, and everything was a mess. She was drowning in fear. The night before had especially been the classic icing on the cake.

* * *

 _For the first time in her life, Meredith Grey was fearless._

 _She felt totally and completely light while she thrusted her head back against the pillow and her legs circled Derek's waist, ready to accept and meet his fiancè's every thrust. Fiancè. Derek was her fiancè._

 _He thrusted a couple more times into her, bringing them both to their release, coming together._

 _The chemistry they had in bed always left them completely speechless. Derek rested his head against Meredith's breasts, kissing the round moun_ _ds_ _one more time. Meredith's hand immediately went in his curls, stroking his skull._

" _I love you," she whispered sweetly. She was still getting used to say those words, and the weirdest part was saying them in bed. Sex had always been sex, her entire life. But now, sex, with Derek, was so much more. It was dirty and loving all together._

" _I love you too, baby girl," he whispered back, using the pet name he reserved to their most private moment._

" _Which kind of wedding do you want?" she asked, but every muscle in her body tensed when she felt him rolling off of her._

" _Mer, speaking of the wedding…" he started, and Meredith felt the panic grab her throat like it had been a hand._

" _Are you having second thoughts?" she asked. She needed to know it now. Her happiness had lasted an entire week and it was entirely too much in the Meredith Chronicles._

" _Of course not," he smiled, running his fingers across the line of her spine. "I was just thinking we could have a sort of a long engagement," he explained. He was smiling sweetly and she was sure he meant those words as a reassurance, but the fear wasn't leaving her throat. A long engagement meant he didn't want to be engaged to her at all. Maybe Cristina was right? Maybe he just enjoyed fucking her…_

" _Mer," he breathed, gathering her in his arms. "Don't get scared. I love you. I wanna marry you. We're gonna get married, just not the next month."_

" _Why?" Meredith couldn't help but ask, surprised as usually at how Derek could bring out the little girl in her._

" _Because… We started kind of in a rush, with me trying to convince you to start dating and everything else. This time, I want us to take our time to discover each other deeply. I wanna bring you to New York, to meet my family. Would you like it?"_

" _Your family will hate me," Meredith pointed out. She breathed softly, squeezing her eyes shut. The dream was over: there was no way she was going to be accepted in a normal family, treated like a normal girl. She didn't know anything about normal, her life hadn't know_ _n_ _a single day of normalcy. She was nervous and she had that bad rambling habit… No way a normal family would consider her right for Derek. She just knew Amelia, and as much as they told her she was the craziest of the family, she was way more balanced than Meredith._

" _Why?" Derek asked, his face a picture about how really clueless he was about this. He_ _pulled himself up on_ _his elbow and his other hand went to stroke the skin of Meredith's stomach._

 _Meredith laughed slightly: "C'mon, I'm a mess."_

 _He leaned down to kiss her lips: "You're my mess, and you're going to be my messy wife. Trust me - everything is going to be fine."_

* * *

Except it wasn't true.

There was no way she would survive an inquisition from her mother and then a trip to New York. This was her punishment for thinking she would have a normal relationship with an amazing guy like Derek.

In that moment he showed up next to her, his arm immediately around her waist to bring her close. He kissed her temple and she unconsciously leaned against his shoulder.

"Nervous?" he asked softly.

"Very. And grateful Cristina's not here to unroll a red carpet to greet my mom."

Derek laughed and shifted Meredith slightly so he could really hug her.

"You know, I know it's not the moment, but I was thinking… Maybe we can see if the Chief is willing to give us a week off soon…"

 _I'm screwed._

"To go to New York?" she asked, her eyes bigger than ever.

"Yes," he confirmed, ducking his head down to kiss her on the lips again, while his hand played with a lock of her hair currently escaping from her messy bun.

"Is at least Amelia coming with us?"

"I think so," he nodded. "Don't worry," he kissed her forehead. "It will be amazing."

Meredith didn't have the heart to tell him how it wasn't going to be amazing at all, and anyway, she didn't have the time because someone apparently next to them cleared their throat - and Meredith had known that sound her entire life.

She turned over and sighed: "Hello, mom."

Indeed, Ellis Grey and Richard Webber were there, Ellis looking terrifying even in black slacks and a white button-down, her hair held back and a pair of glasses on her nose. She was holding a big carry-on bag from which stuck out a medical journal. Meredith almost took a step back when her mother smiled and came closer to kiss her on her cheek.

The last time Ellis had kissed Meredith, she had been three years old, probably.

"Hello, Meri. You look good," she greeted.

"It's love, indeed," Richard Webber grinned, speaking for the first time. "Aren't they an amazing couple, Ellis? Everyone says it."

"They are," Ellis confirmed, a nice smile Meredith hadn't ever seen playing on her face. Then, she spoke directly to Derek: "I don't think we've been properly introduced. I'm Ellis Grey, Meredith's mom."

Derek shook her hand eagerly. "Derek Shepherd, Meredith's fiancè, clearly," he smirked, but when he heard the other three gasp he knew he had let the forbidden word slip.

"Crap," Meredith muttered. "I would have told you during lunch, Mom, but apparently he had other plans," she explaining, rolling her eyes.

"It's fine," Ellis assured, even if her face suggested otherwise.

"I'm sorry," Derek breathed to Meredith, but Richard stole all the attention grinning how happy he was for the news.

Meredith sighed, thinking she wasn't going to manage for much longer, when her mother - God bless her, for once - asked: "Is everything ready for our surgery?"

"Yes," Meredith nodded, slipping into Dr. Grey mode. "I just texted my favorite resident to start prepping the patient. We just need to find you some scrubs and that's all."

"Perfect," Ellis grinned. "Gentleman, we'll see you later - my daughter and I have a life to save."

Derek had just the time to pose a quick kiss on Meredith's hand, Ellis was practically dragging her inside by her elbow.

"God help us," Derek breathed.

* * *

"So, you two are engaged," Ellis commented, looking closely to the scrubs Meredith had given her. "Those should fit," she nodded then.

"Yes," Meredith breathed. They had managed to walk past the aisle and to the surgical floor without meeting any groupies; Cristina had called Meredith's name from over her shoulders but Meredith had decided to pretend she didn't hear it. Now she was fearing her first - and very much needed, judging by her attitude - heart to heart with her mother.

"How did he propose?" Ellis asked, leaving Meredith stunned by her ability to make small talks. "I think every girl looks forward to this specific moment."

Meredith chose not to register the sarcastic tone.

"We - we proposed to each other," she said, deciding to omit the part where she had asked him and they had managed to somehow don't speak to each other for a week.

"Good," Ellis smiled. "I raised you to be a woman who isn't afraid to ask for what she wants, even if it's supposed to be done differently."

Meredith would have smiled, but she decided to snort at the word _raised._

"Don't you agree with me?" Ellis asked, raising her eyebrow.

"Oh, I do. I just don't agree with the fact that you raised me. I basically raised myself."

"I'm sorry?"

That was like gas on fire. All the angriness Meredith had felt exploded.

"Nothing to be sorry for. I raised myself, it's the truth. You were never home. You never had a nice word of gesture for me, you took everything you could from me, you spend all your life trying to make sure I didn't forget how I was a waste of space on the planet. So no, mother, you didn't raise me and I don't understand why you're here trying to pretend you care about my life when you haven't once since you gave birth to me!"

"We have a patient to operate," Ellis breathed and exited the room, Meredith sighing and following closely.

* * *

The transplant had gone perfectly, and despise all the anger she felt, Meredith now realized why students from every university choose to do their internship at Boston Mass to learn from Ellis Grey.

She had seen her mother with a scalpel before, obviously, but now, being a doctor who watched another doctor, was another thing. She knew what Ellis was doing and she has the skills to appreciate how she was doing it.

They scrubbed out together, and Meredith craved to tell her something, for being able to really talk to her, for the first time in her life. She opened her mouth to actually say something but her mother was faster: "I know, okay? I know that everything you are blaming me for is actually true. I know it. But everything I did, as terrible as it must have been for you, was done in order to protect _you_ , to help you become strong and independent and-"

Meredith interrupted her: "By never give me a kiss? By telling me I'm not supposed to have a normal, healthy relationship? I'm not strong, mom, I think I'm unlovable!"

Ellis sighed: "I know it. I know I failed. I'm trying to do better, even if - even if…"

Meredith had never seen her babbling in her entire life.

"Even if you are not a little girl anymore, I think you might still need you mother, because I know I still need my baby…"

Meredith gasped. "Why now?" She asked with a weak voice. No intern would have guessed that was Medusa's voice, usually so fierce and loud.

"I had a patient," Ellis breathed. "She was a little girl. Green, pale eyes, white skin, long gold hair… She has reminded me of you since the first moment. She had your smartness, along with your sweetness."

"What happened?"

"How many appendices have you removed, Meredith?"

"Hum… A million? Maybe more."

"Exactly. I don't know what happened. She had infection and died on my table. It was like losing you. I swear, for a second, I thought I had lost you, I thought she was you. Then I realized… How mistaken I was, and how not everything was lost. I know you hate me, Meri, but I am your mother and I want to have a spot in your life, even if a little one."

Meredith stayed like that, unable to speak. She had waited her entire adult life for those words, for something, _anything_ , to really prove her that, at the end of the day, her mother really loved her. She bite her lip and threw herself in her mother's arms.

Ellis, shocked by her gesture, held her closely to her chest, sighing deeply. "You are a beautiful woman, and an incredible surgeon. You _do_ have my genes!"

When she heard Meredith giggling against her scrub top, she faked a stern voice: "Okay, okay, stop with the hugging. I maybe have realized I suck, doesn't mean you get to act like a girl!"

Meredith leaned back. "I am a girl, mom," she pointed out. "In case you have missed it."

"I wasn't working _that much!"_

Half an hour later, when Derek spotted his fiancé in the cafeteria, sitting at a table with her mother and a cup of coffee - and they were drinking it, not throwing it to each other - he hardly recognized the girl he loved and, most of all, her mother. He had never seen Ellis smiling, but now, she was laughing, her hand gently posed on her daughter's forearm. He breathed deeply, holding back a smile: he loved bright and shiny Meredith, her laugh was his favorite sound, and he really hoped she and her mom had found an understandment. Could they really trust Ellis? Or she was going to hurt Meredith again?

* * *

 **What do you say? Is Ellis all healed?**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

 **Wildest dream**

 _ **Say you'll remember me**_

 _ **Standing in a nice dress,  
staring at the sunset babe**_

 _ **Red lips and rosy cheeks**_

 _ **Say you'll see me again even if  
it's just in your wildest dreams**_

Derek ducked his head down and captured his fiancè's lips, his hand firm on her hip. He sucked on her lower lip, the feeling of the sweet tongue sending chills down his back.

They were in the middle of the hospital; he had headed to the nurses' desk to grab a chart and she was there, in her dark blue scrubs, her slim waist and ass deliciously hidden. Her hair was braided on the side of her face and he hadn't seen her in two days.

"Hey," he had said sweetly, circling her waist with an arm; he knew she hated PDA, especially at the hospital, but he couldn't help but touch her. And when she had exclaimed: "Derek!" raising her face, the kiss had been automatic. Tongues had followed lips, and Derek was about to ask his fiancé if she wanted to spend a little time in an on-call room, when the voice of Dr. Webber, passing by, had interrupted: "Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Grey, please!"

Alex Karev, following closely, commented: "I would like to still have my best friend when you are done, Shepherd."

"This is why I hate PDA, especially here," Meredith commented, looking Derek in his eyes and making a funnily annoyed face. Derek kept on stroking the back of her neck, despite everyone trying to keep them apart.

"It's your fault," he whispered. "Doing big surgeries and staying here to monitor the patients… I was feeling alone last night." He leaned to kiss her again, but Meredith leaned her face down, flashing a sharp gaze at him.

"News from you mom?" he asked, trying to stay close to her without sexually harassing her.

"No. I mean, she called me two days ago when she landed in Boston and I got a text from her last night where she said she was sorry that she hadn't called but she had been busy with a surgery. I don't know if I was more shocked about discovering she can use text messages or about her apologizing."

Derek grinned and kissed her forehead. "This makes me so happy."

"What? My mother using text messages?"

"No, about her making up to you. You deserve a loving family."

"I'm not sure if my mother coming to her senses after thirty years of my life consists as family."

"You have her and me," he explained. "And Amelia, and Cristina. And I'm pretty sure I heard Karev referring at you as his sister."

"That's because he's my brother." She grinned, internally happy.

"You have people," he stated. "And soon, you'll have more. You'll have my family."

Meredith's smile immediately became a fake one, but thankfully, Derek didn't seem to notice. New York and his family were a subject she didn't want to discuss in the middle of the hospital after not seeing each other for two days. Okay, it was a subject she didn't want to discuss, period. Things between her and Derek were great, and even her mother had made a shocking appearance. She didn't want to worry about when she would meet Mrs. Shepherd, who was going to tell her golden boy that Meredith was anything but the right girl for him. She really wanted to wait before having to worry about _that_ , too.

Lunch with Ellis had been… great. It was a strange adjective, referred to Ellis, but it was the most appropriate. Her mother had informed her that Richard Webber was going to join them, and even if at first Meredith hadn't liked it, Richard had been really helpful: he had told Ellis nice stories about the two of them (thankfully, more on the personal side), and Ellis had even laughed once or twice. Derek had asked his future mother-in-law random information about her staff in Boston, trying to stay on her good side. Ellis had politely answered, even making nice comments - about the food, the hospital, Meredith's hair. It had been slightly random - her mother had _never_ said anything nice about her hair. And then, she had grabbed Meredith' hand and told Derek she really liked the ring.

Meredith was completely positive her mother had gone nuts.

"Do you want to go to the caf? I can buy us lunch," Derek offered, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her closer, even if they still were in the middle of the hallway.

"Yes." She nodded. "Plans for tonight?" she asked while they went to the cafeteria.

"Everything that involves you naked," he whispered in her ear.

They spotted a table already occupied by Meredith's friends, and they joined them, slipping in two empty seats between Amelia and Alex. Quickly, Meredith stole one fry from Alex's plate.

"Oh, Mer, please. Go steal things from your fiancé's plate." Alex groaned.

"Brother trumps fiancé," Meredith stated, munching satisfied on the fry.

"Oh, really?" Derek kissed her neck and whispered in her ear: "We've spent more time apart than I thought if you're sure of this."

"Oh, please, McDreamy." Cristina rolled her eyes, clearly disgusted. "I want to finish my lunch without puking. I have surgery this afternoon."

"Like everybody," laughed Meredith.

"Derek is so in love with her." Izzie sighed. "I can't wait for your wedding!"

"Do you really expect us to get married before you?" Meredith asked jokingly. "You've been planning it for a year!"

"Barbie, Mer, please. This lunch is difficult enough with McDreamy sucking necks." Cristina groaned again.

"Speaking of the wedding, any decisions, yet?" asked Amelia, causing George - silent until that moment - to stand up and walk away.

"George!" Meredith exclaimed, turning on the chair to look at him. He walked out of the cafeteria without turning.

"He doesn't accept that you'll never feel for him what he feels for you." Izzie sighed.

"Oh, George." Meredith sighed. She was feeling guilty. She rationally knew it wasn't her fault, but she still did. George was one of her closest friends, they had been supporting each other since the interns' mixer, years before. They had done everything together - internship, specialty, even living together for a while. She just wished he didn't feel what he was feeling.

Derek's voice interrupted her thoughts: "I have to go. Have a nice afternoon." He leaned to kiss Meredith's lips quickly but passionately. "See you tonight, okay?" When she nodded, he added: "Don't be sad. I love you."

"I love you, too," she replied weakly, even if Cristina mimicked a vomiting sound.

"It's not your fault, Mer," Amelia commented, sneaking an arm around her shoulder. "Don't think it is."

"I know, I know, Ames."

"Are you happy with my brother?"

"Your brother is the best thing that happened to me," she replied.

"Focus on this, George is gonna be okay."

"She's right, Mer," Izzie said, squeezing Meredith's hand. "Everything is gonna be ok."

* * *

Derek quickly jogged behind George O'Malley.

He was willing to put himself in the guy's shoes - loving Meredith and not being loved in return - but it wasn't the first time he caused a scene like that, and he knew Meredith felt bad about it. She didn't said it out loud - typical Meredith - but he knew she did.

Strangely, George stopped and turned to him: "What do you want?"

"Listen," Derek began, thrusting his fingers in his dark curls. "I can imagine how you feel, but every time you react like that she feels like crap."

"Why do you care?" George laughed harshly.

"Why do I care?" Derek asked back, dumbfounded. "Cm'on, I'm marrying her! Of course I care."

"Oh, please. You just want her because she's beautiful. You don't want to marry her, when she asked you freaked out!"

"Listen," Derek said, rolling his eyes and trying to not lose his patience. "I don't think I have to explain this to you. I love her, and she's happy, and she makes me happy. If you feel something for her…"

"Don't talk about my feelings for her," he snapped. "You don't know me, and you don't know her. You came here and destroyed our balance…"

"Dr. O'Malley," Derek hissed, now seriously pissed. "If I don't have to talk about what you feel for her, please don't talk about what we have. I tried to have an adult conversation, but I have to realise it's not possible. Just, please, don't cause my _fianc_ _ée_ unnecessary pain." Derek said, stressing the word fiancée on purpose, marking his territory.

And with that, he walked away.

* * *

That night, Meredith felt comfortable and protected, lying in Derek's arms, in Derek's bed, in Derek's trailer.

She was laying on top of him, one arm supporting her by the elbow, the other hand stroking his curls. They were naked, obviously. They had made love hard and fast against the trailer's door, and now, they were on the bed, sated and calm.

"George doesn't talk to me anymore," she whispered against his neck. "I know it's not my fault even if I can't help but feel bad."

"I know," he said, stroking her back from her neck to her bottom.

"I didn't even know he felt like that!"

"Would it have changed the situation?" Derek asked softly, this time twisting his fingers in her honey hair.

"Of course not. George is… George. I mean, he's kind and loyal and… gentle. But cm'on, it would be like having sex with Alex!"

"Meredith," Derek clinged. "Can you please not talk about having sex with other men while you're naked on top of me?"

She laughed softly. "Sorry. Anyway, I never wanted a relationship."

"Oh, yes. You and your not dating vow…"

"Until you destroyed it," she breathed on his lips, and kissed him with everything she had, long, deep, wet and passionate. He flipped them over, so he was on top.

Derek wasn't one to waste time: he knew the break was over, Meredith wanted more, and he did as well. His mouth left hers to pay attention to a nipple, while his other hand stroked her breast. He loved her breasts.

Meredith was not only smart, badass, sweet and beautiful. She was also passionate, sensual and extremely adventurous when it came to sex.

He didn't need to check if she was ready. Breathing a delicious: "Derek…" she wrapped her legs around his waist. After a moment, she thought differently and moved her legs on his shoulder. She was wonderful at making him do what she wanted and Derek had no choice but to take her and losing himself in her sweetness.

Time later, lying again in each other arms, Meredith whispered: "I love when we're here. This trailer in the middle of nothing is like… a haven. I've never felt so safe in my life."

It was rare of her to open her heart like this. Even after everything, she was still afraid of being exposed in front of him.

Derek squeezed her close against him and whispered in her ear: "So stay here all your life and forget everything else. Move into the trailer with me."


	15. Chapter 15

**So – this is it. My first try without a beta. They told me it was time, LOL. Anyway, if I make a mess out of this, tell me and I'll run back to my betas! Anyway, judging from the title… BABY, WE'RE IN NEW YORK! First chapter of out pair at Mom's. Enjoy!**

 **Oh, and… I'm sure you know but Falling is slowly coming to its end. A couple more chapters, I think.**

 **Review please!**

 **E.**

* * *

 **Chapter 15**

 **Empire**

 _ **Concrete jungle where dreams are made of**_

 _ **There's nothing you can't do**_

 _ **Now you're in New York**_

 _ **These streets will make you feel brand new**_

 _ **Big lights will inspire you**_

 _ **Hear it for New York, New York, New York.**_

"Are you ready?" Derek asked, grabbing for her hand. Meredith didn't know how it had happen, the events of the last two weeks had passed by so quickly she was sure she had missed out some events. Now, almost as if she didn't know how, she was sitting in a rented car, at Derek's side. Outside his mother's house in New York City. She was sure she was about to have a panic attack. She wanted to run. What the hell was she thinking? Even if her mother has come to her senses, even if Meredith had destroyed every fear in order to be with Derek, she was still the same mess. Derek's mother and sisters were not going to like her.

She breathed deeply. Owen was already inside with Amelia; at least she had an alley. Except Owen was… Owen was _Owen._ He was like Derek. Laid back, relaxed, polite. Even charming, when he wanted. He was the typical guy to bring home. And she was... She. Just herself. She grabbed for her purse, pulled out a little mirror and started checking everything out again.

"Love, I told you, you're perfect."

"Hush," she told him. She had been extremely unsure about what to wear: she didn't want to look too overdressed and not too sportive. At the end, she had decided that jeans were always the best choice. So, she was wearing skinny jeans, a pair of black high-heeled heels – nothing too whorish, of course – a lavender blouse and a black cardigan. Simply but classic. Her hair was down and curly around her shoulders and she was even wearing a little bit of make-up. She looked at least okay.

"Okay," she breathed. "Everything, again."

"Mer, I told you everything at least five times on the plane."

"I don't care. I might make a mistake. Just one, and our engagement is dead."

Derek laughed softly. "Oh, Meredith, I swear-"

"Don't swear. Tell me everything once again."

"Okay," Derek gave up. He knew his fiancée very well. "Who's the oldest?"

"Kathleen?" Meredith guessed.

"Correct. She's the oldest. Everyone calls her Kath or Kate. She's a therapist, married to Thomas who's a painter and a professor. Okay? They have five children, two girls, Michaela and Carolyn, 23 and 20 years old. Twin boys of 15, Bob and Chris, and Grace, who's 7. Kath swore she was done with the twins, Grace is the surprise and she's my favourite but keep this to yourself."

"I don't remember anything," Meredith stated. She breathed deeply. "Therapist. Thomas. I can't remember the kids' name."

"That's normal. Don't panic, okay? Who's after Kath?"

"Nancy?"

"Correct again!" he grinned and kissed her head. "You doubt yourself too much. What's Nancy's job?"

"She's a doctor," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Like… Addison? OB/GYN?"

"Perfect. She's married to Paul, who's a policeman. Actually, they lived together before getting married, and my mom was terrified they would never legalize their relationship."

"Derek…" Meredith breathed.

"Yes?"

"We _are_ living together. And I don't remember a wedding."

Derek laughed again and leaned over to kiss her lips. "We're engaged Mer, we don't count. Anyway, Nancy and Paul. They have three girls, Adrianne, Eleanor and Kamille. 23, 20 and 17. Adrianne is named after Addison, she's one of Nancy's closest friends."

"Kath has five and Nancy three. How many children for… Elizabeth?"

"Lizzie has six."

Meredith definitely lost the colour of her face. "Derek. Maybe this isn't the right moment to tell you this but… I'm _not_ gonna have six kids."

Derek laughed out loud. "Oh, Meredith! Neither do I."

"Oh" she breathed, nodding. "Not even four," she said again.

"Mer… two, maybe three."

"Let's start with one," she suggested softly. "I've never thought I'd get married, let alone be a mother."

He gave her another kiss. "Okay, love. Wanna learn about Lizzie?"

"Lizzie. Of course. Six kids."

"Yeah. She's married to Robert and they run a practice here. They have three girls, Hillary who's 19, Giselle, 16, and Jennifer, who just turned 14. They have three boys as well, Luke, Brandon and Leo. Luke's 12, Brandon 10 and little Leo is five. He's sweet and funny, you'll love him."

"If I survive."

"You will. Ready?"

"No."

And even if Meredith wasn't ready, their alone time in the car was over. A tall woman, with short and grey hair, stepped outside with a big grin. She waved and Meredith groaned: "Let me guess. Your mom?"

"Cm'on, Mer!" Derek replied, as excited as a child on Christmas morning. In a second, he was in the arms of the woman.

"Holy mother…" Meredith murmured. She didn't have another choice but to step out of the car as well. She approached the pair, embracing right outside the house. She immediately registered that the woman's eyes were a dark, sweet shade of brown. She had kind of expected them to be blue.

Mrs. Shepherd noticed her, and sweetly released her arms from Derek.

"Hello, dear. You are Meredith, I suppose."

 _Now or never._

Meredith straightened her back and took a step closer to Derek and his mom. "Good morning, Mrs. Shepherd. I'm Meredith Grey."

"No Mrs. here, sweetie. My name is Carolyn."

Carolyn ignored Meredith's hand and took the girl in a friendly hug. "I am so happy to meet you. Amelia told us a lot of nice things in your regard, dear."

Meredith smiled slightly. Derek's mom was definitely nice and welcome. Despite everything, she relaxed the muscles of her back. She was about to ask a question or make an appreciation about the house or the neighbourhood, when a grinning face appeared at the door.

"Mer!"

Amelia, who else. She stepped outside and threw herself in Meredith's arms. "I'm so happy to have you here!"

Amelia enthusiasm was extremely contagious and Meredith realised suddenly that her alley wasn't just Owen. She had Amelia and Derek to count on.

"Amy!" she smiled, giving her friend a hug. "I love your dress," she commented, just to say something nice to her friend.

"Isn't it perfect?" Amelia grinned. She wasn't exactly girly like Izzie, but Meredith knew her really well and she knew how much Amelia enjoyed a nice dress and some make up on her days off. "You look hot like always," Amelia struggled and Carolyn sent to Derek's way a puzzled look.

"Don't worry," he murmured. "Girls, wanna go inside?"

Amelia grabbed Meredith's hand and practically forced her inside. In an eye blink, Meredith found herself in a middle of a great living room. Couches, armchairs and pillows everywhere, a big, red carpet in the middle. She could hear children's voices and laughs in another room. The living room, expect for Owen and three other men – the sister's husbands, probably – was empty.

"Meredith and Derek are here!" Amelia announced, and Meredith couldn't help but blush. "Hello," she said tentatively. "Hey, Owen."

"Hey Grey," he nodded, reaching out to give her a friendly hug.

"Holy mother, Shep," commented a blonde man, tall and well built. "Once in a while you bring home a hot girl!"

"Hold your horses, Robert," Derek immediately replied, grabbing Meredith's waist to pull her close. "And I don't need to kick your ass, I'll let Liz do it."

"Do what?" asked a pretty woman appearing at the door. Meredith looked over her shoulders and realised that the next room was the kitchen. The woman was tall – a family trait, probably, with long, straight brown hair and the same brown eyes Carolyn had. She was slim, wearing a pair of jeans and a red tank top with a black cardigan. At her hip was a toddler, blonde with his mother's eyes. He grinned at Meredith, showing a toothless smile. "Mom!" he exclaimed, pointing a finger with trace of chocolate on it to Meredith. "Who's that?"

"Leo!" Derek interrupted. "Come say hi to Uncle Derek!"

The kid didn't need to hear it again. The woman put him down so he could ran to Uncle Derek.

"Lizzie," Derek said, picking up Leo. "This is Meredith Grey, my fiancée. Mer, this is my younger sister, Elizabeth. You can call her Lizzie like everyone does."

"Nice to meet you," Meredith say, ready to shake her hand.

Lizzie smiled. "Nice to meet you too." And stop. Meredith had kind of hoped on something more. She gulped and took a step back, reaching for Derek's hand.

"Hello," said a little voice next to her. She looked down and found Leo grinning at her. "Who are you?"

Meredith kneeled down. "Hey, I'm Meredith. I'm your Uncle Derek's girlfriend."

"Mer…"

"Oh. Sorry, fiancée, not girlfriend. I'm his fiancée."

Leo looked up at Derek for an explanation.

"It means we're getting married," he explained. Leo smiled. "So you're my Aunt!"

Meredith's face went white. Thankfully, two other women appeared in that moment. It looked like they were done with the sisters. Thankfully.

"Derek!" one of them laughed, giving him a hug and a kiss. She was stunning. Tall and curvy in a pair of slacks and a white t-shirt, make-up nicely put on a full face. Her eyes were big and blue – like Derek and Amelia, behind a big pair of glasses. Around her face and down her shoulders, a cascade of curly black hair. The other one was tall and slim, with short brown hair and dark eyes and she looked a lot like Lizzie and Carolyn.

"Hey!" the stunning one said, giving Meredith a warm smile. "I'm Kathleen and this is Nancy."

"Hey," Nancy nodded.

"Nice to meet you both," Meredith said for the thousandth times, shaking both of their hands.

"It's good to have you here," Kathleen commented. "Amelia told us you're a surgeon?"

"Yes, a general surgeon. I have just finished my residency. Finally," she grinned.

"Residency has been hell," Amelia commented from the couch.

"Addison told me you met Derek at the end of your residency?" Nancy asked, speaking for the first time. In the meanwhile, Kathleen gestured to her to take a sit. She chose the first couch she found and Derek sat down next to her, an arm around her shoulders.

"Yes," Meredith nodded. "Amelia and I went to this conference in Los Angeles with our Chief of Surgery and that's where I met Derek."

"I wasn't even supposed to go," Derek commented, holding her closer. "Best thing of my life," he added, searching for Meredith's eyes.

"As sickening as cheesy as ever," she teased, gently kissing him on the lips.

"They're always like that," Amelia explained. "Now they're playing happy and cheesy and O'Malley cries twice a day, but until two months ago they used to play cat and mouse."

"Amelia!" Meredith exclaimed, her eyes wide.

Amelia giggled. "Sorry, Mer. You know I enjoy talking about good old times."

"Maybe Meredith doesn't enjoy it that much," Carolyn commented with a nice smile. "Be nice, Amelia, sweetheart."

"Yes, mom," Amelia grinned, but she had dropped the bomb already. Lizzie asked, with a saucy smile: "We want to know about those old times too."

"Nothing to talk about," Derek cut it off. "We had a rough start but now we're happy, we live together and we're engaged."

"I love you already," Nancy commented to Meredith. "Cuz you bite Rose's head off."

"Oh," Meredith laughed. "Yes, well, I went outside and she was practically sitting on Derek's lap."

"Love, I already told you…"

"Derek is a one woman man," Lizzie said, looking at Meredith, straight into her eyes.

"I know," Meredith smiled. "I trust him with my life. It was her I didn't trust; I know it's cliché but…"

"But I was here, and she's a total bitch," Amelia groaned.

"Amelia Caterina, language, please," Carolyn chastised. "We don't call people that name in this house."

"She's not in this house," Amelia smiled. Carolyn laughed: "You may be thirty but I can easily send you up to your room without dinner!"

At the mention of dinner, Meredith's stomach made a sound.

"Oh, you're already hungry," Derek laughed, kissing her neck.

"It looks like you want to eat her, Der," Lizzie said.

"Liz…" her husband murmured.

"Don't make me reply, mom's here," Derek reply was dry.

"Meredith, dear," Carolyn interrupted. "Do you want to come to the kitchen with me and put the final touches to our dinner?"

Derek and Amelia laughed loudly: "Just don't let her touch anything!"

* * *

 **Yes… I made Lizzie the bitchy one ;)**


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you for all the kind review on the previous chapter! Here's the second part in New York and… it's smutty. Don't say I didn't warn you!**

* * *

 **Chapter 16**

 **New York State of Mind**

 _ **I don't have any reasons  
I left them all behind**_

 _ **I'm in a New York state of mind.**_

Meredith rolled over in bed and hid her face in Derek's chest. His scent, so familiar and so new at the same time, calmed her breath. She thought they were in the uncomfortable bed in his – _their_ – trailer, and then she remembered. They were in New York. They had spent all of the previous day hanging out with his family and Meredith, despite her worries, had found herself at ease with his mother, who was extremely sweet, and his sisters. All of the girls were nice, but Meredith had indeed a preference: Kathleen. She was adorable. Gorgeous, funny, smart, intense. She hadn't even be bothered by her attitude to drop comments proper of a therapist here and there. She liked Nancy, too, and obviously she was in love with Amelia. Mrs. Shepherd – Carolyn – was very content with Owen too, so everything had gone for the best. They had a great time, she nodded to herself, smiling as she remembered Leo, Lizzie's youngest, in Derek's lap. And Grace, oh, Gracie was Kathleen's surprise baby and she was the sweetest thing Meredith had ever seen in her life. They had coloured, played with dolls, cuddling while watching _The little mermaid_. Meredith had never done any of those things but… but after spending yesterday's afternoon with the children, imagining her and Derek as parents was easier. She couldn't erase from her mind Grace's perfect features while she concentrated on something. She had black curls and blue eyes and… she could have easily been their daughter.

Meredith had never thought she would have kids. Being a mother had definitely never been in her plans. Exactly like snuggling in a man's arms and feel safe like never before. Anyway, she had always thought she didn't like kids, but now she saw clearly that it wasn't her, who didn't like them. She had always just assumed a kid could never like her, because she was damaged. She was dark and twisty, her entire life had been about struggling to find a balance and to concentrate, mostly on being a good doctor. A doctor good enough. But or who? For her mother? Now, at thirty years old, she was pretty satisfied with her life. She was a doctor, and a damn good one, she had great friends, she had found a way to make things work with her mother, and was in a committed relationship with an amazing man. A man she truly loved, heart, body and soul. She wanted Derek where he was, right next to her, and she didn't feel weak for that. She felt even stronger.

She felt Derek's arms wrapping around her waist, bringing her even closer. His mouth dropped on her neck and he let out a relaxed sound coming from his throat.

"Good morning," she breathed.

"Hmmm," was all he replied. Meredith giggled. He was still asleep… And she knew how to wake him up. She freed herself from his arms and Derek made anther "Hmmm", this time sounding more like a complaining. She bended lower and lower, until she reached the place she wanted. Derek had fallen asleep in his boxer, the night before, so Meredith didn't need to remove his clothes. She reached over and started kissing his thigs. Derek made another sound, this time definitely sounding different. From his thigs, Meredith reached up and pulled his boxer briefs out of her way; the first rational thing Derek knew that morning was that her balls were being licked and sucked from his fiancée.

"Oh, Meredith," he murmured, his neck arching back in the pillow.

Meredith smiled against his skin. "Are you awake?" she asked.

"Who could sleep through this?" he asked rhetorically, his question followed by a moan.

"Relax and enjoy," she suggested kissing the tip of his penis, before taking all of his length in her mouth, sweetly but sensually, like he knew only Meredith could do.

"Oh, Mer," another sigh from Derek's mouth, as his hand tenderly lose itself in her silky hair. "Take it all," he suggested, as if she needed to be told that. He loved that woman even for that reason, when she gave herself to him, she gave it all. Suddenly, the need to have all of her came to him like a wave, and with a trembling hand he tried to stop her movements.

"No," he breathed, and immediately, Meredith stopped and frowned.

" _No_?" she asked, stressing the little word.

"No," he confirmed, pulling at her arms. "I need you, all of you. Come here..."

With a saucy smile, Meredith straddled him and immediately took his penis between her folds, her head gently thrusting back for the great pleasure. Derek pulled off her tank top and Meredith forgot the urge to laugh: she knew the thing that mostly turned him on were her breasts. She closed her eyes and started riding him, losing herself in the man she loved.

* * *

One of the thing Derek loved the most about sex, was the moment right after.

It was almost nine in the morning, the spring sun was shining and lightening the cover of his bed. He was snuggling with Meredith on the little bed, her naked, warm body – except for a pair of black panties and a little tank top - pressed closely against his, her legs between his, her arms around his neck. Talking was definitely overrated: he felt cheesy just thinking about it, but just looking into her green eyes and kissing her lips repeatedly was enough.

"I love you," she murmured, and Derek's heart swelled like every time she said so.

"I know you do," he replied, gently biting her plump bottom lip. "I love you too, baby girl. And you're amazing in bed."

"You always say it," she giggled, snuggling closer.

"Because it's true. Best I've ever had."

"I bet there was a lot of women," she commented, ignoring the pain of jealously in her stomach. She hummed contently, running her fingernails across his chest.

"Not as much as you think," he assured, kissing the top of her breasts. "No one like you."

Meredith felt his erection again, pressed against her hip, and she giggled. She was definitely about to suggest a second round when the door of their room opened and a sweet little voice shouted: "Aunt Mewdith!"

A second later, Grace had thrown herself on the bed, ready to cuddle with her new favorite person.

"Grace, I'm sure your mom told you about knocking," Derek admonished. Meredith giggled, already caressing the little girl's head.

"Yeah, Uncle Dewek. But I wanted to say morning to Aunt Mew."

"Yeah, Uncle Derek, she wanted to say hi," mocked Meredith, showing him her tongue and hugging the little girl to her chest.

"Watch that tongue, young lady."

"Grace, I told you numerous time it's impolite to show your tongue to people," Kathleen sighed, appearing at their door, wearing a pair of leggings and a gray crop top.

"I was talking to my fiancè," Derek laughed. "Grace didn't do anything."

"Except break into other people's room without knocking?"

"She just wanted to say hi," Meredith giggled.

"Xactly," Grace nodded eagerly. Then she forgot about her mother and uncle and told Meredith: "Wanna go have bekfast? Nana made pancakes."

"Yes but I need to put pants on," Meredith giggled again. She felt like she had done nothing but giggling since she woke up that morning. Well, among moans and muffled screams. She got up, put on a pair of leggings and scooped up the laughing girl in her arms.

"Nana's pancakes, here we come!"

As soon as they were alone, Kathleen looked straight into the eyes of her little brother. "You need to marry that girl."

"Planning to," Derek grinned.

"I'm serious, Derek. She'll make you happy."

* * *

 **Isn't Kathleen a sweetheart?" Anyway, hope you liked this little update. I'm trying to decide if we need one more chapter in New York or it's time to come back to Seattle...**


	17. Chapter 17

**I'm not happy. I'm struggling to keep writing and I just got three – THREE – reviews for the new installment of Make you feel my love. Make me wanna quit right now. Anyway, this is what's new for Falling… It's a strange little chapter but I'm sure you'll like it.**

* * *

 **Chapter 17**

 **A sky full of stars**

 _ **Cause you're a sky full of stars  
I'm going to give you my heart  
Cause you're a sky, cause you're  
A sky full of stars  
'Cause you light up the path  
**_

"I swear I missed you," Amelia sighed, pushing a margarita toward Meredith.

Nights out at Joe's, something Meredith had almost forgotten between work and Derek and, more recently, living in the woods in a trailer. So, that Friday night, back from New York, Meredith was spending a few hours drinking with Amelia, Alex and Cristina.

"Oh, Shepherd, please! You were in New York together, how the hell could you have missed her?"

"We were with my family! They were always with her, asking her stuff! We haven't chatted in forever! Do you know how difficult it is to have my brother detach from her?" Amelia replied, sipping at her drink.

"We do, he's always sucking on her neck," Alex pointed out, finishing is beer. "Mer, are you dyin' or something? You haven't touched your margarita."

Meredith shook her head, her hand resting on her stomach: "I don't know, my stomach feels funny. Maybe I -" she stood up abruptly and ran to the washroom.

"I need new friends," Cristina groaned, finishing her drink and gesturing Joe for another one.

"I'm gonna check on her," Alex sighed, walking to the washroom as well. As soon as he entered the room, sounds of vomiting filled his ears.

"Mer?" Alex asked, knocking at the door. "Are you ok?"

Meredith tried to reply, but vomit filled her mouth again.

"Mer, I'm coming in, ok?" he sighed, hoping to find her in decent conditions. Meredith was clothed, just leaning on the toilet, vomiting her guts out. Swearing under his breath, he held her hair in his hand, gently resting his other one on her back. "You're okay, Mer, don't worry."

Meredith leaned back and Alex helped her up.

"Fuck," Meredith groaned, washing her mouth. "I don't wanna be sick."

"Maybe it's just something you ate. You'll feel better soon. Do you wanna go home?"

Meredith nodded, resting her head against Alex's shoulder while they walked back slowly to the table. "I was supposed to wait for Derek but he won't be done until 11.30."

"Don't worry, I can drive you."

They approached the table and Amelia asked: "You okay?"

"Obviously not," Meredith groaned, pushing away toward Cristina the glass of margarita. "Just the smell of tequila make me want to vomit again."

"You were fine in New York," Amelia frowned.

"I know... it's been a couple of days. At first I thought the plane had messed up my stomach. I'll go home."

"I would love to come and keep you company but I wanted to check on a few patients," Amelia explained.

"I'll keep her company," Alex assured. Cristina was silent, but everybody knew she wasn't much of a protective person. And anyway, Alex was enough. Alex was extremely protective when it came to Meredith.

"Don't tell Derek," Meredith said to Amelia with a tired voice. "He'll go crazy with worry."

"Okay, but if you feel worse call us, okay?"

"Don't worry, Shepherd," Alex grinned. "I've got her."

* * *

Derek got home at midnight, tired and in need of a shower. He had got a quick text from Meredith, saying she'll be waiting for him at home. Anyway, next to the trailer there was just Karev's car. Derek frowned. He came inside to find Alex Karev sitting on his couch, one of his beers in his hand, watching TV, while Meredith was fast asleep with her head on Karev's lap. She was wearing a t-shirt and one of his own boxers.

Derek knew which kind of relationship Meredith had with Alex. He knew they were like brother and sister but Karev was an attractive guy - so he gathered from all the gossip going on at the hospital - and Meredith was sex on legs. Jealousy grabbed his stomach, holding it tightly. He couldn't help it. He know he had no reason, no right whatsoever, but he couldn't help it.

"Hey, man," Karev nodded. "She's feeling like crap, been vomiting for hours."

"Why didn't she call me?"

"She didn't want you to worry. She's fine now, I think - she even managed to keep down some soup."

Despite the jealousy, Derek nodded. "Thank you, man."

Alex got up, trying not to wake her up. "No problem. I don't say this crap but she's my best friend, Shepherd."

Derek nodded. Best friend could even mean something else, eventually... but as soon as Alex walked out, Meredith woke up and seeing Derek, she smiled widely, her face lightening up despite the sickness: "Der!"

"Mer, how are you, love?" he asked, sitting next to her, his hand immediately going to stroke her hair.

"Nauseous," she groaned. "I think I have some stomach bug or something."

"Do you want some tea?" Derek asked, hugging her close.

* * *

Meredith vomited again the following morning, and the day after. She argued with Derek who wanted her to ask Bailey or Izzie to visit her.

Derek won, but when they walked in on Monday morning they didn't know their life would change forever, after that visit.


	18. Chapter 18

**Guess who got a new job?  
Guess who got a day off for some kind of religious celebration?  
Guess who wrote her hands off?**

* * *

 **Chapter 18**

 **Left outside alone**

 _ **And I wonder if you know  
How it really feels  
To be left outside alone  
When it's cold out here  
Well maybe you should know  
Just how it feels  
To be left outside alone**_

When he woke up the following morning, Derek rolled over in bed and reached out for Meredith. When he felt just cold sheets under his fingertips, his eyes opened immediately.

The bed was empty. Weird: Meredith never woke up before him. _Never_.

He sat up in bed, calling a tentatively: "Mer?"

No answer.

She was nowhere to be seen in the trailer, and he could hear no sounds coming from the tiny bathroom attached to the "bedroom". Clearly, Meredith wasn't home.

Maybe she had been paged? She always woke him up when she had to go in early, she was terrible at getting ready quietly. But when Derek's eyes fell on the bedside table, he gasped: her pager was there, silent. But her keys and the handbag she had thrown on the table the night before were gone.

He got up and reached for his cell, immediately trying to call her.

"Hello, you've reached dr. Meredith Grey..."

"Damn it," Derek murmured under his breath. "Ok, no panic," he said to himself, picking up his cell again. He knew something like this would happen. He just knew. She had been too strong, she had experienced so many life-changing events in the last months: their meeting, them falling in love, the change in the relationship with her mother; moving in together, getting engaged, and then, last night.

Meredith hadn't been sick: they had discovered she was pregnant.

When the blood tests had came back, Derek had cried, squeezing her in a breaking-bones hug. Meredith had smiled, she had told him she loved him as well, and once they were in bed she had fallen asleep as soon as Derek had reached for her stomach.

He had really thought she was tired from the nausea and the great amount of stress her body had experienced and he had simply cuddled her in his arms, falling asleep as well.

Apparently, she had run.

His throat closed, his stomach filled with pain and worry. Meredith had left. _Meredith had left him._ His fiancée, the woman of his life, the mother of his child had left their trailer without saying a word, the night they had found out they were going to be parents.

Derek unlocked his iPhone: he needed to call someone. Who could know where Meredith could be? Maybe Amelia? No, he decided immediately. Meredith wouldn't have forced Amelia to keep such a great secret from him. Maybe Alex Karev? It was a possibility. Richard! He suddenly realized. She must have told Richard Webber she wasn't going to go into work, that morning.

"Hello?"

"Richard? It's Derek."

"Derek, good morning. What can I do for you?"

"Have you heard from Meredith?"

"Yes, something like two hours ago. She called me to tell me she wasn't feeling very well so she was going to stay at home. Wait, why aren't you with her?"

"I am," Derek immediately lied. "I just wanted to check if she had told you she was sick. Thanks!" And he hang up.

Why did he lie to Richard? It was stupid. Everything about this situation was stupid, and totally absurd. Meredith was _gone._ Andhe didn't know where she could be or who could know anything. He tried to call her again, but it went straight to voicemail. And then, while his eyes were wondering around the room for an idea, he spotted a note on the fridge.

In Meredith's handwriting, it said: _Derek - too much. All together. I wish I was better but I don't think I can do it. Not right now, at least. I'm sorry I'm a coward but that's who I am, so I am running and I don't have the balls to tell you I need a minute alone to figure everything out. Don't worry about me, ok? I'll try not to stay away too long. I'll be fine._

And that was all. She didn't mention if they were still together, or if she still loved him. She just called herself a coward.

Derek fell on the bed, his head in his hands. Then, he reached for his phone again and again he called her. When it went to voicemail, he left a message: "Mer? Love, it's me. You - you're not home and I'm really dying, here. Please, can you call me back? I really need to know this is just a nightmare. Please, Mer-" he swallowed a sob and immediately, a wave of anger invaded his body. "Meredith, you can't just leave like that. We're engaged, and you're pregnant, and I don't know what it's going on with us. You call me back or this is over, do you understand?"

He rejected his words the exact moment they left his mouth.

He needed to talk to someone. He needed to tell someone, he couldn't be the only one going crazy.

He picked up his phone again.

"Karev."

Thank God, Alex picked up immediately.

"Alex? It's Derek."

It was probably the first time Derek called Alex and the first time he used their first name. The surprise was clear in Alex's tone, when he replied: "Shepherd? Is Meredith okay?"

"This is why I'm calling. Meredith...she's gone."

"What do you mean with gone?"

"She left. I woke up this morning and she wasn't in the bed. She was nowhere. I found a note on the fridge, she says she needs time."

"Time? Last time I saw you guys you were holding hands and making googly eyes to each other. What the hell happened? Did you guys fight?"

"No, we... do you remember the night at Joe's when Meredith was throwing up and you drove her home?"

"Yes, we thought she had a -" a moment of silence, then Alex breathed: "Oh God. Oh _my_ God. You knocked her up!"

"I did. We found out yesterday night, and... I don't know, Alex. She's gone and I don't know what to do."

"Can you read the note for me?"

Derek walked to the fridge and the read the note all over for Alex.

"Maybe our engagement is off and I don't know. Maybe she's aborting my child and I don't know."

"Man, calm down. You're talking bullshit, ok? Meredith isn't some crazy bitch. She needs time, and I realize you're freaking out but you need to calm down." Alex sighed in the phone: "Derek, you think you're the first man to ever hit on her? There was this guy - he worked in security, he was pretty decent and he was nuts for Grey. He picked extra shifts when he knew she was on call just to see her. He kept bringing her coffee and donuts, and every Friday he would leave a rose on Grey's car. He asked her out twenty times and do you know what happened? He asked to be transferred. Then you came around and she falls in your arms. She loves you, ok? I know her better than I know myself. Please, give her time."

* * *

In that moment, while Derek was trying hard not to cry on the phone with Alex, at the other side of the city, Meredith was ready to see a person she hadn't seen in twenty-five years.

She was tired, and hungry, she had thrown up twice and she couldn't move her hands away from her stomach. She wanted to run away, to disappear in Mexico and never come back to a Seattle again but she knew she couldn't do that to Derek. In some ways, she couldn't do that to herself. But, among every other reason, she couldn't do that to her baby. Her _baby._ She inhaled deeply: she was ready.

She knocked.


End file.
